Welcome to the show.

歡迎來到展會。

Thank you so much for doing this.

非常感謝你做的這些。

I appreciate this. I like the little Halloween back there.

我很欣賞這個。我喜歡後面的小萬聖節。

This is very --

這是非常 --

See? Come on. You're a good man.

看到了嗎？來吧，你是個好人。你是個好人

I want to get into so many things.

我想進入這麼多東西。

But first, the final presidential debate was tonight.

但首先，今晚是最後一場總統辯論。

And we shot this interview earlier today before the debate.

而我們今天早些時候在辯論前拍攝了這個採訪。

But you've been live-tweeting every debate so far.

但到目前為止，你一直在推特上直播每一場辯論。

It is fantastic.

這是夢幻般的。

Is it therapeutic for you in a way?

這對你來說是某種程度上的治療嗎？

-It's weird, yes.

-很奇怪，是的

It's very therapeutic in that I tweet stuff out about

這是很有療效的，我在推特上發了一些關於... ...

what I'm seeing to make a "joke" about it,

我所看到的來開 "玩笑"。

but then I'm realizing and if you watch as the night goes on,

但後來我意識到，如果你看著夜幕降臨。

my tweets turn into, "Did he just s--

我的微博變成了 "他是不是... ...

like, that's insane what he just said."

像，這是瘋狂的，他只是說。"

And then I'm looking at the replies,

然後我在看回復。

and everyone on Twitter is going,

而微博上的所有人都在去。

"Yeah, that was -- it's not you. You're not hallucinating.

"是啊，那是--不是你。你沒有產生幻覺。

He said that. It's okay."

他說的。沒事的。"

Like, we now need Twitter

就像，我們現在需要Twitter

for reassurance as to what reality is.

為了保證現實是什麼。

-In this debate tonight, they are introducing muted mikes,

-在今晚的辯論中，他們引入了靜音麥克風。

the mute button.

靜音按鈕。

-I mean, there's a mute button at a debate!

-我是說，辯論會上有個靜音鍵！

That's where we are!

這就是我們的位置！

-What is going on?

-發生了什麼事？

What would you do if -- What measures would you put in place

如果 -- -- 你將採取什麼措施？

to make sure the American people

以確保美國人民

got the debate that they deserve?

得到了他們應得的辯論？

-I would have little flamethrowers

-我有一些小噴火器。

facing up from the podium that they could see.

面臨著他們能看到的講臺。

There's no surprise here.

這裡沒有什麼好奇怪的。

And first infraction, we just light the pilot light.

而第一次違規，我們只是點亮了指示燈。

You see the little pilot light come on.

你看那小試燈亮了。

Second one, quick little burst.

第二個，快速小爆發。

And then third one,

然後第三個。

we just go full Sigourney Weaver in "Alien."

我們只是去完全西格妮・韋弗 在 "異形"。

-[ Laughs ] -Just blast everything.

-把所有的東西都炸掉。

-Little burst. -Yeah.

-一點點爆發-是的

-One of the things we always end up talking about

-我們總是在談論的事情之一。

is music on our show.

是我們節目中的音樂。

But you said that you are impressed with

但你說過你的印象是

Biden's music choices when compared to Trump's.

拜登的音樂選擇與特朗普相比。

-I mean, not just Biden's music choices

-我的意思是，不只是拜登的音樂選擇

but Biden's music access.

但拜登的音樂訪問。

Did you see the ad for the Blind Pig

你看到豬瞎子的廣告了嗎？

where in the same ad -- -Yes.

在同一廣告中 -- -- 是的。

-Iggy Pop, The Breeders, the Pixies, and the Beastie Boys!

-Iggy Pop, The Breeders, the Pixies, and the Beastie Boys!

-Beastie Boys! -In the same ad.

-野獸男孩！-在同一個廣告裡

Now, Trump at best has Lee Greenwood, maybe Kid Rock

現在，特朗普最多隻有李-格林伍德，也許還有基德-洛克。

and then that free music

然後是免費音樂

that you hear podcasts use all the time.

你聽到播客一直在使用的。

Like, the standard rock thing.

就像，標準的搖滾樂。

Whatever it is you don't have to pay for.

不管是什麼，你都不必為之付出。

And then whenever he uses any good song,

然後只要他用任何一首好歌。

the artist immediately puts -- "I am not --

藝術家立即把 -- "我不是 -- "。

I don't want my stuff there. I don't want to be associated."

