You're quite tall.

你還挺高的。

Hey, I am very tall.

嘿，我很高。

You're, how tall are you?

你，你有多高？

Well I'm five-nine Conan.

嗯，我是59號柯南。

Perfect.

完美的。

How tall are you?

你有多高？

Ooh.

哦。

I know I'm yeah, it's creepy Conan.

我知道我是啊，這是令人毛骨悚然的柯南。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

I'm also Irish Catholic, just like you are.

我也是愛爾蘭天主教徒，就像你一樣。

Are you seriously?

你是認真的嗎？

Yeah.

是啊。

That's you, you know, it's funny

這就是你，你知道，這很有趣。

because everybody knows because of my name.

因為大家都知道，因為我的名字。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

And also because of the red hair and the freckles.

還因為紅頭髮和雀斑。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

People just know that I'm Irish.

人們只知道我是愛爾蘭人

They just know, but I would think,

他們只是知道，但我想。

you don't have that traditional Irish look.

你沒有那種傳統的愛爾蘭人的樣子。

I'm what's known as Black Irish

我是所謂的愛爾蘭黑人。

which I think had something to do

我想這與

with the Spanish Armada or something.

與西班牙艦隊什麼的。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

You're really, you're the authentic Irish.

你真的，你是正宗的愛爾蘭人。

You're like so Irish you're like the forgotten people.

你就像愛爾蘭人，你就像被遺忘的人。

The redheaded freckled.

紅髮雀斑的。

Yes.

是的，我知道

Do you know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

Yes, well I'm like the cliched Irish.

是的，我就像老生常談的愛爾蘭人。

Yes.

是的，我知道

There aren't that many of us.

我們沒有那麼多的人。

Well, think of the famous redheads throughout history.

好吧，想想歷史上那些著名的紅顏知己。

OB?

OB？

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Exactly.

就是這樣

Lucy.

露西

The only two I can think of were on Happy Days.

我唯一能想到的兩個是在《快樂時光》上。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

Lucy.

露西

Lucy.

露西

A fake, she's a fake redhead.

假的，她是個假紅顏。

Exactly.

就是這樣

But then there's you and you really have to,

但還有你，你真的要。

I just feel for you and your people,

我只是為你和你的人感到難過。

you have to carry the weight of your.

你必須承擔你的重量。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Yeah, you know, yeah.

是的，你知道，是的。

Why do you feel for me?

你為什麼對我有感覺？

Don't you feel the pressure?

你不覺得有壓力嗎？

Cause don't you feel the pressure

因為你不覺得有壓力嗎？

of being like the most famous redhead?

像最著名的紅髮？

That's, I don't think I'm the most famous redhead.

那是，我不認為我是最著名的紅髮。

I think you are.

我想你是。

Who else is?

還有誰是？

Remember we've learned tonight

記得今晚我們已經知道了

that I'm on at 12:30 at night.

我在夜裡12點半就開始了。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

That's what Regis taught us.

那是瑞吉斯教我們的。

I'm on at eight opposite Friends.

我在八點的時候和朋友們對面。

So together we'll make sweet, sweet music.

所以，我們將一起做出甜美的音樂。

Yeah, your show.

是啊，你的節目。

You have this new show,

你有這個新節目。

and today, you know they gave me this whole dossier

今天，你知道，他們給了我這整個卷宗

and I'm reading.

我在看書

Yeah. Critics, the critics really like this show.

是啊，評論家們，評論家們都很喜歡這個節目。評論家，評論家真的很喜歡這個節目。

Yeah.

是啊。

They say it's smart, it's funny.

他們說這很聰明，很有趣。

And then they put it opposite Friends.

然後他們把它放在朋友的對面。

How does that feel?

這感覺如何？

That piece of crap, it's going down.

那個垃圾，它要倒了。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Right.

好吧，我知道了

Right.

好吧，我知道了

Yeah,

是啊。

Wow.

哇哦

That was so convincing.

這真是太有說服力了。

I bet they're all trembling over there.

