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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> COMEDY.

    >>喜劇。

  • IT'S NO LAUGHING MATTER, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT ATTEMPTS TO

    這不是什麼好笑的事情,尤其是當它試圖去

  • DERIVE HUMOR FROM THE AMERICAN POLITICAL PROCESS.

    從美國的政治進程中獲得幽默感。

  • THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT IT.

    沒有什麼好玩的。

  • EXCEPT FOR WHEN THAT FLY LANDED ON MIKE PENCE'S HEAD.

    除了當那隻蒼蠅落在邁克-彭斯頭上的時候。

  • THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

    那是相當不錯的。

  • AND YET FOR REASONS UNKNOWN, WEEK AFTER WEEK, STEPHEN COLBERT

    但由於不為人知的原因,週而復始,斯蒂芬-科爾伯特...

  • HAS TAKEN TO "THE LATE SHOW"" AND BRAZENLY ATTEMPTED TO MAKE

    已採取 "晚間秀""並大膽地試圖使......。

  • JOKES IN THE RUN-UP TO THE 2020 ELECTION.

    2020年大選前的笑話。

  • YOU CRAZY BASTARD.

    你這個瘋狂的混蛋。

  • HELLO, I'M SAM WATER STON.

    你好,我是薩姆-沃特-斯頓。

  • YOU MAY RECOGNIZE ME FROM "LAW & ORDER," OR MY PERSONAL PASTA

    你可能會從 "法律與秩序 "中認出我,或者是我的個人PASTA。

  • SAUCES WHERE NONE OF THE MONEY GOES TO CHARITY.

    沒有任何錢捐給慈善機構的醬油。

  • TONIGHT I WILL BE YOUR GUIDE AS WE LOOK AT THE THE LATE SHOW

    今晚我將是你的嚮導,我們看晚間節目。

  • WITH STEPHEN COLBERT'S 2020 CAMPAIGN COVERAGE."

    與STEPHEN COLBERT的2020年競選報道。"

  • AND WHILE THIS WILL BE A COLLECTION OF SOME OF THE BEST

    雖然這將是一個集合的一些最好的。

  • MOMENTS FROM "THE LATE SHOW," I ASSURE YOU THIS IS NOT SOME

    "晚間秀 "的片段,我向你保證,這不是什麼。

  • SILLY "BEST OF" SHOW.

    SILLY "BEST OF "SHOW.

  • IT IS SOMETHING MUCH MORE IMPORTANT.

    這是更重要的事情。

  • TONIGHT, WE FULFILL A COTRACTUAL OBLIGATION TO THE

    今天晚上,我們要履行對《公約》的義務。

  • NETWORK.

    網絡:

  • WE BEGIN WITH SOME OF COLBERT'S BEST MONOLOGUES FROM THE

    我們先來看看柯爾柏特的一些最棒的獨白

  • DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY.

    民主黨初選:

  • FIRST, OF COURSE, THE OPENING CREDITS.

    首先,當然是開場白。

  • >> IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT: 2020 CAMPAIGN

    >> IT'S A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT: 2020 CamPAIGN.

  • COVERAGE SPECIAL."

    報道特別。"

  • PLUS THE BEST OF CANDIDAT MONOLOGUES, THE BEST OF

    加上最好的候選人獨白,最好的。

  • CANDIDATE INTERVIEWS AND CAMPAIGN FIELD PIECES.

    候選人訪談和競選現場報道:

  • AND SAM WATERSTON EATING A GIANT SANDWICH.

    薩姆・沃特斯頓在吃一個巨大的三明治。

  • AND NOW LIVE ON A BURCH OF TAPES FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER,

    現在直播的是ED SULLIVAN劇院的錄音帶。

  • IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!

    是斯蒂芬-科爾伯特!

  • >> TRUMP'S DAYS ARE NUMBERED.

    >> 特朗普的日子不多了。

  • AT LEAST FOR HIS FIRST TERM, BECAUSE WE'RE GETTING CLOSER AND

    至少在他的第一個任期內是這樣,因為我們越來越接近了

  • CLOSER TO THE NEXT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.

    距離下屆總統選舉越來越近。

  • THERE ARE A LOT OF DEMOCRATS IN THIS THING.

    有很多民主黨人在這件事上。

  • IN FACT, HERE ARE ALL THE CANDIDATES.

    事實上,這裡是所有的候選人。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) "THE NEW YORK TIMES" SAYS ARE

    (笑)"紐約時報 "說是

  • EITHERTRUNNING OR MIGHT RUN.