我不想讓我的東西在那裡。我不想被關聯。"

So when you watch the Blind Pig ad, A, for you and me,

所以，當你看了盲豬的廣告，A，為你我。

for Gen X, that was a bunker buster,

對於X代來說，那是一個碉堡的破壞者。

having all those bands in the same ad.

有所有這些樂隊在同一個廣告。

We're like, "Well, you own Gen X now. You have us."

我們就像，"好吧，你現在擁有X一代，你有我們。你有我們。"

-I couldn't believe that. -But also you've got to know

-我簡直不敢相信.-但你也必須知道，你必須知道

that if someone our age who is a Trump supporter

如果我們這個年紀的人是特朗普的支持者

is watching that ad, they're like,

是看那個廣告，他們就像，

"Everyone that I ever loved through the '80s and '90s

"我愛過的每一個人，通過80年代和90年代。

thinks I'm an idiot right now."

認為我現在是個白痴。"

-Yeah, like, Neil Young is like, "Stop, just don't even try."

-是啊，就像，尼爾・楊是這樣，"停止，只是不嘗試。"

-No. Exactly.

-不，沒錯

-I want to talk to you about

-我想和你談談

what you're doing for your new special.

你在做什麼 你的新的特殊。

First of all, congrats.

首先，恭喜你。

Your Netflix special "I Love Everything"

你的Netflix特別節目 "我愛一切"

was nominated for an Emmy. Congrats on that.

被提名為艾美獎。恭喜你

I haven't had a chance to congratulate you

我還沒來得及恭喜你呢。

and say that was awesome.

並說這是真棒。

But you were in great company.

但你是在偉大的公司。

Mulaney, Hannah Gadsby, Seth.

Mulaney, Hannah Gadsby, Seth.

-Seth Meyers and Dave Chappelle.

塞斯-梅耶斯和戴夫-查佩爾。

-Oh, Chappelle. Yeah, of course.

-哦，查普爾哦，查普爾 - 是的，當然

-Who I happily lost to.

-我很高興地輸給了他

-You and Chappelle though -- Is this story --

-你和查普爾，雖然 - 這是故事 -

I heard this is true.

我聽說這是真的。

Did you and Dave Chappelle start on the exact same night?

你和Dave Chappelle是在同一個晚上開始的嗎?

-I remember it as the exact same night.

-我記得那是同一個晚上

He said it was the same week.

他說是同一個星期。

We both came out of Washington, D.C.

我們都是從華盛頓特區來的

It was July 18, 1988, Garvin's Comedy Club, Tuesday night.

那是1988年7月18日，加文喜劇俱樂部，星期二晚上。

He was 14 years old. I was 19.

他當時14歲我19歲

He went up. -14.

他上去了-14.

-He took the stage like he had been doing it for 30 years.

-他在舞臺上就像他已經做了30年一樣。

It just -- it was the most natural -- you just --

這只是 - 這是最自然的 - 你只是 -

"Oh, this person is going to be a gigantic star."

"哦，這個人要成為巨星了。"

He absolutely killed.

他絕對殺了。

And then he told me later on, because I said I was hanging out

然後他後來告訴我，因為我說我在外面閒逛

with him recently at all places, at Eddie Murphy's house.

最近和他一起去了艾迪-墨菲的家。

We were hanging out, and it was the weirdest --

我們在一起玩，這是最奇怪的... ...

That's a whole other story. -I can't wait, yeah.

那是另一個故事-我等不及了，是的

Save that one. -We were talking about that.

省省吧-我們正在討論這個問題

He goes, "Yeah, but what you forget is,

他說："是啊，但你忘了的是。

I had that great first night.

我有那個偉大的初夜。

And then I couldn't get a laugh for like a year later,"

然後我不能得到像一年後的笑聲，"。

which really -- which has happened to a lot of comedians.

這真的 - 這已經發生在很多喜劇演員。

David Cross and Brian Regan both talk about how the first time

大衛-克羅斯和布萊恩-雷根都談到了第一次如何

they went on stage, they annihilated

他們上臺後，他們消滅了。

and then they could not figure out how to make that

然後他們就想不出如何讓這個

happen again for like a year, and that really messes with you.

再次發生像一年， 這真的搞砸了你。

-It really does. You're like, "What did I do?"

