AND GENTLEMEN, AND WELCOME TO THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."

先生們，歡迎收看 "遲到的晚間秀"。

I MEAN I THINK THIS IS, I THINK THIS IS THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."

我的意思是，我想這是，我想這是 "晚，晚秀"。

YOU MIGHT, HAVE TO BE PATIENT WITH ME, HONESTLY, MY BRAIN IS

你可能要對我有耐心，誠實的說，我的大腦是。

STILL RECOVERING AFTER WATCHING LAST NIGHT'S PRESIDENTIAL

看完昨晚的總統大選後仍在恢復中

DEBATE.

辯論：

I FEEL LIKE I'M STILL SHIVERING, YOU KNOW?

我覺得我還在發抖，你知道嗎？

HONESTLY, THE WHOLE DAY TODAY IT FEELS LIKE MY LIFE IS BEING

老實說，今天一整天，我都覺得自己的生活好像被人...

PRODUCED BY JORD AFN PEELE.

PRODUCED BY JORD AFN PEELE.

I SHOWERED MORE TIMES LAST NIGHT THAN I HAVE IN THE PAST SIX

我昨晚洗澡的次數比過去六天都要多。

MONTHS.

月數：

>> I COULDN'T GET IT OFF ME.

>> 我無法擺脫它。

BUT WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW PLANNED FOR YOU THIS EVENING.

但我們今晚為你們準備了一場精彩的演出。

BIG NEWS, FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE HILLARY CLINTON IS GOING

重大新聞，前國務卿希拉里-克林頓要走了。

TO BE HERE TO TALK US THROUGH LAST NIGHT'S DEBATE.

要在這裡跟我們談 通過昨晚的辯論，

THINK OF IT AS A GIANT THERAPY SESSION.

把它想象成一個巨大的療程。

THAT'S THE THING.

這就是問題所在。

STICK AROUND FOR THAT, REG, DID YOU WATCH THE DEBATE LAST NIGHT,

堅持下去，雷格，你看了昨晚的辯論了嗎？

DID YOU SEE IT.

你看到了嗎？

>> Reggie: OH MEI ME LORD, I WAS-- THAT WAS TOUGH, THAT WAS

>> 哦，我的上帝，我是... ... 那是艱難的，那是

REALLY TOUGH.

真的很辛苦。

>> James: I WAS WATCHING IT WITH MY SON.

>> 詹姆斯。我是和我兒子一起看的。

AND I WAS THINKING, MY SON IS NINE AND HIS YOUNGE-- YOUNGER

我在想，我的兒子是9和他的年輕... ... 更年輕的

SISTER HAS JUST GONE TO BED AND I WAS THINKING THIS IS NOT GREAT

妹妹剛去睡覺，我就在想這不是很好嗎？

BECAUSE THERE IS THE EXACT BEHAVIOR WE TELL YOU NOT TO DO.

因為我們告訴你不要做的行為就是這樣的。

IF YOU MISSED THE DEBATE, HERE SAN ELOQUENT SUM ACHES BY SOME

如果你錯過了辯論，這裡是三雄爭霸的SUM ACHES由一些。

OF AMERICA'S TOP JOURNALISTS.

美國頂級記者的。

>> THIS WAS SUCH A HOT MESS.

>> 這真是一團熱。

>> THAT WAS THE WORST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE HAVE I EVER

>> 這是我見過的最糟糕的總統辯論。

SEEN.

見過的。

>> A NIGHT OF CHAOS, AND INTERRUPTION, WHERE.

>> 一夜的混亂和干擾，其中：

>> BULLYING.

>> 欺凌。

>> THIS WAS EMBARRASSING FOR ME.

>> 這對我來說很尷尬。

>> CLEARLY THIS DEBATE WAS AN EMBARRASSMENT FOR THE UNITED

>> 顯然，這場辯論是對聯合國的羞辱。

STATES OF AMERICA.

美利堅合眾國：

>> THAT WAS A HOT MESS, INSIDE A DUMPSTER FIRE INSIDE A

>> 那是一個熱火朝天的爛攤子，在一個DUMPSTER裡面的火。

TRAINWRECK.

TRAINWRECK.

>> THAT WAS [BLEEP] SHOW.

>> 這是[嗶]表演。

>> TERRIFYING NIGHTMARE ONLY THIS IS THE REAL THING.

>> 恐怖的噩夢，只有這才是真正的東西。

>> IT IS JUST SHOCKING CONSIDERING EVERYTHING ELSE THIS

>> 考慮到這個問題，這實在是令人震驚。

YEAR HAS GONE SO WELL.

今年過的很好。

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S BEING CALLED THE WORST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE OF

是的，它被稱為最糟糕的總統辯論的

ALL TIME BUT REMEMBER THERE'S STILL TWO POR DEBATES TO GO.

