Let's get to the news and jokes.

讓我們來看看新聞和笑話。

Well, guys, after two days of controversy,

好了，各位，經過兩天的爭論。

today President Trump finally did the right thing

今天特朗普總統終於做了一件正確的事

and forcefully rejected white supremacy.

並強硬地拒絕了白人至上主義。

Take a look.

看看吧

[ Tone ]

[語氣]

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I'm --

我是...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-I'm kidding. He hasn't done that at all.

-我開玩笑的我開玩笑的 他根本就沒這麼做

And as a result, Republicans are distancing themselves

是以，共和黨人正在與自己保持距離

from the president.

從總統。

-The president's debate performance has sparked

-總統的辯論表現引發了。

a torrent of criticism that even his most ardent allies

滔滔不絕的責備，連他的最忠實的盟友也不例外

have struggled to contain.

已難以遏制。

And Republicans on Capitol Hill

而國會山的共和黨人

are now distancing themselves from the president

現在正與總統保持距離

after he failed to disavow a far-right fascist group.

後，他沒有闢謠一個極右法西斯組織。

-There's been six months of a pandemic

-已經有6個月的流行病了。

and now the Republicans are distancing?

現在共和黨人又開始疏遠了？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yup, they're really trying to distance themselves

是啊，他們真的是想和自己保持距離。

from Trump's white supremacy issue.

從特朗普的白人至上主義問題。

In fact, today Mitch McConnell brought a bill

事實上，今天米奇-麥康奈爾帶來了一項法案。

to the Senate floor to bring back the Source Awards.

到參議院的會場，讓源頭獎重現。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Wait, what?

-等等，什麼？

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

That's right, Republicans said this as the last straw.

沒錯，共和黨人說這是最後一根稻草。

Then tomorrow they'll be like,

那麼明天他們就會像。

"Oh, we found a bunch more straws."

"哦，我們又找到了一堆稻草。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Turns out all these controversies are causing

原來這些爭論都是造成了

the president's biggest supporters

總統的最大支持者

to experience "Trump fatigue."

來體驗 "特朗普疲勞"。

I think it might be true. Today when Trump called in

我覺得可能是真的。今天特朗普打電話來的時候

to "Fox & Friends," Steve Doocy was like,

到 "福克斯和朋友"，史蒂夫・杜奇就像。

"Ugh, just let the machine get it."

"唉，就讓機器去弄吧。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"We have to talk for 45 minutes, and just so --

"我們要談45分鐘，只是... ...

Yeah, what did say?"

是啊，說了什麼？"

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

[說話含糊不清]

How do you get away from Trump though?

不過如何擺脫特朗普？

It's like dealing with a bear. Do you run?

這就像對付一隻熊。你會跑嗎？

Do you act big? Do you play dead?

你會裝大牌嗎？你會裝死嗎？

No one knows. [ Laughter ]

沒有人知道。[笑聲]

That's right. Republicans are finally

沒錯，共和黨人終於共和黨人終於

stepping up to say it's not okay to publicly support

站出來說公開支持是不行的。

white supremacy...more than seven or eight times, tops.

白人至上主義......超過七八次，最多。

Eight is -- eight is enough.

八個... 八個就夠了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Well, earlier today, John Roberts from Fox News

今天早些時候，福克斯新聞的約翰-羅伯茨...

tried to give the White House a chance to clear things up

試圖給白宮一個澄清的機會。

and denounce white supremacy,

並譴責白人至上主義。

but Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany

但新聞祕書Kayleigh McEnany

had a tough time with that. Watch this.

有一個艱難的時間與。看這個。

-Just to clear it up this morning, can you, naming it,

-今天早上我想澄清一下，你能不能，說出它的名字。

make a declarative statement that you denounce --

聲討

that the president denounces it? -I just did.

總統譴責它？-我剛剛宣佈了

The president has denounced this repeatedly.

總統已經多次譴責這一點。

-You read a bunch of quotes from the past.

-你讀了一堆過去的名言。

-The president was asked this. You're making --

-有人問總統這個問題你在做...

You're contriving a story. -No I'm not.

你在編造一個故事-不，我沒有

-Yeah, Trump's like some sort of mythical troll.

-是啊，特朗普就像某種神話般的巨魔。

You got to ask the same question three times before you

同樣的問題你要問三遍才行

get the answer you're looking for.