    無論是跑步還是可能運行。

  • THIS-- THERE'S A ( SNIFFS )

    這... ... 有一個(SNIFFS)。

  • OF COURSE, WITH NEARLY 30 PEOPLE POSSIBLY VYING FOR THE

    當然,與近30人可能爭奪冠軍。

  • DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION, IT'S EASIER TO FOCUS ON WHO'S NOT

    民主黨提名,更容易關注誰不是。

  • RUNNING AND WE'LL DO THAT IN MY NEW SEGMENT "NOT DOING IT DONKEY

    奔跑,我們將在我的新部門 "不做它的驢 "中做到這一點。

  • STYLE."

    STYLE。"

  • >> NO, THANKS!

    >> 不,謝謝!

  • >> Stephen: FIRST BOWING OUT, HILLARY CLINTON HAS ANNOUNCED

    >> Stephen:首度退場,希拉里-克林頓已宣佈

  • HE'S NOT RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT IN 2020.

    他不會在2020年競選總統。

  • THAT IS TOUGH NEWS FOR REPUBLICANS.

    這對共和黨人來說是個艱難的消息。

  • THEY STILL HAVEN'T REALIZED SHE'S NO LONGER RUNNING IN 2016.

    他們仍然沒有意識到她沒有在2016年競選。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I STUCK A VOTEO OF VOLDER MORT

    (笑)我插了一個投票較老MORT的

  • IN THERE, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

    在那裡,你甚至沒有注意到。

  • RIGHT DOWN THERE.

    就在那裡。

  • ( APPLAUSE ) OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S A VOLT.

    很明顯,這是一個伏特。

  • VOLDERMORT IS A LIBERTARIAN.

    VOLDERMORT是一個自由主義者 VOLDERMORT IS A LIBERTARIAN.

  • BIDEN HAS LED EVERY NATIONAL POLL OF DEMOCRATS, WITHOUT EVEN

    比登在全美民主黨人的民意調查中都處於領先地位,甚至沒有。

  • HAVING DECLARED HE'S RUNNING.

    宣佈他正在競選,

  • BUT ON SATURDAY, HE MAY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY SPILLED THE BEANS.

    但在週六,他可能不小心把豆子撒出去了。

  • >> I AM THE MOST PROGRESSIVE RECORD OF ANYBODY RUNNING FOR

    >> 我是所有競選人中進步最快的記錄。

  • THE-- IF ANYBODY WHO WOULD RUN.

    如果有誰願意跑,

  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THE MAN HAS NOT

    ( 掌聲 ) >> Stephen:該男子沒有

  • LOST A MISSTEP.

    失去了一個錯誤的步驟。

  • BIDEN LEADS TRUMP BY 13 POINTS.

    比登領先特朗普13個百分點。

  • AND IT'S NOT JUST BIDEN.

    這不僅僅是比登。

  • IN THE POLL, SANDERS BEATS TRUMP BY NINE POINTS, HARRIS WINS BY

    民調中,桑德斯贏了特朗普9個百分點,哈里斯贏了。

  • EIGHT POINTS, WARREN BEATS HIM BY 7.

    八分,華倫勝他七分。

  • BUTTIGIEG AND BOOKER BOTH BEAT HIM BY FIVE.

    BUTTIGIEG和BOOKER都贏了他五分。

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

    (歡呼聲和掌聲):

  • AND-- AND SOMEHOW-- AND SOMEHOW, BILL DE BLASIO STILL LOSES BY

    而且... ... 而且某種程度上,比爾-德-布拉西奧仍然失去了以。

  • 137%.

    137%.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, WE ARE LIVE--

    (笑)現在,我們是活 -

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S A LIVE-- THAT'S A LIVE

    (歡呼聲和掌聲)這是一個活 - 這是一個活的。

  • AUDIENCE RIGHT THERE.

    聽眾就在那裡。

  • IT IS JUST CRACKLING WITH TERRORIST IN HERE.

    它只是噼裡啪啦地響著與恐怖分子在這裡。

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

    (歡呼聲和掌聲):

  • BECAUSE-- WE'RE LIVE AFTER THE FIRST OF TWO DEMOCRATIC

    因為... ...我們正生活在兩屆民主黨人的第一場會議之後。

  • PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES.

    主席辯論:

  • TONIGHT, WEDNESDAY, WAS THE UNDER-CARD PITTING ELIZABETH

    今晚,週二,是下場比賽,艾麗薩貝特。

  • WARREN, CORY BOOKER, AND BETO O'ROURKE AGAINST SEVEN PEOPLE

    WARREN, CORY BOOKER, AND BETO O'ROURKE AGAINST SEVEN PEOPLE.

  • ANGLING FOR MSNBC WHAT'S YOUR MESSAGE FOR CARDI B

    在MSNBC的角力中,你對CARDI B的留言是什麼?

  • AND HER FOLLOWERS.