但請記住，還有兩場POR辯論要進行。

SO WHO KNOWS.

所以誰也不知道。

IF IT GETS THE CHANCE TO HANG ON TO THAT RECORD.

如果它有機會掛在那張唱片上，

I DON'T EVEN THINK WORD DEBATE IS ENOUGH, I THINK THEY HAVE TOK

我甚至不認為文字辯論已經足夠了，我認為他們必須要做的

PANNED IT.

潘尼了。

I THINK IT MAY BE THE WORST THING EVER THAT OURED ON

我想這可能是我們有史以來最糟糕的事情了

TELEVISION.

電視：

AND ON THIS SHOW WE ONCE PLAYED A GAME CALLED ARE YOU MART

在這個節目中，我們曾經玩過一個叫 "你是馬特嗎 "的遊戲。

SMARTER THAN A WHOOPI GOLDBERG IMPERSONATOR.

比WHOOPI GOLDBERG IMPERSONATOR更聰明。

(LAUGHTER) DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?

(笑)你還記得嗎？

>> OH YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT.

>> 哦，是的，我想起了。

I THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP EVERY NIGHT.

我每晚入睡前都會想一想。

>> I THINK ABOUT IT AND I SOMETIMES THINK I THINK ABOUT

>> 我想了想，有時也想了想。

THE LEVEL OF THINGS THAT HAD TO HAPPEN FOR THAT TO END UP ON

必鬚髮生的事情的水準，這最終上

TELEVISION.

電視：

LIKE WE ALL PITCH BAD THINGS FROM TIME TO TIME.

像我們都投擲壞東西 從時間到時間。

BUT WE HAD A WHOOPI GOLDBERG IMPERSONATOR HERE AND I THINK

但我們有一個WHOOPI GOLDBERG IMPERSONATOR在這裡，我認為，

CHRISTIAN SLATER HAD TO ANSWER QUESTIONS, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT,

克里斯蒂安-斯拉特不得不回答問題，你還記得嗎？

GUILLERMO, CHRISTIAN SLATER HAD TO ANSWER QUESTIONS AS TO

吉列爾莫，克里斯蒂安-斯拉特不得不回答問題：

WHETHER HE WAS SMARTER THAN A WHOOPI GOLDBERG IMPERSONATOR.

他是否比一個WHOOPI GOLDBERG IMPERSONATOR更聰明，

>> I PUT THIS OUT OF MY MIND FOR SURE.

>> 我把這個從我的腦海中消失了，肯定。

>> YEAH, I WILL BE HONEST, YOU WON'T FIND IT ON YOUTUBE.

>> 是的，我會說實話，你不會發現它在YOUTUBE。

AND MOST VIEWERS AGREED THAT THE DEBAE LAST NIGHT WAS NOT

大部分觀眾都認為《昨夜的德巴》並不好看

PLEASANT BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A CBS NEWS POLL EIGHT OUT OF TEN

因為根據哥倫比亞廣播公司的新聞調查，十人中有八人

AMERICANS THOUGHT THE TONE OF DEBATE WAS NEGATIVE.

美國人認為辯論的基調是消極的。

THE OTHER TWO WILL SAY ANYTHING TO GET THEIR DAD'S APPROVAL.

其他兩個人為了得到父親的認可，什麼話都會說。

NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN, ERIC.

永遠不會發生，埃裡克。

INCREDIBLY, 17% OF PEOPLE POLLED ACTUALLY THOUGHT THE DEBATE WAS

令人驚訝的是，17%的民意調查認為這場辯論是。

POSITIVE.

積極的。

THOSE 17 PERCENT ARE ALSO THE PEOPLE WHO STILL THINK GENDER

這17%的人也是那些仍然認為性別的人。

REVEAL PARTIES ARE FUN.

揭祕派對很有趣。

TRUMP WAS SO AGGRESSIVE AND RUDE THAT AT ONE POINT BIDEN COULDN'T

特朗普是如此的攻擊性和粗魯，以至於一度讓比登無法。

HELP BUT BE PRETTY RUDE HIMSELF.

幫助，但很粗魯自己。

>> WOULD YOU.

>> 你會嗎？

>> WAIT A MINUTE THE FINAL WORD.

>> 等一下，最後一句話。

>> WELL IT'S HARD TO GET ANY WORD WITH THIS CLOWN, EXCUSE ME,

>> 好吧，這很難得到任何字與這個CLOWN，原諒我。

THIS PERSON.

這個人。

>> LET ME TELL YOU-- .

>> LET ME TELL YOU-- .

>> James: NOW I DON'T THINK THIS IS FAIR, OKAY, I WANT TO

>> 詹姆斯。現在我不認為這是不公平的，好吧，我想。

STICK UP FOR CLOWNS HERE.

