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  • -Thank you very much for watching "The Tonight Show."

    -謝謝你收看 "今夜秀"。

  • I appreciate it, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

    我很感激,大家。歡迎,歡迎,歡迎。

  • Let's get to the news and jokes.

    讓我們來看看新聞和笑話。

  • Well, guys, the big news today is that President Trump

    好了,夥計們,今天的重大新聞是,特朗普總統

  • has been released from Walter Reed hospital.

    已從沃爾特里德醫院出院。

  • Here's a message from his doctor earlier today.

    這是他的醫生今天早些時候發來的消息。

  • -He's met or exceeded all standard

    -他達到或超過了所有的標準。

  • hospital discharge criteria.

    出院標準;

  • He'll receive another dose of Remdesivir here today,

    他今天會在這裡接受另一劑雷德西韋的治療。

  • and then we plan to get him home.

    然後我們計劃讓他回家。

  • Though he may not entirely be out of the woods yet,

    雖然他可能還沒有完全走出困境。

  • the team and I agree that all our evaluations,

    我和團隊一致認為,我們所有的評價。

  • and, most importantly, his clinical status

    而且,最重要的是,他的臨床狀態

  • support the president's safe return home.

    支持總統安全回國。

  • -Yep. Good news?

    -是的是的 - 好消息?

  • It's safe for the president to return home,

    總統可以安全回家了。

  • mostly because everyone at The White House

    主要是因為白宮的每個人

  • already has the virus.

    已經有了病毒。

  • When she heard he was coming home,

    當她聽說他要回家的時候。

  • Melania immediately checked herself into Walter Reed.

    梅拉尼婭立即把自己送進了沃爾特-裡德醫院。

  • But this was nice.

    但這很好。

  • The staff went all out to welcome Trump home.

    工作人員全力以赴歡迎特朗普回家。

  • They even hung a bunch of balloons

    他們還掛了一堆氣球

  • that looked exactly like the coronavirus.

    這看起來完全像冠狀病毒。

  • Yep, Trump left the hospital for two reasons.

    沒錯,特朗普離開醫院有兩個原因。

  • One, he was feeling better.

    一、他感覺好了。

  • Two, he didn't want to get billed for another night.

    二是他不想再被計費一晚。

  • [ As Trump ] I know how these things work.

    我知道這些東西是怎麼運作的。

  • [ Normal voice ] A reporter then asked about

    [正常聲音]有記者接著問

  • Trump's mental status, like if he has any neurological symptoms

    特朗普的精神狀況,比如說他是否有神經系統的症狀

  • or fogginess as a result of having the virus,

    或因感染病毒而產生的霧氣。

  • and here is what the doctor had to say.

    而這裡是醫生不得不說的。

  • -I think you have seen the videos and now the tweets,

    -我想你已經看到了視頻和現在的微博。

  • and you'll see him shortly.

    你很快就會見到他

  • You know, he's back, yeah.

    你知道,他回來了,是的。

  • -The reporter was like, "Yeah, we did.

    -記者說:"是的,我們做到了。

  • That's why we're asking you."

    所以我們才會問你。"

  • Some crazy times when you can judge the president's health

    一些瘋狂的時候,你可以判斷總統的健康狀況。

  • from his videos and tweets.

    從他的視頻和微博。

  • This afternoon, Trump broke the news on Twitter,

    今天下午,特朗普在Twitter上透露了這一消息。

  • saying, "I'll be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center

    說,"我將離開偉大的沃爾特-裡德醫療中心,"。

  • today at 6:30.

    今天6: 30

  • Feeling really good. Don't be afraid of COVID.

    感覺真的很好。不要害怕COVID。

  • Don't let it dominate your life.

    不要讓它主宰你的生活。

  • I feel better than I did 20 years ago."

    我感覺比20年前好多了。"

  • I'm not surprised Trump feels better than he did 20 years ago.

    我並不奇怪特朗普的感覺比20年前好。

  • Back then, he was $800 million in debt.

    當年,他負債8億。

  • Trump left Walter Reed today, but he actually left

    特朗普今天離開了沃爾特-裡德,但他實際上已經離開了。

  • the hospital for a little while over the weekend. Watch.

    週末在醫院待了一會兒。看著吧

  • -The president got in his S.U.V. and went out

    -總統坐上他的S. U. V. ,然後出去了

  • to wave to supporters gathered outside.

    以向聚集在外面的支持者揮手。

  • -He's there in the back seat, wearing a mask and waving.

    -他在後座上,戴著面具揮手。

  • Others in the S.U.V. with him exposed.

    其他在S.U.V.與他暴露。

  • Health experts say the president likely still contagious.

    健康專家說,總統很可能還具有傳染性。

  • -Yeah, according to "The New York Times,"

    -是的,根據 "紐約時報",

  • Trump wanted to leave the hospital,

    特朗普想離開醫院。

  • and doctors wanted him to stay inside,

    醫生希望他留在屋裡。

  • so they compromised, and Trump left the hospital.

    所以他們妥協了,特朗普離開了醫院。

  • Yeah, the Secret Service had to take Trump around

    是啊,特勤局不得不帶著特朗普四處遊玩。

  • after 50 Uber XL drivers were like, "Hell no."

    在50個Uber XL司機都說 "見鬼去吧 "之後。

  • What is happening?

    發生什麼事了?

  • Trump even turned a hospital stay into chaos.