    和她的追隨者。

  • >> I THANK HER VERY MUCH.H3 I'M VERY APPRECIATIVE TO HAVE

    >> 我非常感謝她.H3 我非常感激有。

  • HER SUPPORT.

    她的支持:

  • >> IT'S THE MATCH-UP OF THE CENTURY.

    >> 這就是本世紀的比賽。

  • LOOK, I DON'T MAKE MONEY MOVES.

    聽著,我不賺錢移動。

  • I MOVIE MONEY FROM THE BILLIONAIRE CLASS TO THE 99%.

    我把錢從億萬富翁階層轉移到99%。

  • I'M A DOG.

    我是一隻狗。

  • I'M A FLIRT.

    我是一個火槍。

  • AND IT'S HIGH TIME WE HAD MEDICARE.

    而現在是我們享受醫保的時候了。

  • IT IS HIGH TIME WE HAD MEDICARE FOR ALL YOU BROKE HO'S.

    現在是時候為你們這些破產的人提供醫保了。

  • I KNOW A BAD BITCH WHEN I SEE ONE.

    我知道一個壞婊子,當我看到一個。

  • TELL RI-RI-I NEED A THREE SELL.

    告訴RI -RI,我需要一個三賣。

  • AFTER NIGHT ONE OF THE DEMOCRATIC DEBATE, THIS IS THE

    在民主黨辯論的第一晚之後,這是

  • SECOND ROUND OF DEBATES, SO WE'RE CALLING IT "DEMOCRATIC

    第二輪辯論,所以我們稱之為 "民主"。

  • DEBATE NIGHT-- TOO MANY CANDIDATES TO REMEMBER FORGET

  • HARDER."

    更難。"

  • JOE BIDEN BROKE THE ICE WITH HARRIS RIGHT OFF THE TOP.

    喬-比登打破了哈里斯的冰封,從頭開始。

  • TOP.

    頂部:

  • >> TO WHICH HARRIS RESPONDED, "I HOPE YOU'RE WEARING A CUP."

    >> 哈里斯回答說:"我希望你戴著罩杯。"

  • >> BIDEN DID WELL ENOUGH TO STOP SOME OF THE FEARS BUT NOT TO

    >> 比登做得很好,足以阻止一些恐懼,但不至於。

  • GIVE PEOPLE THAT OVERWHELMING CONFIDENCE THIS IS OUR GUY.

    給人們以信心,這是我們的人。

  • >> I THINK BIDEN DID OKAY.

    >> 我覺得比登做得還不錯。

  • >> HE CAME THROUGH IT JUST FINE.

    >>他通過它只是罰款。

  • >> HE DID WELL ENOUGH.

    >> 他做得很好,足夠了。

  • WAS HE AMAZING?

    是不是很神奇?

  • WAS HE PERFECT?

    他是完美的嗎?

  • WAS HE ENTIRELY CONSISTENT?

    他是完全一致的嗎?

  • NO.

    編號:

  • >> Stephen: THERE YOU HAVE IT.

    >> Stephen:你有它。

  • DEMOCRATS HAVE GONE FROM, "YES WE CAN," TO "THAT WILL DO.

    民主黨人已經從 "是的,我們可以 "變成了 "那就可以了"。

  • I'LL TAKE IT."

    我將採取它。"

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) "I'LL TAKE IT.

    (歡呼聲和掌聲) "我會採取它。

  • I'M FINE WITH THAT."

    我沒問題。"

  • >> Jon: YOU LIKE THAT.

    >> 喬恩。你喜歡這樣。

  • >> Stephen: I'M FINE WITH THAT.

    >> Stephen:我沒問題

  • BUT THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME, RIGHT?

    但還有很多時間,對吧?

  • THE ELECTION IS STILL 16 MONTHS AWAY.

    選舉還有16個月才開始

  • YOU GOTTA HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE AT FIRST, RIGHT?

    你首先要有很多人,對吧?

  • IT'S LIKE-- IT'S LIKE-- IT'S LIKE SEA TURTLES HATCHING ON A

    這就像... 這就像... 這就像海龜在孵化一樣。

  • BEACH, OKAY.

    沙灘,好的。

  • LOTS OF BIRDS CIRCLING OVERHEAD, BUT THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF THEM.

    很多鳥在空中盤旋,但有成千上萬的鳥。

  • ONE OF THEM HAS TO MAKE IT TO THE WATER.

    他們中必須有一個人到水裡去。

  • PLUS IT'S GOING TO BE SO FUN TO WATCH THOSE BIRDS DRAG OFF BILL

    另外,看那些鳥兒拖走比爾會很有趣的

  • DE BLASIO.

    DE BLASIO.

  • >> Jon: OH!

    >> 喬恩。哦!

  • OH!

    哦!