粘在這裡的小丑。

BECAUSE, I DO.

因為，我有。

CLOWNS THEY GET-- SOME-- CLOWNS ONLY MAKE SOME PEOPLE CRY, YOU

他們得到的... 一些... ... 蠟燭只讓一些人哭泣，你。

KNOW.

知道。

>> Reggie: TRUE.

>> 雷吉：是的。

>> James: AND THAT WASN'T THE ONLY TIME BIDEN GOT FRUSTRATED

>> 詹姆斯。那不是比登唯一一次發怒的時候

BY TRUMP'S CONSTANT INTERRUPTIONS.

被特朗普不斷的干擾。

AT ANOTHER POINT HE SAID THIS.

在另一個點上，他說這。

>> YOU ARE IN VOTE NOW, VOTE AND LET YOUR SENATORS KNOW HOW

>> 你現在就在投票，投票並讓你的參議員知道如何投票。

STRONG YOU FEEL.

堅強的你感覺。

>> ARE YOU GOING TO.

>> 你要去。

>> VOTE NOWRKS MAKE SURE YOU LET PEOPLE KNOW, YOUR SENATORS.

>> 現在投票，確保你讓人們知道，你的參議員。

>> I'M NOT GOING TO ANSWER THE QUESTION.

>> 我不會回答這個問題。

>> WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION.

>> 你為什麼不回答這個問題。

>> THE QUESTION IS SHALL DID SHALL.

>> 問題是，是否應該這樣做。

>> THE QUESTION.

>> 問題：

>> RADICAL LEVEL.

>> 輻射水準。

>> WILL YOU SHUT UP, MAN.

>> 你能不能閉嘴，夥計。

>> Reggie: YES, YES.

>> 雷吉：是的，是的。

(APPLAUSE).

(掌聲).

>> James: AND IT WORKED, IT WORKED, TRUMP WAS INCREDIBLY

>> 詹姆斯。它的工作，它的工作，特朗普是令人難以置信的。

QUIET AND RESPECT FOR-- RESPECTFUL FOR THE REST OF

安靜和尊重... ...尊重其他人

THE DEBATE.

辯論：

I WOULDN'T BE SUR PRIESED IF HE IS STILL AT THE PODIUM NOW,

如果他現在還在PODIUM的話，我就不擔心了。

DOESN'T KNOW EVERYONE HAS LEFT AND HE IS STILL JUST TALKING.

不知道大家都離開了，他還只是在說話。

THE FORMER VICE PRESIDENT JUST TALKED TO TRUMP.

前任副總統剛剛和特朗普談過。

HE TALKED THE TRUMP THE SAME WAY YOU TALK TO YOUR BROTHER, LIKE

他跟特朗普說話的方式，就像你跟你的兄弟說話一樣，就像：

WHEN HE WON'T STOP ASKING QUESTIONS WHILE YOU ARE TRYING

當他不停地問問題，而你卻在努力的時候

TO WATCH THE GREAT BRITISH BAKING SHOW, YOU KNOW WHAT I

觀看 "偉大的英國烘焙秀"，你知道我在說什麼嗎？

MEAN, THIS ISN'T THE TECHNICAL CHALLENGE, IT IS THE SHOW

我的意思是，這不是技術上的挑戰，而是表演上的挑戰。

STOPPER, I EXPLAINED IT TO YOU.

停下來，我解釋給你聽。

I EXPLAINED IT TO YOU BEFORE.

我之前給你解釋過了。

THERE IS THE-- WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP, MANK I'M TRAYING TO

有... ... 你能不能閉嘴，曼克我訓練到了

LOOK AT A ZIGGY STARDUST CAKE.

看看一個ZIGGY STARDUST蛋糕。

BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ONLINE PRAISED BIDEN FOR SAYING, ONE

但網上很多人都稱讚比登說，一。

PERSON WILL EVEN SWEET TWEETED WILL YOU SHUT UP, MAN, IS THE

人甚至會甜蜜的微博你會閉嘴，男人，是的。

LINE OF THE NIGHT.

夜之線：

AND THEN I SO FEEL FOR MILLIARY RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I'M POSITIVE

然後我現在就為MILLIARY感到高興，因為我是個積極的人。

SHE WANTED TO SAY THAT AND SHE COULDN'T.

她想說，但她不能。

TO WHICH HILLARY CLINTON ACTUALLY RESPONDED, YOU HAVE NO

希拉里-克林頓實際迴應了什麼，你沒有。

IDEA.

IDEA：

I THINK I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

我想我有個想法。

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: AND WE'LL FIND OUT A LITTLE LATER TONIGHT WHEN WE SIT

>> 詹姆斯。今晚我們坐下來就會知道。

DOWN WITH SECRETARY CLINTON AND HAVE A CHAT.