-確實如此你會想，"我做了什麼？"

What was the secret of that night?

那晚的祕密是什麼？

Was I just in a better mood?"

我只是心情比較好嗎？"

That's so interesting. -Yeah, but luckily,

那太有趣了-是的，但很幸運

on my first night, I didn't have the disadvantages

頭天晚上，我就沒有缺點了

that Dave Chappelle had.

戴夫-查佩爾曾。

I completely ate it.

我完全吃了它。

Had nowhere to go but up.

無處可去，只能往上走。

-[ Laughs ] You set the bar low.

-你把標準定得很低。

-Yeah, not only did I eat it, I had that thing --

-是的，我不僅吃了它，我還有那個東西 --

I'm sure you've had this happen too --

我相信你也有過這樣的經歷 --

where the one "laugh" I got was from another comedian.

在那裡，我得到的一個 "笑 "是來自另一個喜劇演員。

But he gave me that kind of polite, like,

但他給我的那種禮貌，喜歡。

"Ah, I see how you were trying to get --

"啊，我明白你是怎麼想得到------。

I appreciate that you were trying to get to a joke.

我很感激你想開個玩笑。

You didn't get to a joke, but I will acknowledge the effort."

你沒能開到玩笑，但我會承認你的努力。"

You've heard that before, haven't you?

你以前聽過這句話，不是嗎？

-Oh, it's my favorite. The left side of the room at The Improv.

-哦，這是我最喜歡的。在即興表演的左邊房間裡.

That's where all the comics would be, and if you do a thing,

那就是所有的漫畫都會在那裡，如果你做一件事。

you would hear somebody go like, "Ah."

你會聽到有人去喜歡，"啊。"

-[ Laughs ]

-[笑]

Ugh! That's the whole, like -- -That's exactly right.

啊！ 這就是整個，就像...這是整個，就像 - 這是完全正確的。

-"I acknowledge your effort, but you failed."

-"我承認你的努力，但你失敗了。"

-But you're doing actually a live virtual special tomorrow.

-但你明天要做一個虛擬的直播特別節目。

-I'm going to be doing an actual sitting down --

-我將做一個真正的坐下 -

I tried to work out a way to, like, walk around with a mike.

我試著想出一個辦法，比如，拿著麥克風走來走去。

But I haven't worked -- This is going to be me

但我還沒有工作... 這將是我。

sitting and talking intimately. -Yep.

坐下來親密地交談。-是的

-And I was very nervous about doing this

-我對做這個很緊張

because I'm just addicted to I go on a stage.

因為我只是沉迷於我上臺。

But I've been starting to watch online shows.

但我已經開始看在線節目了。

I watched Brian Posehn's special.

我看了Brian Posehn的特別節目。

I watched Maria Bamford's special.

我看了Maria Bamford的特別節目。

And there's a regular show called Keep Your Distance...

還有一個固定的節目叫 "保持距離"... ...

-Oh, really? -...that does an online show.

-哦，真的嗎？真的嗎？ -... ...那是一個在線節目。

And they're really, really good.

而且他們真的，真的很不錯。

And also Mike Birbiglia has been working out ways.

而且邁克-伯比格利亞也一直在想辦法。

-I've seen some of Birbiglia's things, yeah.

-我看過一些Birbiglia的作品，是的。

-You know this. Comedy always mutates and changes its form.

-你知道的喜劇總是在變異和改變它的形式。

And right now this is how it has to be.

而現在只能這樣了。

And I really love doing comedy, so I don't want to not do it.

而且我真的很喜歡做喜劇，所以我不想不做。

So you're going to get to tune in and see the terror of me

所以，你會得到調整，看到我的恐怖。

trying to do this in a way I've never done it before,

試圖以一種我從未做過的方式來做這件事。

which I hope that in itself will be entertaining.

我希望這本身就是一種娛樂。

-It's going to be great. I cannot wait to watch on Friday.

-這將是偉大的。我等不及要在星期五看了

Patton Oswalt, everybody.

帕頓-奧斯華特，各位。

His new special, "Patton Oswalt: Arm's Length,"

他的新特別節目 "巴頓-奧斯華特：臂力"。

is streaming live tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m.

正在明晚9點直播。

at onlocationlive.com.

在onlocationlive.com。

Thank you so much for being here, buddy,

非常感謝你能來這裡，夥計。

and best to the fam.

和最好的家庭。