  • >> Stephen: CIRCLE OF LIFE.

    >> Stephen: CIRCLE OF LIFE.

  • SENATOR KAMALA HARRIS JUST ANNOUNCED SHE IS DROPPING OUT OF

    卡馬拉-哈里斯參議員剛剛宣佈,她將退出。

  • THE RACE.

    比賽:

  • RACE.

    種族:

  • ( EXPLOSION ) THERE SHE IS, OFF TO LOW ORBIT.

    她在那裡,離開低軌道。

  • WHEN IT COMES TO NOT BEING THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT, SHE WAS

    當談到不是第一任女總統時,她是:

  • THAT LITTLE GIRL.

    那個小女孩。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SENATOR...

    (笑)參議員... ...

  • >> Jon: OOOOH!

    >> 喬恩:OOOOH!

  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME.

    >> Stephen:歡迎您的到來。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HARRIS WASN'T ALONE IN LEAVING

    哈里斯並不是唯一一個離開的人

  • THE RACE.

    比賽:

  • ON MONDAY, MONTANA GOVERNOR STEVE BULLOCK ALSO DROPPED OUT.

    週一,蒙大拿州州長史蒂夫-布洛克也退出了。

  • UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO HIS LOW POLL NUMBERS, BULLOCK DID NOT

    不幸的是,由於他的民調數字較低,BULLOCK並沒有

  • QUALIFY TO BE IN THIS JOKE.

    有資格成為在這個笑話。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT'S HARD FOR ME NOT TO TAKE

    但我很難不接受。

  • THIS A LITTLE PERSONALLY BECAUSE YOU SEE BOTH HARRIS AND BULLOCK

    這有點個人化,因為你看到了哈里斯和布洛克。

  • HAD MEMORABLE APPEARANCE HERE'S ON "THE LATE SHOW"."

    在 "晚間秀 "上有過難忘的亮相。"

  • HARRIS WAS ON THE SHOW FOUR TIMES, INCLUDING JUST TWO WEEKS

    哈里斯上了四次節目,包括剛剛兩週的時間

  • AGO FOR HER LAST APPEARANCE ON LATE NIGHT AS A CANDIDATE.

    她最後一次以候選人的身份出現在深夜。

  • AND REMEMBER WHO ANNOUNCED THEY WERE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT ON MY

    還記得誰在我的網站上宣佈他們要競選總統嗎?

  • SHOW?

    SHOW?

  • KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND AND ERIC SWALWELL.

    KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND AND ERIC SWALWELL.

  • I AM OFFICIALLY THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY KISS OF DEATH.

    我是正式的民主黨首要的死亡之吻。

  • THIS ISN'T FOR SURE, BUT IT MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH

    這並不確定,但它可能有一定的關係。

  • MY GREEN WROOM I STORE MY LADDER, BROKEN MIRROR, AND BLACK

    我的綠色房間,我存放著我的梯子,破碎的鏡子,和黑色的。

  • CAT COLLECTION.

    貓的收藏。

  • IF I'M GOING TO BE A JINX, I MIGHT AS WELL USE IT TO HELP

    如果我要做一個小丑,我不如用它來幫助你。

  • AMERICA.

    美國:

  • JOHN DELANEY, COME ON THIS SHOW.

    約翰・德蘭伊,來這個節目。

  • IT'S TIME.

    它的時間。

  • THIS WEEK, MAYOR BLOOMBERG MET WITH VOTERS IN BURLINGTON,

    本週,市長布隆伯格在BURLINGTON與選民見面。

  • VERMONT, AND SHOOK A DOG'S FACE.

    佛蒙特,並搖了一隻狗的臉。

  • NO!

    不!

  • BAD BILLIONAIRE!

    壞的億萬富翁!

  • BAD!

    糟糕!

  • DOWN, MIKE!

    下來,邁克!

  • DOWN!

    下來!

  • THE DOG ACTUALLY SEEMED TO LIKE IT.

    狗似乎都喜歡它。

  • SO NOW BLOOMBERG DOES THE SAME THING WITH ALL THE BABIES HE

    所以現在布隆伯格對他的所有孩子都做了同樣的事情。

  • MEETS.

    會議:

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THERE IS-- THERE IS JUST SO MUCH

    (笑)有 - 有 - 有這麼多。

  • TO TALK ABOUT TONIGHT, JON.

    今晚要談的是,瓊。

  • WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE.

    我們以前談過這個問題。

  • >> Jon: YES, YES, YES.

    >> 喬恩。是的,是的,是的。

  • >> Stephen: WE'VE GOT THE SUPER BOWL.

    >> Stephen:我們已經得到了超級碗。

  • WE'VE GOT IMPEACHMENT.

    我們已經得到了豁免。