得到你要找的答案。

[ With accent ] "There's only one way to reveal the answer --

"只有一個辦法可以揭曉答案--

say the question, but in reverse."

說問題，但要反過來說。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

The only way their gonna condemn white supremacy is

他們要譴責白人至上主義的唯一方法是：

if you sneak it into Trump's teleprompter the way you sneak

如果你偷偷地把它放到特朗普的提詞器裡，就像你偷偷地把它放到特朗普的提詞器裡一樣。

medicine into a dog food.

藥入狗糧。

[ As Trump ] "And then we're gonna --

[作為特朗普] "然後我們要去 -

I do not support white supremacists.

我不支持白人至上主義者。

Bring back football."

把足球帶回來。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

After that exchange, Roberts didn't hold back

那次交鋒後，羅伯茨並沒有退縮。

how he was feeling.

他的感覺如何。

This is real. Take a look at this.

這是真實的。看看這個。

-And for all of you on Twitter who are hammering me

-對於所有在推特上敲打我的人而言

for asking that question, I don't care,

對於問這個問題，我不關心。

because it's a question that needs to be asked

因為這是個需要問的問題。

and clearly the president's Republican colleagues

而顯然總統的共和黨同事

a mile away from here

一里之外

are looking for an answer for it, too.

正在尋找答案，也。

So stop deflecting. Stop blaming the media.

所以不要再轉移話題了。不要再指責媒體了

I'm tired of it.

我已經厭倦了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

-Even Fox News is fed up with Trump.

-連福克斯新聞都受夠了特朗普。

That's like HGTV telling the Property Brothers

這就像HGTV告訴地產兄弟一樣

to take their tight jeans and near beards and beat it.

拿著他們的緊身牛仔褲和近乎鬍鬚的東西去打它。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Tariq: Near beards.

-塔裡克。靠近鬍鬚.

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

-I hope that becomes a thing, man.

-我希望這能成為一個東西，夥計。

After Monday's tax bombshell, Tuesday's debate debacle,

在週一的稅務炸彈之後，週二的辯論會上，。

and Wednesday's white supremacy disaster,

和週三的白人至上主義災難。

Trump seemed pretty down at last night's rally.

在昨晚的集會上，特朗普似乎很沮喪。

[ "YMCA" plays ]

["基督教青年會 "戲劇]

-♪ Young man ♪

-年輕人

♪ There's no need to feel down ♪

沒有必要感到沮喪?

♪ Stay at the YMCA ♪

留在YMCA

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-That's actual audio. That's real -- yeah.

-這是真正的音頻。這是真正的... 是的。

Yes, of course. The classic "YMCA" dance.

是的，當然。經典的 "YMCA "舞蹈。

Clapping, pointing, and drawing a circle with you finger.

拍手、指點、用手指畫圓。

[ Laughter ] One, two, three.

[笑] 一，二，三。

It's fun to stay --

呆在這裡很有趣...

♪ YMCA ♪

YMCA

♪♪

♪♪

♪ YMCA ♪

YMCA

♪ They got everything ♪

他們得到了一切

♪ Making boys to men ♪

讓男孩變成男人

♪ Everything that a man could be ♪

*一個男人所能擁有的一切*

♪♪

♪♪

-Y...

-Y...

Right after that dance, white supremacists

就在那支舞之後，白人至上主義者

forcefully rejected Trump.

強烈拒絕了特朗普。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Here's a fun fact. Trump is in so much debt

有一個有趣的事實：特朗普負債累累

pretty soon he'll be staying at the YMCA.

很快他就會住在YMCA。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

After watching that, it's clear that if the presidency

看完之後，很明顯，如果總統的職位

doesn't work out, neither will "Dancing With the Stars."

不工作了，也不會 "與星共舞"。

♪♪

♪♪

I'm just kidding. That was a nice moment.

我只是在開玩笑。這是一個很好的時刻。

Trump was having fun. The crowd was having fun.

特朗普玩得很開心。民眾很開心。

The coronavirus was having fun.

冠狀病毒正玩得不亦樂乎。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

You know what, forget the next debate.

你知道嗎，忘記下一場辯論吧。

Let's just make it a dance-off instead.

我們還是把它變成一場舞蹈比賽吧。

-♪ Young man ♪

-年輕人

♪ When you're short on dough ♪

當你在麵糰上的短缺

♪ You can stay there ♪

你可以留在那裡

-Good God.

