what's going on, okay?

這是怎麼回事，好嗎？

We are taping here at the Largo Theater,

我們正在拉哥劇院錄製。

the historic Largo Theater,

歷史悠久的拉戈劇院。

in La Cieniga Boulevard,

在La Cieniga大道上。

in Los Angeles, West Hollywood.

在洛杉磯，西好萊塢。

And, you know, we come to this theater

而且，你知道，我們來到這個劇院。

because we thought theaters are in trouble,

因為我們認為影院有麻煩了。

let's revive a theater,

讓我們重振劇院。

let's keep it going.

讓我們繼續下去。

Seemed like a nice thing to do.

似乎是件好事

[Andy] Right. Right?

[安迪]對。對吧？

What happens?

發生了什麼？

We get here this morning,

我們今天早上到這裡。

and we find out that someone broke in to our little theater

我們發現有人闖進了我們的小劇院。

and took some of our equipment!

並拿走了我們的一些設備！

Some of the equipment we use to make the show.

我們用來製作節目的一些設備。

We got robbed, Andy!

我們被搶劫了，安迪！

Robbed!

搶劫！

Who would've thought?

誰會想到呢？

[Conan] Yeah. You would have thought

是啊你會認為

that the minute they came in

他們一進來

and saw Conan on anything,

並看到柯南在任何。

they would've been like

他們會像

"no, c'mon,

"不，來吧。

"he's one of the good guys."

"他是一個好人。"

[Conan] Yes. Let's go break into

是的我們去闖一闖

someone else's spot, yeah.

別人的位置，是的。

Yeah, and whoever broke in here

是啊，不管是誰闖進這裡

had to stare what I think is about 350 cardboard cutouts

不得不盯著我認為是350個紙板剪紙的東西

of exuberant fans in the eyes

旺盛的粉絲的眼睛

and say, "hey,

並說："嘿。

"don't mind me, I'm gonna steal some shit."

"別管我，我要去偷點東西。"

Wow, imagine if the robber was still here.

哇，想象一下，如果劫匪還在這裡。

[Conan] Yeah. Just sitting here quietly

是啊只是靜靜地坐在這裡

in all the cutouts, oops.

在所有的切口，哎呀。

The robber probably,

劫匪可能。

we probably walked in and the robber just went-

我們可能走在 和劫匪只是去 -

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Robber's here somewhere, I don't know who it is.

劫匪在這裡的某個地方，我不知道是誰。

I wanna ask our field producer.

我想問問我們的現場製片人

He's been with me almost since day one,

他幾乎從第一天開始就和我在一起了。

and he holds the show together,

他把節目的內容整合在一起。

Jason Chillemi, I call him Chills

Jason Chillemi，我叫他Chills。

or Chilly Willy, as he prefers.

或者他更喜歡的奇利威利。

Jason, what did they take exactly?

傑森，他們到底拿了什麼？

They got a couple of laptops.

他們有幾臺筆記本電腦。

Laptops?

筆記本電腦？

I mean, they took our laptops.

我的意思是，他們把我們的筆記本電腦。

That's just the lowest.

這只是最低的。

What's that?

那是什麼？

It's how we do our interviews.

這就是我們的採訪方式。

That's how we do the interviews.

我們就是這樣進行採訪的。

We do the interviews on Zoom.

我們在Zoom上做採訪。

They ripped off our laptops!

他們搶走了我們的筆記本電腦！

What else did they take? They took our slate.

他們還拿了什麼？他們還拿走了我們的石板。

Okay, whenever we make a show,

好吧，每當我們做一個節目。

Jason steps in and does a slate.

傑森走進來，做了一個板磚。

This thing, you've seen it all the time.

這個東西，你見多了。

It's been around since the beginning of movies

從電影開始，它就已經存在了

where they go "and."

他們去哪裡 "和"。

You know, "here we go."

你知道，"在這裡，我們去。"

They took that!

他們拿走了！

That's the lowest!

這是最低的！

I can't think of anything lower.

我想不出還有什麼比這更低的了。

Okay, the laptops fine,

好了，筆記本好了。

you took the slate?

你拿了板磚？

Yeah I know.

是的，我知道。

That's crazy.

那是瘋狂的。

No, you know what I was thinking about?

