I need to know your story with Farrah.

Farrah and I have been friends since second grade.

Nothing's happened between us.

Stacey, you look so different.

You know I got my nose done.

It's cute as a little button. And so natural.

I forgot what your old one looked like.

-Farrah-- -Oh, right.

It had a little bump right here.

-Why do you hate Stacey Moorehead? -I have my reasons.

-[Will] Is that your dad? -[Farrah] Oh, my God.

My dad's making out with Stacey Moorehead's mom.

So our real water goes here on the left

and our loaded stuff on the right.

Would you like a flavored water?

I can have my volunteer here grab you one.

-Is that what I think it was? -Told you she wouldn't be easy.

What are you gonna do about it?

I guess give her a cut.

[Farrah] It's sad when you think about it,

but all these people actually believe

that these friendships are gonna last forever.

They won't. Some have a term limit

that expires when their friends go to college,

-but most of these friendships won't even last that long. -Hey.

Some fizzle out after a bunch of little cuts,

while others die from one big gash.

That's why betrayal hurts so much.

It can't come from an enemy. It can only come from a friend.

But despite all the drama, there's always that one friend

who will have your back no matter what.

You weren't waiting for me. Having a rough morning?

Try gross morning.

Pretty sure my parents had morning sex,

in the shower, before I used it.

-[laughter] -Where's Plain?

Doing all kinds of everything but.

[siren wails]

Oh, we got a 624 in progress, vehicular dry humping.

[imitates radio static] I'm gonna check this out

for a potential blue-ball situation.

You better not be lying to me.

Open the back there, please.

What's in the box?

Wait, what's happening?

You're under arrest.

-What's he taking? -Looks like Hook's laptop.

What?

Hey.

What did the cops take?

-Gummies. -Candy?

-Weed gummies. -How many did he have?

-Only like five or six. -That's still possession.

-What does that mean? -It means he's fu--

[feedback interrupting dialogue]

♪ In a manner of speaking ♪

♪ I don't think we'll be speaking at all ♪

An arrest for possession is huge.

What college is gonna take him now?

Did the cop give a reason as to why he came up

to the car in the first place?

What?

I mean, it just doesn't make any sense.

A cop comes up to a legally parked car

and decides he needs to look in the trunk?

Plain's boyfriend just got arrested.

Can you maybe cool it with the Olivia Pope imitation?

Sorry.

It's gonna be okay, Jane.

Why did the cop check the trunk?

I mean, he went there immediately.

He had to know something was back there already.

You think somebody narced on him?

Can you think of someone

with a good reason to take Hook down?

[marching band plays]

-Don't. -Farrah?

Shit.

What's up?

I just wanted to let you know that I had nothing

to do with what happened in the parking lot today.

I don't recall saying that you did.

I know, but I've been watching you,

and I know how you think.

Just because you're biting off my style

and chatting up the Janes doesn't mean

-you know how I think. -This isn't exactly your style.

It's a little derivative, don't you think?

Okay, aren't all styles a little derivative at this point?

-I'm sorry, why are you here? -Let's just go, Farrah.

I had nothing to gain from getting Hook arrested.

Oh, nothing? You already made a play

at his share of the snack bar business.

Seems like with him gone, you could have the whole till.

This isn't corporate America, Farrah.

It's high school.

This is a lot to handle before 8:00.

I'm gonna be late for homeroom.

[soft scoff]

Three...

two... one.

[Stacey] Are you sure this is my mom?

I mean, sh-- she's not really on the screen.

I saw a lot more than what's on the video.

Just turn it off.

So... what do we do?

I honestly have no clue.

Look, I have to tell my mom.

I think that you should tell your dad.

We can't be the ones to tell them.

I mean, it's one thing to get caught cheating by your spouse,

but it's so much worse if the shit storm

-is created by your own kids. -I know.

But I can't sleep in my house with my dad at night

knowing that he's doing your mom during the day.

[scoffs]

So...

where does that leave us?

It leaves me muting the audio

and sending it to my mom anonymously.

-Farrah-- -That way, I can stay innocent in all this.

But everything's gonna change.

Look, you can tell your dad any way you want.

Whatever makes it go down easier for you.

This is so screwed up.

Yeah, but at least we're in this together.

Okay, I'll tell him.

[cell phone chimes]

[sighs] What the hell, Cowher?