我敢說他們在那邊都在顫抖。

Yeah. It's a, you know, it's bad,

是的，這是一個，你知道，這是不好的。

but someday things will be better.

但總有一天事情會好起來的。

All you can do is control what you can control, right?

你能做的就是控制你能控制的東西，對吧？

That is so true.

這話太對了。

I believe that, I believe in that kind of zen,

我相信，我相信那種禪意。

worry about your own golf swing.

擔心自己的高爾夫揮杆。

Don't worry about that guy's ice skates.

別擔心那個傢伙的冰鞋。

You know what I'm saying?

你知道我在說什麼嗎？

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Yeah. So.

是啊，所以...所以，所以。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Re just rattled me man, he just rattled me.

我只是響亮的人，他只是響亮的我。

Did he?

他有嗎？

Because he's so loud and he's Irish too.

因為他太吵了，而且他也是愛爾蘭人。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

It's Irish night.

這是愛爾蘭之夜。

Yes.

是的，我知道

You didn't know but it is.

你不知道，但它是。

That's how I book the show now, yeah.

我現在就是這樣預訂節目的，是的。

I know.

我知道，我知道

I pretty much pull up in a van at an Irish pub,

我幾乎是在愛爾蘭酒吧的一輛貨車上停車。

come on in here.

來吧在這裡。

Now you used to, you're of course,

現在你習慣了，你當然是。

we do this show in New York city,

我們做這個節目在紐約市。

you're here.

你在這裡。

Yeah.

是啊。

You're here visiting, you used to live here.

你是來旅遊的，你以前住在這裡。

Yes.

是的，我知道

Is that where you started acting?

你是在那裡開始演戲的？

Did you start it in Manhattan?

你是在曼哈頓開始的嗎？

I started acting here,

我在這裡開始演戲。

I had my first paying job.

我有了第一份有償工作。

I went to college here and everything,

我在這裡上過大學，什麼都有。

I graduated and I got an agent and I had,

我畢業了，我找了個經紀人，我有。

and they called me and they said,

他們打電話給我，他們說，

we have a paying job for you,

我們為你準備了一份有償工作。

it's so exciting.

它是如此令人興奮。

And they were like, because it's exciting,

他們很喜歡，因為它的刺激。

cause you fit the costume.

因為你適合的服裝。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

The old Johnny Bravo syndrome

老約翰尼布拉沃綜合症

on The Brady Bunch, you fit the costume.

在 "布雷迪幫 "裡，你適合這套服裝。

Right, you're the second person who said that to me.

對，你是第二個對我說這話的人。

Yeah.

是啊。

And, so what it was Conan was that I was hired

所以，柯南的意思是，我是被僱傭來的

to be the world cup soccer mascot,

成為世界盃足球吉祥物。

Striker, that is his name.

斯泰克，那是他的名字。

The world cup has a soccer mascot?

世界盃有足球吉祥物？

Whatever, they did then.

不管了，他們當時就這樣做了。

And what if,

那如果。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

let me guess.

讓我猜猜看

You're the reason they don't anymore, right?

你就是他們不再這樣做的原因，對嗎？

Probably.

也許吧

Wait, what, who is Striker?

等等，什麼，誰是斯泰克？

What kind of an animal is Striker?

斯泰克是什麼動物？

Well, Conan, Striker is a friendly lovable dog and.

嗯，柯南，斯泰克是一隻友好可愛的狗，而且。

Soccer and dog?

足球和狗？

Exactly, yeah.

沒錯，是的。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I don't get the connection.

我不明白的連接。

I don't either, because dogs love balls.

我也不喜歡，因為狗喜歡球。

I don't know.

我不知道。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

If you're gonna talk that way, I'm gonna leave,

如果你要這麼說，我就走了。

read my Regis Philbin book.

讀我的雷吉斯-菲爾賓的書

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

No, no, wait, there's more.

不，不，等等，還有更多。

Oh yeah, okay, there's more, all right, so?