不，你知道我在想什麼嗎？

Look at us!

看看我們！

What happened to us?

我們怎麼了？

This kind of shit isn't happening

這種事是不會發生的

to other big time late night shows.

到其他大型深夜節目。

No one breaks in to the Tonight Show

沒有人闖入 "今夜秀 "節目

and steals all the equipment.

並偷走了所有的設備。

What happened to us?

我們怎麼了？

We've become this garage band that drives around.

我們已經成為這個車庫樂隊，開車到處跑。

We got our van, and we parked in an alley

我們拿到了我們的麵包車，我們把車停在了一條小巷子裡

and someone broke in and took our amps!

有人闖入並拿走了我們的音箱!

[Andy] Right. What is that?

對那是什麼？

This doesn't happen to the other talk show hosts.

這種情況不會發生在其他脫口秀主持人身上。

This would never happen to Kimmel or Fallon

這種情況絕不會發生在金梅爾和法倫身上。

or any of those guys.

或任何這些傢伙。

No one breaks in,

沒有人闖入。

"what happened?"

"發生了什麼事？"

"We couldn't do a show today."

"我們今天不能做節目了。"

"What happened?"

"發生了什麼事？"

"They broke in and took our shit, man.

"他們闖進來，拿走了我們的東西，夥計。

"They took our shit while we were sleeping."

"他們在我們睡覺的時候拿走了我們的東西"

(laughter)

（笑聲）

What kind of new low is this for us?

這對我們來說是怎樣的新低？

And then who do I have to bitch,

那我還得跟誰發牢騷。

what's our security?

什麼是我們的安全？

Our security is a bunch of photographs.

我們的保全是一堆照片。

(laughter) Cardboard photographs of fans

(笑聲) 粉絲的紙板照片

from across the country.

來自全國各地的。

Jason, you've been with me for like 27 years.

傑森，你已經和我在一起27年了。

You gotta admit this is a new low.

你得承認這是一個新的低點。

It is a new low.

這是一個新的低點。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

"Hey man, there's gonna be no Late Show tonight,"

"嘿，夥計，今晚不會有晚間秀了，"

says Colbert.

科爾伯特說。

"No Late Show tonight."

"今晚沒有晚間秀"

"What happened?"

"發生了什麼事？"

"They broke in to the Ed Sullivan,

"他們闖進了艾德-沙利文。

"they stole our shit, man."

"他們偷了我們的東西，男人。"

They stole my desk. (laughter)

他們偷了我的桌子。（笑聲）

I'm sorry.

我很抱歉

I'm sorry, whoever you are-

對不起，不管你是誰... ...

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Man, just for the laugh alone,

男人，只為笑。

maybe it's worth it.

也許是值得的。

Right right.

對對對。

Enjoy the laptops.

享受筆記本電腦。

Yeah, what's the robber gonna do with this thing?

是啊，那強盜要怎麼處理這東西？

[Andy] I don't know.

我不知道

What?

什麼？

And he probably was like,

他可能是喜歡。

"and that's a robbery!" Clack!

"那是搶劫！"咔嚓！

And it wasn't like a battery one that was like synced.

而且它不像電池的那樣，是像同步的。

It was just like wood.

它就像木頭一樣。

Yes, it's what kids use.

是的，這是孩子們用的。

It's what 16 year olds use to make a student film.

這是16歲的孩子用來拍學生片的。

Or that you can go buy on Hollywood Boulevard.

或者說你可以去好萊塢大道上買。

You can buy them.

你可以買他們。

Probably in Hollywood, they're on the street.

可能是在好萊塢，他們在街上。

They're everywhere, and he took it!

他們到處都是，而他卻拿走了!

It's ridiculous!

太荒唐了！

I think we got ours at a souvenir shop.

我想我們的是在紀念品店買的。

Suddenly this show that I've been working on for 27 years

忽然間，這個我做了27年的節目

is a Nissan Sentra.

是一輛日產Sentra。

(laughter) It's a 1995 Nissan Sentra.

(笑聲)這是一輛1995年的日產Sentra。

They took the air conditioning right out.

他們把空調直接拆了。

I put a blanket over the stuff.

我把毯子蓋在東西上。

I didn't think anyone would notice.

我不認為有人會注意到。