和克林頓一起哈拉。

ONE OF THE MOST OUTRAGE MOST-- OUTRAGEOUS MOMENTS WAS

其中最令人憤怒的最... 最... 最令人驚奇的時刻是：

WHEN TRUMP FAILED TO CONDEMN WHITE SUPREMACY AND FOX NEWS

當特朗普未能譴責白人至上和福克斯新聞。

CRITICIZED TRUMP FOR NOT TAKING A STAND.

責備特朗普沒有采取立場。

>> DONALD TRUMP PROVED THE BIGGEST WAY UP IN THE HISTORY OF

>> 唐納德-特朗普證明了歷史上最大的漲幅。

DEBATES BY SAYING NOT CONDEMNING WHITE SPREMMIST.

辯論由說不譴責白人SPREMMIST。

I DONE KNOW IF HE DIDN'T HEAR IT BUT HE HAS TO CLARIFY THAT RIGHT

我知道如果他不知道，但他必須澄清這一點。

AWAY, THAT IS LUKE ARE YOU AGAINST EVIL.

遠離，那是盧克是你反對邪惡。

WHY THE PRESIDENT DIDN'T JUST KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK I'M NOT

我不明白主席為什麼不乾脆把它打發了。

SURE.

當然了

>> James: I'M PRETTY SURE.

>> 詹姆斯。我很確定。

YOU KNOW, AT LEAST IT'S A HUNCH.

你知道，至少這是一個直覺。

YOU KNOW THINGS ARE BAD WHEN FOX NEWS IS TELLING YOU COME ON,

當福克斯新聞告訴你的時候，你就知道事情不妙了。

SIR, JUST SAY ARE YOU NOT RACIST.

先生，你就說你不是種族主義者吧。

TRUMP WOULDN'T CONDEMN WHITE SUPREMACY GROUPS EVEN WHEN THEY

特朗普不會譴責白人至上團體，即使他們的

PRESSED HIM.

逼他。

I MEAN FOR A GUY ON HIS THIRD MARRIAGE I DIDN'T EXPECT HIM TO

我是說對於一個第三次結婚的人來說，我沒想到他還會這樣

BE THIS LOYAL PEOPLE WERE SO DISTURBED BY WHAT HAPPENED

是這個忠誠的人被髮生的事情擾亂了。

DURING LAST NIGHT'S DISASTER A SPECIFIC GOOGLE SEARCH SPIKED

在昨晚的災難中，一個特定的谷歌搜索峰值

SIGNIFICANTLY IN AMERICA RIGHT AFTER THE DEBATE.

辯論結束後，美國明顯。

AND THAT SEARCH WAS MOVE TO CANADA.

和搜索移動到加拿大。

AND MOST OF THAT SEARCHING WAS DONE BY CHRIS WALLACE.

而大部分的搜索工作都是由克里斯-沃利斯完成的。

THE SEARCHES WITH MOST POPULAR IN MASSACHUSETTS, OHIO AND

最受歡迎的搜索在馬薩諸塞州，俄亥俄州和。

MICHIGAN WHICH IS SOME BICK BATTLEGROUND STATES.

密歇根州，這是一些BICK BATTLEGROUND州。

MEANWHILE THE GOOGLE SEARCH MOST POPULAR IN FLORIDA WAS STILL CAN

與此同時，谷歌搜索在佛羅里達州最受歡迎的仍然是可以。

MY ALLIGATOR GET A JET SKI LICENSE.

我的同盟者得到一個噴氣式滑雪執照。

FOR THE MOST PART LAST NIGHT'S DEBATE WAS A COMPLETE WASTE OF

昨晚的辯論基本上是在浪費我們的時間和精力

TIME.

時間。

BUT ONE THING WE DID LEARN FOR SURE IS THAT JOE BIEDERN, JOE

但有一件事我們是肯定的，那就是喬-比德恩，喬-比德恩，喬-比德恩。

BIDEN KNOWS WHERE THE DEAL IS.

BIDEN知道交易在哪裡。

>> NOW HERE'S THE DEAL.

>> 現在，這裡的交易。

>> HERE'S THE DEAL.

>> 這裡的交易。

>> HERE'S THE DEAL.

>> 這裡的交易。

>> HERE'S THE DEAL.

>> 這裡的交易。

>> HERE'S THE DEAL.

>> 這裡的交易。

>> HERE'S THE DEAL.

>> 這裡的交易。

>> HERE'S THE DEAL.

>> 這裡的交易。

>> HERE'S THE DEAL.

>> 這裡的交易。

>> YOU THE WORST PRESIDENT AMERICA HAS EVER HAD SWRZ AND

>> 你是美國有史以來最糟糕的總統SWRZ和。

THAT IS THE DEAL.

這就是交易。