    特朗普甚至把一次住院變成了混亂。

  • The Joker caused less trouble when he visited Gotham General.

    小丑去拜訪哥譚將軍的時候,引起的麻煩比較少。

  • You could tell the Secret Service

    你可以告訴特勤局

  • thought the joyride was a bad idea.

    認為joyride是一個壞主意。

  • Right after, they went on eBay looking for a used Popemobile.

    緊接著,他們就在eBay上尋找二手Popemobile。

  • Well, it turns out Trump's joyride

    好吧,原來特朗普的兜風之旅

  • may have even his own family thinking

    可能連自己的家人都認為

  • he is acting irrationally.

    他的行為是不理智的。

  • According to sources, Don Jr. is deeply upset

    據消息人士透露,小唐深感不安

  • by his father's decision to drive around

    被他父親決定開車到處跑

  • and thinks Trump is acting crazy.

    並認為特朗普表現得很瘋狂。

  • You know things have gone off the rails when Don Jr.

    你知道事情已經出軌了,當小唐。

  • becomes the voice of reason.

    成為理性的聲音。

  • In response, President Trump was like,

    對此,特朗普總統就像。

  • "I'm not acting crazy,

    "我沒有裝瘋賣傻。

  • and here's 15 all-caps tweets to prove it."

    而這裡有15條全大寫的微博來證明這一點。"

  • Meanwhile, on Saturday night, The White House

    同時,在週六晚上,白宮

  • released some photos to show that Trump was busy working

    發佈了一些照片,顯示特朗普正忙於工作。

  • while he was at Walter Reed.

    他在沃爾特-裡德的時候

  • Here is one of Trump signing a document.

    這是特朗普簽署文件的一張。

  • Could we zoom in on that?

    我們能不能把它放大?

  • People are saying that he's just writing his name

    大家都說他只是在寫自己的名字而已。

  • on a blank piece of paper, but that's not true.

    在一張空白的紙上,但這是不正確的。

  • That's not true.

    這不是真的。

  • That's not a blank piece of paper.

    這不是一張白紙。

  • That's just his entire plan to stop COVID.

    這只是他阻止COVID的全部計劃。

  • It seems like a photo op, but they've really just been

    看起來像是在拍照,但他們其實只是在

  • handing Trump blank pages to sign for the past four years.

    遞給特朗普空白頁簽署過去四年。

  • "This is urgent, Mr. President."

    "這很緊急,總統先生。"

  • [ As Trump ] Oh, well, then I have to sign it.

    哦,那我得籤個字了

  • [ Normal voice ] Well, some people online are calling

    [正常的聲音] 好吧,有些人在網上呼籲

  • the announcement ceremony for Amy Coney Barrett

    艾米-科尼-巴雷特的宣佈儀式

  • "The Rose Garden Massacre" after it's been identified as

    "玫瑰園大屠殺 "後,它被確認為。

  • the super-spreader event.

    超級播種機事件。

  • Take a look.

    看看吧

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • By the way, could those seats be packed together any tighter?

    對了,這些座位還能再擠緊一點嗎?

  • Even the C.E.O. of Southwest was like,

    連西南的C.E.O.都喜歡。

  • "Come on, give him a little room."

    "來吧,給他一點空間。"

  • Right after that photo, Trump was like,

    就在那張照片之後,特朗普就像。

  • "Okay, now let's all get in a big pile."

    "好了,現在讓我們都堆成一大堆吧。"

  • Let's change gears.

    我們換個等級吧。

  • I saw that Coca-Cola announced that they are discontinuing

    我看到可口可樂公司宣佈,他們將停產。

  • their coconut-water brand Zico.

    其椰子水品牌Zico。

  • It's a big blow for all of those people who love pretending

    這對那些愛裝逼的人來說,是個很大的打擊。

  • that they like the taste of coconut water.

    他們喜歡椰子水的味道。

  • -Hey! Hey!

    -Hey! Hey!

  • -Coca-Cola knew it was time to discontinue Zico

    -可口可樂公司知道是時候停止使用Zico了。

  • because they actually did it a year ago, and no one noticed.

    因為他們其實一年前就這麼做了,而且沒有人注意到。

  • And, finally, this is exciting.

    最後,這是令人興奮的。

  • A pretty famous house just got put on the market.

    一棟漂亮的名宅剛剛被推向市場。

  • Watch this.

    看這個。

  • -The house that played a central role in the 1991 thriller

    -在1991年的驚悚片中扮演核心角色的房子。

  • "Silence of the Lambs" is for sale

    "沉默的羔羊 "正在出售

  • for the price of just under $300,000.

    以不到30萬美元的價格。

  • Fans of the movie can buy the on-screen Pennsylvania home

    影迷可購買銀幕上的賓夕法尼亞家園

  • of the fictional serial killer Buffalo Bill.

    虛構的連環殺手水牛比爾的。

  • -Man, I know people are buying a lot of houses right now,

    -夥計,我知道人們現在買了很多房子。

  • but you've got to draw the line somewhere, right?

    但你必須在某處劃定界限,對嗎?

  • Yeah, Realtors say they'll be happy to give you

    是啊,房地產商說他們會很樂意給你的

  • a tour of the front porch and nothing else.

    參觀一下前廊,別無他物。

-Thank you very much for watching "The Tonight Show."

-謝謝你收看 "今夜秀"。

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