-天啊

♪♪

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

[笑]

That's such a good move.

這真是一個好動作。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Everyone is still talking about the debates.

-每個人都在談論辯論。

Oh, my God. Well, except for Rudy Giuliani,

哦，我的上帝。除了Rudy Giuliani,

who is talking about the "debat."

誰在談論 "辯論"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Amazing, you can't even tweet about the debate

竟然連辯論會的事都不能在微博上說了

without Trump interrupting you.

沒有特朗普打斷你。

Trump might be -- Rudy might be right, 'cause

特朗普可能是... 魯迪可能是對的，因為...

I don't think you can legally call what happened a debate.

我不認為你可以合法地將發生的事情稱為辯論。

Not sure where Rudy was going with this.

不知道魯迪要去哪裡。

He's either got something to say about the debate

他要麼是對辯論有話要說

or he's looking for a D batteries.

或者他在找D電池。

But Giuliani --

但是朱利安尼...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

♪♪

♪♪

We are still on the air. We are still on the air.

我們還在直播中。我們還在直播中。

That's the good news.

這是個好消息

Actually, Giuliani quickly noticed and followed that up

其實，朱利安尼很快就注意到了這一點，並進行了跟蹤報道

with a "Oops, my ba."

與 "哎呀，我的巴。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

My ba.

我的巴。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Was afraid of the last letter.

是怕最後一封信。

-Yeah, I got it.

-是的，我知道了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

The guy is doing Trump's debate prep, he can't spell debate.

這傢伙是在做特朗普的辯論準備，他拼不過辯論。

That's like getting a text from your surgeon that says,

這就像你的外科醫生髮來簡訊說：

"Can't wait for your surjeree."

"等不及你的surjeree了。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Some more news from Washington. It just came out

華盛頓又傳來一些消息。剛剛傳出

that the White House and the CDC

白宮和疾控中心

have been clashing over how to handle cruise lines

在如何處理遊輪公司的問題上發生了衝突。

during the pandemic, take a look.

大流行期間，看看。

-The CDC is extending its ban on cruising from U.S. ports

-疾控中心延長了對美國港口的巡航禁令。

through the end of this month.

到本月底。

Axios is reporting the CDC's director wanted to extend

阿克西奧斯報道，疾控中心的主任想延長。

the order until February,

的命令，直到2月。

but Vice President Pence overruled him.

但副總統彭斯否決了他。

Even the cruise ships know it's a bad idea.

連遊輪都知道這是個壞主意。

For a six-day trip they tell you to pack for nine months.

六天的旅行，他們告訴你要準備九個月的行李。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

It'll be a while.

這將是一段時間。

Yeah, the White House overruled the CDC

是啊，白宮否決了疾控中心的意見

on the current cruise ship ban,

關於目前的遊輪禁令。

which might explain this new ad I saw.

這也許能解釋我看到的這個新廣告。

-Are you ready to get out of your apartment?

-你準備好離開你的公寓了嗎？

-Yes. -Are you tired of your

-是的 你厭倦了你那份 "我 "的工作嗎？

same old pandemic routine? -Oh, yeah.

還是老一套的大流行病？-哦，是的

-Then join us this November for a Carnival Cruise.

-那就和我們一起參加11月的嘉年華郵輪之旅吧。

[ Ship horn blows ] -Wait, what?

[船號吹響] 等等，什麼？

-Dive into a pool filled with kids swimming in diapers.

-潛入一個滿是孩子們穿著尿布游泳的游泳池。

-Do I have to? -Share a wet mic

-我必須這樣做嗎？-分享一個溼麥克風

at a karaoke lounge. -Why?

在卡拉OK廳。-為什麼？

-Dig in hands first at our delicious buffet.

-在我們美味的自助餐上先動手挖一挖。

-Is this a trap? -Carnival Cruise.

-這是個陷阱嗎？-嘉年華郵輪

Just a few liability waivers away from setting sail.

只需幾句免責聲明，就可以起航了。

[ Ship horn blows ]

[船號聲]

[ Imitates horn ]

[模仿號角]

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

Well, this isn't good.

嗯，這不是很好。

The highest court in Ireland

愛爾蘭最高法院

just made a pretty shocking ruling, listen to this.

