is that the president and first lady

是總統和第一夫人

have tested positive for coronavirus.

已對冠狀病毒檢測呈陽性。

In any other time in history,

在歷史上任何其他時期。

this would be the craziest story of all time.

這將是最瘋狂的故事 所有的時間。

In the year 2020, it's Friday.

在2020年，今天是星期五。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Seriously when the news broke, 2020 was like,

說真的當這個消息傳出後，2020年就像。

"Come on, you had to see this one coming."

"來吧，你必須要看到這一次的到來。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I actually didn't see this coming.

其實我並沒有預料到這一點。

Last night, I went to bed thinking tonight's

昨天晚上，我睡覺的時候，想著今晚的

whole monologue would be about NASA calling off their mission

整個獨白將是關於美國宇航局叫停他們的任務。

to send a $23 million toilet to space.

將一個價值2300萬美元的廁所送上太空。

[ Laughter ] -What?

[笑聲] 什麼？

-We had 300 jokes on that. -[ Groans ]

-我們有300個笑話。-[呻吟]

-Unlike the presidential debate,

-不像總統辯論會。

I hope people can learn from this.

希望大家能從中吸取教訓。

If the most powerful, most protected person on Earth

如果地球上最有權勢、最受保護的人

can get COVID-19, anyone can.

可以得到COVID -19，任何人都可以。

And no one should have to suffer through this horrible virus.

而沒有人應該承受這種可怕的病毒。

But, yeah, in the middle of night,

但是，是的，在半夜的時候。

Trump confirmed the test results by tweeting...

特朗普通過推特確認了測試結果...

He tweeted that around 1:00 a.m.

他在微博上說，凌晨1點左右。

Usually, that'd make people panic,

通常情況下，這會讓人感到恐慌。

but for Trump, that actually shows he's feeling normal.

但對於特朗普來說，這其實說明他的感覺很正常。

[ Light laughter ] Once the news broke,

[輕笑]一旦消息傳出。

tons of well wishes poured in from leaders around the country.

噸的祝福從全國各地的上司那裡湧來。

Some Democrats even meant them.

有些民主黨人甚至是指他們。

[ Laughter ] Joe Biden tweeted...

喬-拜登在推特上說...

Trump was so touched. He was like, "That's sweet.

特朗普很感動。他說："真貼心。

Give him a like, but not a retweet."

給他點個贊，但不要轉發。"

[ Light laughter ]

[輕笑]

Of course, support for the president and the first lady

當然，對總統和第一夫人的支持。

is also coming in from around the world.

也正從世界各地趕來。

-Russia's Vladimir Putin wished President Trump well

俄羅斯的弗拉基米爾-普京祝特朗普總統好運

in a telegram according to Russian state media.

據俄羅斯國家媒體報道，在一份電報中。

...the telegram reportedly said.

......據報道，電報說。

-Wait, a telegram?

-等等，電報？

[ Laughter ] -Right?

[笑聲] -對嗎？

-What happened? Was the messenger pigeon in the shop?

-發生了什麼事？信鴿在店裡嗎？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Putin was like [ Russian accent ] Sorry,

普京就像[俄語口音]對不起。

is closest thing we have to email.

是我們最接近電子郵件的東西。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Normal voice ] It wasn't just a telegram.

這不只是一封電報。

Putin also sent Trump a get-well Edible Arrangement.

普京還向特朗普送去了一份送好的《可食用安排》。

Of course, in Russia, Edible Arrangements

當然，在俄羅斯，可食用的擺設

are filled with rocks and expired beets.

充滿了石頭和過期的甜菜。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

All this information came out last night,

這些資訊都是昨天晚上傳出來的。

but it wasn't the White House

但這不是白宮

that broke the news. Listen to this.

爆發的新聞。聽聽這個。

-It was not the White House that informed the American public

-不是白宮通知美國公眾的。

or informed us reporters

或通知我們記者

that Hope Hicks had reported positive for this virus.

霍普-希克斯報告了這種病毒的陽性。

It was Jen Jacobs, a reporter at Bloomberg News.

是彭博新聞社的記者詹-雅各布斯。

-Actually, Bob Woodward also knew,

事實上，鮑勃-伍德沃德也知道。

but he was saving the story

但他在保存故事

for his next book in eight months.