哦，是的，好的，還有更多的，好嗎，所以？

Okay, so the thing is that I'm trying

好吧，所以事情是，我試圖。

to be a good actor you know?

要成為一個好演員，你知道嗎？

And I'm thinking well, I wear a costume,

我想好了，我穿的是服裝。

but I still am playing a character.

但我還是在扮演一個角色。

So I wear the costume and people are being mean.

所以，我穿上這身衣服，人們就會很凶。

How big is the costume?

這套服裝有多大？

It's a head,

這是一個頭。

it's like a big paper mache head.

它就像一個大紙糊的頭。

Like the one we just had out here?

就像我們剛剛在這裡的那個？

It's sweaty.

它的汗水。

Yes, yes, like that.

是的，是的，就像這樣。

So, you know, we.

所以，你知道，我們。

Yes it's like that, but you didn't wear that.

是的，是這樣的，但你沒有穿那個。

Did you?

你有嗎？

What?

什麼？

The Conan one?

柯南那個？

Your own Conan head.

你自己的柯南頭。

Yeah, I do at night.

是的，我在晚上做。

Yeah. Well.

是啊。好吧

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

So it was very, very uncomfortable,

所以非常非常不舒服。

and people like, people hate characters.

和人們喜歡，人們討厭的角色。

Unless you're at Disneyland,

除非你是在迪斯尼樂園。

people look down on you

人見人厭

and they would go up and knock on my head

他們會上前敲我的頭

and like talk through my nose.

並喜歡用鼻子說話。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Oh, that's so rude.

哦，那是如此粗魯。

I know.

我知道，我知道

They would really bang on the head?

他們真的會砰然心動？

Yes, they'd be like, are you a girl dog or a boy dog?

是的，他們會說，你是女狗還是男狗？

They were awful, and then,

他們是可怕的，然後。

but then to add insult to injury,

卻又雪上加霜。

they would wanna take their picture with me,

他們會想和我合影。

and I realized like seven hours into the 20 hour day,

我意識到像7小時到20小時的一天。

that every time somebody went to take their picture with me,

每次有人去和我合影的時候。

I would smile.

我會微笑。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

You would smile inside the head?

你會在腦袋裡面笑？

I would smile inside the head.

我會在腦袋裡面微笑。

Oh that's so sad.

哦，這是如此悲傷。

And no one could see?

也沒有人能夠看到？

And no one could see.

而且沒有人能夠看到。

And so by the end of the day, I was so angry.

所以到了最後，我很生氣。

I would just frown.

我只會皺眉。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Yeah, that showed them.

是啊，這讓他們看到了。

That'll show them.

這會讓他們知道。

That'll show them.

這會讓他們知道。

Yeah.

是啊。

That picture where my giant head is smiling,

那張照片上，我的巨頭正在微笑。

I'm frowning inside.

我在心裡皺著眉頭。

I was mad.

我當時很生氣。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Yeah.

是啊。

You'll get yours.

你會得到你的。

That's sad.

真可悲

That was my first job I know it is sad.

那是我的第一份工作，我知道這很難過。

Well now things are going great.

現在一切都很順利。

You start low, you work your way up.

你從低處開始，你要努力向上。

That's right.

是的

The opposite of how I'm doing it.

和我的做法正好相反。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Gilmore Girls is on Thursday nights.

吉爾莫女孩是在週四晚上。

Yes.

是的，我知道

At eight o'clock

八點鐘的時候

on the WB and people really like the show.

在WB，人們真的很喜歡這個節目。

Yes they do.

是的，他們做。

So check it out.

那就去看看吧

All right, I do already but you should.

好吧，我已經做了，但你應該。

When there's a commercial on Friends.

當有一個廣告的朋友。

Yeah.

是啊。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Yeah.

是啊。

Lauren, thanks for being here,

勞倫，謝謝你來這裡。

good to have you.

很高興你能來

Thank you.

謝謝你了

Lauren Graham everybody.

勞倫-格雷厄姆大家好

Louis classic.

路易經典。