剛做了一個相當令人震驚的裁決， 聽這個。

-Ireland Supreme Court has ruled that the bread served

-愛爾蘭最高法院裁定，所提供的麵包。

at Subway restaurants can't legally be defined as bread.

在Subway餐廳裡，法律上不能定義為麵包。

Subway's bread contains five times

Subway的麵包中含有五倍的

the qualifying limit of sugar.

糖的合格限度。

-Man, all this time I thought it was healthy

-夥計，我一直以為這是健康的。

to eat a meatball parm on 12 inches of honey bread.

在12英寸的蜂蜜麵包上吃肉丸帕爾姆。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Why am I gaining weight?

我為什麼會發胖？

After the ruling, Subway was like, "Whew.

裁決後，地鐵公司的態度是："呼。

They didn't say anything about the meat."

他們沒說什麼肉的事。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

It wasn't just bread. The court also said,

這不僅僅是麵包。法院還說。

"And by the way, stop calling the guy making my sandwich

"對了，別再叫那個給我做三明治的人了

an 'artist.'" [ Laughter ]

一個 "藝術家"。"[笑聲]

That wasn't true. I made that up. That was a joke.

這不是真的。我做的。那是一個玩笑。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Also, what's going on in Ireland

還有，愛爾蘭發生了什麼事？

where that made it to their highest court?

在哪裡，使其成為他們的最高法庭？

Our highest court is about to argue over health care,

我們的最高法院即將就醫保問題展開爭論。

and Ireland's arguing over sandwiches.

和愛爾蘭的三明治爭論不休。

Can we live there? [ Laughter ]

我們可以住在那裡？[笑聲]

Then the justices are like,

然後，大法官們都喜歡。

[ Irish accent ] "Next on the docket,

[愛爾蘭口音]"下一個任務是：

are Taco Bell's tacos actually tacos?"

塔可鐘的玉米餅真的是玉米餅嗎？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

That's one of my Irish accents, but this --

這是我的愛爾蘭口音之一，但這個... ...

This one, what I do, it's the out-of-breath Irish accent.

這個，我做的，是出氣筒式的愛爾蘭口音。

Can you do an Irish accent? -Sure.

你會說愛爾蘭口音嗎？-當然可以

-Do it. Say "Taco Bell's aren't tacos."

-說吧說："塔可鐘不是玉米餅。"

-[ Irish accent ] Taco Bell's aren't tacos!

-塔可鐘不是玉米餅!

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

-That's not Irish. I don't know who you sound like,

-那不是愛爾蘭人我不知道你的聲音像誰。

but it's not Irish, but --

但它不是愛爾蘭人，但 -

But now do it but run out of breath, like...

但現在做起來卻氣喘吁吁，就像... ...

-Okay. Uh, tacos...

-好吧呃，玉米餅...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-I'm not a -- I'm not a dialect coach.

-我不是... 我不是一個方言教練。

What am I -- what am I doing? What am I doing?

我在... 我在做什麼？我在做什麼？

I apologize. I apologize.

我向你道歉我向你道歉

-Your Irish accent sounds more Jamaican to me.

-你的愛爾蘭口音在我聽來更像牙買加人。

-[ Irish accent ] "You never go to Jamaica...

-[愛爾蘭口音] "你從來沒有去牙買加... ...

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

[說話含糊不清]

...get jerk chicken." [ Laughter ]

......得到猛男雞。"[笑]

"They serve real jerk chicken there!"

"他們那裡有真正的擼串雞！"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-I love it. Ole.

-我愛它。我愛它。 奧萊。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

-I saw that a company in the UK is testing a new way

-我看到英國的一家公司正在測試一種新的方式。

to speed up paramedics' response time.

以加快醫護人員的反應時間。

This is cool, watch this.

這很酷，看這個。

-You could be looking at the future

-你可能在看未來

of emergency aid in this simulation from the UK.

的緊急援助，在這次模擬中，來自英國。

The paramedic with the medical kit could

拿著醫療箱的醫護人員可以

quickly respond to people in a jet pack.

在噴氣式揹包中迅速應對人。

The suit has two mini engines on each arm and one on the back.

這套衣服每條手臂上有兩個迷你引擎，背部有一個。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Right now that guy is currently hovering

-現在那個傢伙正盤旋在空中。

over 50 Carnival Cruise ships.

50多艘嘉年華郵輪。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, it's "quick."

是的，這是 "快"。