為他八個月後的下一本書。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

When it comes to keeping secrets, the White House

在保守祕密方面，白宮

is worse than the "Big Brother" house.

比 "大哥大 "的房子還糟糕。

Luckily, some people in Trump's inner circle are okay.

幸運的是，特朗普的內部圈子裡有些人還好。

-Vice President Pence and the Second Lady, Karen Pence,

副總統彭斯和第二夫人凱倫-彭斯。

have tested negative this morning.

今天早上檢測結果為陰性。

That's according to their press secretary.

這是他們的新聞祕書說的。

Obviously they were quite concerned.

顯然，他們相當關注。

-That's right, Mike Pence got tested.

沒錯，邁克-彭斯被測試了。

For the nurse, it was like sticking a cotton swab

對於護士來說，這就像插著一根棉籤一樣。

up a giant cotton swab.

了一個巨大的棉籤。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, it was a roller coaster of a day for Pence.

是啊，今天對彭斯來說是雲霄飛車般的一天。

Here he is when he found out he might have been exposed

這是他發現自己可能被曝光時的樣子

to the virus.

到病毒。

And here he is celebrating that he is completely fine.

在這裡，他正在慶祝，他是完全正常的。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Meanwhile all this news is leading to questions

同時，所有這些新聞都會引起質疑

about the next presidential debate.

關於下一次總統辯論。

-Will the next presidential debate even happen?

-下一次的總統辯論還會發生嗎？

It is supposed to be in 13 days.

應該是在13天后。

If you've tested positive for COVID,

如果你的COVID檢測結果呈陽性。

you are supposed to isolate at least 10 days

你應該至少隔離10天。

after the symptoms first appear.

症狀初現後。

-Yep, the debate could be postponed --

是的，辯論可能會被延後 -- -- --

not 'cause of the coronavirus,

不是冠狀病毒的原因。

just 'cause no one wants to moderate it.

只是因為沒有人願意調節它。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Mitch McConnell even floated the idea

米奇-麥康奈爾甚至提出了這樣的想法。

of holding a virtual debate.

召開虛擬辯論會。

That should be good. They couldn't stop interrupting

那應該是好事。他們不停地打斷

each other in person, and now they're gonna try it over Zoom?

彼此的親身經歷，現在他們要在Zoom上試試？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Can we leave the meeting?

我們可以離開會議了嗎？

Let's change gears here.

讓我們在這裡換個等級。

Today, I saw that a New York staple is returning tomorrow

今天，我看到紐約的一個主打產品明天就要回來了。

after a six-month absence...

睽違半年後...

-Horse-drawn carriages are returning to Central Park

-馬車正在返回中央公園。

on Saturday.

上週六。

Carriage drivers held a news conference in the park.

馬車司機在公園裡召開新聞發佈會。

Rides were halted in March

3月停止乘車

when nonessential businesses were closed.

當非必要的企業被關閉時。

-Good news is everyone agrees that masks are good

-好消息是大家都認為口罩是好東西。

when you are sitting right behind a horse.

當你坐在馬後面的時候。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

New York is a lot different than it was six months ago.

紐約與半年前相比有了很大的不同。

For 50 bucks, you can hitch a ride around a park

花50塊錢，你就可以在公園裡搭車了。

or buy a two-bedroom apartment.

或者買一套兩居室的公寓。

[ Laughter, groaning ]

[笑聲，呻吟]

It's been a weird time for the horses, too,

對馬兒來說，這段時間也很奇怪。

because the past six months, they've been working over Zoom.

因為在過去的半年裡，他們一直在為Zoom工作。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

And finally, I saw that Brach's is now selling candy corn

最後，我看到Brach's現在在賣糖果玉米。

that tastes like Thanksgiving dinner

味同嚼蠟

with flavors like green bean, turkey, and stuffing.

有綠豆、火雞、餡料等口味。

[ People groaning ]

[人民呻吟]

Hey, don't knock it until you spit it out.

嘿，不吐出來就別敲了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

If that was the vaccine for coronavirus,

如果那是冠狀病毒的疫苗。

people still wouldn't eat them. [ Laughter ]

人們仍然不會吃他們。[笑聲]

At this point, 2020 is just rubbing it in.

在這一點上，2020年只是擦邊球。