Are you crazy?

你瘋了嗎？

How can I be afraid of intimacy when the Internet calls me the Taylor Swift of YouTube?

網絡上稱我為YouTube上的泰勒-斯威夫特，我怎麼會害怕親密關係呢？

I'd like to be excluded from this thread Shut up.

我想被排除在這個話題之外 閉嘴。

But in working with the dating coach, I know, I know it sounds extra spots, but has been really helpful.

但在與約會教練的工作中，我知道，我知道這聽起來額外的斑點，但已經真的很有幫助。

So just to spend your judgment, I've found that most of her principles actually deal with the self.

所以只是花你的判斷，我發現她的大部分原則其實都是針對自我的。

So you'd think a dating coach is someone who would help you answer texts or work on your online dating profile?

所以，你會認為約會教練是一個人誰將幫助你回答文本或工作在您的在線約會個人資料？

She mostly focuses on all of your bullshit and emphasizes working on yourself to accept love from someone else.

她主要關注的是你所有的廢話，強調的是努力讓自己接受別人的愛。

Hey, you.

嘿，你。

You're great, right?

你很厲害吧？

Like you.

像你一樣

I love Yeah.

我喜歡耶。

Uh huh.

嗯哼。

I love you.

我愛你

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Bye.

掰掰

When the issue of intimacy initially came up, I almost left.

當初提出親密關係的問題時，我幾乎離開了。

It was like, Oh, no, intimacy is something I deeply grave trust.

它就像，哦，不，親密關係是我深深的信任。

May I have no commitment issues.

願我沒有承諾問題。

And then she was like, Oh, really?

然後她就說，哦，真的嗎？

Well, do any of these sound like you dismissing someone on the first date?

好吧，這些聽起來都像是你第一次約會就把人打發了嗎？

Because of no chemistry, sleeping with someone too soon, feeling bored when the other person does everything right being nitpicky about small things, feeling intensely about the other person right away and therefore projecting onto them and choosing unavailable men.

因為沒有化學反應，過早地與人上床，當對方做的一切都對的時候感覺到厭煩對小事挑剔，馬上對對方產生強烈的感覺，從而投射到對方身上，選擇了得不到的男人。

You know, maybe, maybe like one of those mhm and these specific symptoms of being afraid of intimacy usually stems from you guessed it.

你知道，也許，也許就像其中的一個姆姆... ...這些具體的症狀是害怕親密關係... ...通常源於你猜測。

Children.

兒童：

A lack of self worth.

缺乏自我價值。

When someone is treating us nicely and things are going well to the person with no self worth, it feels unfamiliar and strange.

當有人對我們很好，事情進展順利的時候，對於沒有自我價值的人來說，就會覺得陌生和奇怪。

Pain is what we know.

痛苦是我們所知道的。

Abandonment is what we know long and tension, anxiety.

放棄是我們長期以來所知道的，緊張、焦慮。

Those are all of our feelings associated with love, not things being easy flowing and joyful.

這些都是我們與愛情有關的感覺，而不是事情的簡單流動和快樂。

No, I'm not suffering.

不，我不痛苦。

I'm clearly not in love.

我顯然不是在戀愛。

Then, if you like me felt personally attacked by these six signs, know that love does not feel like we think it should, because our associations are wrong.

那麼，如果你和我一樣覺得被這六個星座人身攻擊，要知道，愛情並不是我們想象中的那樣，因為我們的聯想是錯誤的。

The beginning shouldn't be intense.

開頭不應該是激烈的。

That is a red flag that we're buying into our idea of a person and not who they actually are.

這是一個危險的信號，我們正在購買我們對一個人的想法，而不是他們的實際身份。

Chemistry can develop as you get to know them and dismissing them off the bat, disallows that it takes a while to get to know a person and those nitpicky things that annoy you now may be overshadowed by the amazing qualities the person has to offer and sleeping with.

化學反應可以隨著你對他們的瞭解而發展，一開始就否定他們，不允許需要一段時間來了解一個人，那些現在讓你討厭的瑣碎事情可能會被這個人的驚人品質所掩蓋，並與之睡覺。

Someone releases a chemical in women too emotionally, bond.

有人在女人身上釋放出一種化學物質，太情緒化了，債券。

So if you do that before you really know a person, you shouldn't be surprised when you wake up and discover you're in love with a narcissist.

所以，如果你在真正瞭解一個人之前就這樣做，當你醒來後發現自己愛上了一個自戀的人，你不應該感到驚訝。

Cannot the photo?

不能拍照嗎？

Honestly, I was really surprised that I have fearsome intimacy.

說實話，我真的很驚訝，我的親密度很可怕。

I mean, given my history of being like a serial monogamous, I would have guessed that my problems were probably from a lack of self worth, but surprised.

我的意思是，鑑於我的歷史就像一個連續的一夫一妻制，我會猜測我的問題可能是來自自我價值的缺乏，但驚訝。

I am afraid of intimacy.

我害怕親密關係。

And I have problems with self world, yes, Children.

而我的自我世界也有問題，是的，孩子。

Yes, I have the best of both worlds, baby.

是的，我有最好的兩個世界，寶貝。

But the good news is that once you're self aware, like most things, you can actively begin combating these fears.

但好消息是，一旦你有了自我意識，就像大多數事情一樣，你可以積極開始對抗這些恐懼。

If intimacy in a real relationship or what you really want, then you can start taking note of all of your actions and your patterns and ask yourself, Am I making these decisions because the other person genuinely isn't right for me?

如果在真正的關係中親密關係還是你真正想要的，那麼你可以開始注意你所有的行為和模式，並問自己，我做這些決定是因為對方真心不適合我嗎？

Or am I afraid of developing an authentic connection with this human being?

還是我害怕與這個人建立真實的聯繫？

So stop sabotaging your love life because as much as we think we don't deserve love way.

所以不要再破壞你的愛情生活了，因為儘管我們認為自己不值得擁有愛情的方式。

Dio keep working on it.

迪奧繼續努力吧

I'm in a Kana and I, uh I'm Anna Kana and Iowa.

我在一個卡納，我，呃，我是安娜卡納和愛荷華。

I will.

我會的

I love myself.

我愛我自己。

Thank you to square space for sponsoring today's video.

感謝廣場空間對今天視頻的贊助。

Squarespace has beautiful award winning templates and in all in one platform, so there's no need to install patches or upgrades ever.

Squarespace擁有精美的獲獎模板，並且在一個平臺上，所以永遠不需要安裝補丁或升級。

They have 24 hour customer service for all your technical and emotional support needs and a simple and unique domain set up experience with Squarespace, you can create any kind of website whether you're afraid of intimacy, afraid of abandonment or just afraid of the intricacies of a meaningful human relationship.

他們有24小時的客戶服務，可以滿足你所有的技術和情感支持需求，還有簡單而獨特的域名設置體驗，在Squarespace，你可以創建任何類型的網站，無論你是害怕親密關係，害怕被拋棄，還是隻是害怕有意義的人際關係的複雜性。