I swear, the FBI will be here tomorrow.

-No, the DEA. -Either way, I'm freaking out.

Hook supplied the kegs when my parents went to Europe.

I bought stuff from him a lot.

I know, I'm definitely in that laptop.

Man, I need Hook's gummies.

I can't even walk after football games.

Yeah, it's not like a doc is gonna give

a 16-year-old a weed script.

-Man. -This sucks!

With Hook gone and a narc around here,

the party at Ro' High is dead.

Since when do you shower after gym?

Since my parents sullied mine.

-It's a little over-the-top. -Mm, is it?

There's a metal bar in the bathroom that the shampoo

and stuff rest on, and now all I can picture

is my mom just gripping it tightly.

Hook's home.

They just kept him for a couple of hours,

and then they released him to his parents and their lawyer.

Was it possession or selling?

-Just possession, thank God. -That's great news.

Then it'll probably just be a fine.

Possession is still a huge deal.

Every background check, every employer,

every time he wants to rent an apartment.

It stays with him forever. He got arrested.

And expelled, which are two huge blemishes on the college app.

I love Hook, too, and I know he's not Narcos,

but he is kind of a drug dealer.

Yeah, which is why I can't go two steps without some jackass

asking me if their name is on his laptop.

I mean, can you blame them?

Anyone who bought anything from him

should've been shitting eggrolls.

Actually, they still should be.

They kept his laptop.

Why would they keep his laptop?

I don't know.

The schools freaking out that we have a narc,

so I made a list of all the new students in school

and other narcish suspects.

We can split it up and weed them out.

Weed, clever.

Seems like a plan.

Nice narc post.

Way to cause mass hysteria and now a witch hunt.

What is that smell?

-It's an everything bagel. -No, not that.

[sniffs] Oh, so cute.

A new scent to woo Hannah?

Is it store-bought or did you order it off

one of those porn pheromone ads?

Did you come here to bust my balls

or talk about the narc situation?

There is no narc situation,

at least not in a Jump Street,

Channing Tatum-pretending- to-be-a-teen kind of way.

-It's something else. -It's always something else.

Why would a narc go after a kid with a few gummies in his trunk?

What do you want me to do, post something shiny and diversionary

that will shift everyone's attention away from the narc?

No, it's too late. The perception's already out there.

You can't unring that bell.

First you tell me to post what I want,

and now you're pissed at me for doing it.

Fine, post some dumb shit about Sloan Davis's yoga pants.

It could help. And tone down that stench.

[thunder rumbling]

My dad wants to kill me.

Every friend I have is calling

just to find out if their name is on my laptop.

"Friend" in quotes..

Yeah. I'm done. With all of it.

Alcohol, everything. My life is totally fubar.

Your life is not totally fubar.

It's just... temporarily fubar.

We both know that's bullshit.

You brought me a sour apple Blow Pop

when Callie Jackman broke my arm in fourth grade.

You showed up at my house with salted malted caramel

when you found out my dad left.

I know the kind of person you are.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Just came to see Hook. Why?

Hey, babe.

No reason, it's just you didn't mention

that you were coming over here at lunch or anything.

I didn't know I was at the time.

How'd you do with your narc list?

I came up empty. You?

Same.

Well, you have company now.

Better company than me.

So, I'll let you two get to it.

Do you have any idea why the cops

might have kept your laptop?

Don't know.

They're not gonna find anything on it anyway.

You think I'd be stupid enough to put anything important

on a school-issued laptop?

Hmm.

Okay. I'm really going now.

Bye, guys.

I've seen that look in her eyes.

She's definitely on to something.

Why did the cops keep Hook's laptop?

-And who told them about it? -What, no masturbation joke?

Even your own dick would be turned off

by that much body spray.

Okay, what-- what about Hook's laptop?

-It was school-issued. -So what?

So there's no way a cop pulls into a campus lot,

approaches a random student's car,

and asks to look inside the trunk

without someone at the school knowing about it.

Someone? You mean my mom. You're here to manipulate me.

I want to break into her e-mail.

First of all, no.

Because you can't or because you won't?

Because I can't and I won't. This is insane.

You don't even have to be here.

I mean, you're on the way to the soccer game

to watch your honey play, right?

You have shoes on.

You never wear shoes in your self-love den.