we can naturally assume that the best way we might do this is to signal just how much

我們很自然地認為，最好的方式是發出信號，表明我們有多少錢。

we agree with their views and choices on all matters great and small.

我們同意他們對所有大小事務的看法和選擇。

On an early date, when they happen to mention that they love dancing, we will reveal that

在早期的約會中，當他們碰巧提到他們喜歡跳舞時，我們就會透露出

of course we love dancing too. Or when they explain how boring they find museums, we will

當然，我們也喜歡跳舞。或者當他們解釋他們覺得博物館有多無聊時，我們就會

hide that on a trip to Berlin last year, we spent a whole fascinating day in the galleries

在去年的柏林之行中，我們在畫廊中度過了整整一天。

of the Altes Museum.

阿爾茨博物館的。

We may not state direct falsehoods but we stretch and bend the truth to its limits so

我們可以不直接陳述假話，但我們將真理延伸和彎曲到極限，所以。

as to create an impression of near-total alignment.

以造成一種近乎完全一致的印象。

Along the way, it rarely occurs to us that they might be performing some of the same

在這一過程中，我們很少想到他們可能在執行一些相同的任務。

rigmarole for us, that they might also be adjusting their self-presentation in subtle

他們可能也在微妙地調整他們的自我表現，為我們提供了一個僵化的過程。

but powerful ways to fit in with what they take to be our preferences and values. There's

但有力的方式來適應他們認為是我們的喜好和價值觀。有

a tragi-comic aspect to our deepening mutual attraction. Two decent people are trying to

在我們不斷加深的相互吸引中，有了悲劇性的一面。兩個正直的人正試圖

be as nice as they can. No one is setting out to deceive and yet, gradually, a set of

儘可能的好。沒有人設身處地地去欺騙，然而，漸漸地，一套。

hugely misleading and dangerous ideas about who each person really is, are getting established.

巨大的誤導性和危險的想法，關於每個人的真實身份，正在建立。

The apparent success of our will-to-please can inspire us to move in together and later

表面上我們的意願成功，可以激發我們一起行動，後來

to marry. And then - inevitably - the prolonged, intimate scrutiny that coupledom brings reveals

結婚。然後... 不可避免地... 夫妻生活所帶來的長期的、親密的檢查揭示了...

the scale of our mistaken expectations. In a sequence of disillusioning stages, we are

我們錯誤的期望的規模。在一連串的幻滅階段，我們是

each saddened, disappointed and shocked to discover who we have ended up with. There

每一個人都為我們的結局感到悲傷、失望和震驚。有

are recriminations, rows and fragile reconciliations until finally one or other of us comes to

是指責、爭吵和脆弱的和解，直到最後我們中的一個或另一個走到了一起

the grim, but still surprising conclusion that we were never compatible.

殘酷的，但仍然令人驚訝的結論，我們從來沒有兼容。

Or we may stick at it with growing misery. We face a life-time of holidays that never

或者我們可能帶著越來越多的痛苦堅持下去。我們面對一生的假期，永遠不會

involve the museum visits we crave. We have to resign ourselves to never having had the

包括我們渴望的博物館參觀。我們不得不認命，永遠也不會有

kind of sex we want. Or, even more grievously, we eventually embark on a furtive life; we

我們想要什麼樣的性。或者，更令人痛心的是，我們最終開始了隱祕的生活；我們。

seek out the moments when they're away to pursue needs we've pretended not to have.

尋找他們不在的時刻，追求我們假裝沒有的需求。

Until one day our double-life is exposed - and we drown in bitterness, fury and sorrow.

直到有一天，我們的雙重生活暴露了--我們淹沒在痛苦、憤怒和悲傷之中。

Yet the origin of such nightmares is only ever a hugely touching, but painfully flawed

然而，這種噩夢的起源，永遠只是一個巨大的感動，但痛苦的缺陷。

and risky, devotion to being an easy match. We want to be simple; and yet we end up in

和風險，致力於成為一個簡單的比賽。我們希望簡單；然而我們最終卻在

a very complicated mess.

一個非常複雜的混亂。

A genuinely simpler approach would involve daring to be a bit more complex from the start.

真正簡單的做法是，從一開始就敢於做得更復雜一些。

There is no need to be brazen or demanding just as there is no requirement that our date

沒有必要厚顏無恥，也沒有必要苛求，就像我們的約會沒有要求一樣

agree or even stick around beyond dessert (or the main course). Some will run away - and

同意，甚至在甜點（或主菜）之後還能堅持下去。有些人會跑掉--而且

should. It will save everyone a lot of time.

應該。會給大家節省很多時間。

In order to be honest in seduction, we need a basic sense of acceptability, we must know

要想在誘惑中做到誠實，我們需要有基本的接受能力，我們必須知道

that we are not perfect but that we are not for that matter wholly abject or shameful.

我們並不完美，但我們並不是以而完全赤裸或可恥。

Our inner conviction that our oddities are essentially reasonable allows us to present

我們內心堅信，我們的怪事本質上是合理的，這讓我們可以提出

ourselves to another person without fear or defensiveness.

我們自己對另一個人沒有恐懼或防備。

Our candour then arms us with the right to ask our date to reveal - with similar honesty

我們的坦誠讓我們有權利要求我們的約會對象以同樣的坦誠來揭示。

- what may be individual and difficult about their own characters. If they insist that

- 他們自己的性格可能有什麼個性和困難。如果他們堅持認為

they are really very simple and 'easy', we are allowed to be gently but firmly sceptical.

他們真的很簡單，很 "容易"，我們被允許輕輕地但堅定地懷疑。

They are a human being, and to be human is to be complicated. It cannot possibly be true

他們是一個人，做人就是要複雜。這不可能是真的

that they exist without significant quirks.

它們的存在沒有重大的怪癖。

Being straightforward on dates is in the end a mechanism for two people to fast-forward

在約會上直來直去，說到底是兩個人快進的機制。

time - and to spare themselves agony. We should know that a polished surface can't be a

時間--也讓自己免於痛苦。我們應該知道，光潔的表面不可能是一個。

true picture of who anyone can be. Only once our mutual complexities have been outlined

任何人都可以成為誰的真實寫照。只有當我們共同的複雜性被勾勒出來後

should we sense that we are safe in the presence of a fellow mature and pleasingly direct individual.

我們是否應該感覺到，在一個成熟的、令人愉悅的直接的同伴面前，我們是安全的。

We will have the simpler relationships we desire, when we can dare to share and accommodate

當我們能夠敢於分享和包容的時候，我們就會擁有自己想要的簡單關係。

the actual complexities of human nature.

人性的實際複雜性。