Welcome to "The Tonight Show."

歡迎來到 "今夜秀"。

Guys, it is a big night for NBC.

夥計們，今晚對NBC來說是個大日子。

It is the start of BTS Week

現在是BTS周的開始

here on "The Tonight Show"! [ Cheers and applause ]

這裡的 "今夜秀"！[歡呼聲和掌聲]

We have something special for you BTS fans

我們有特別的東西給你們BTS的粉絲

in a couple minutes.

幾分鐘後

Also, a huge night for hockey --

還有，一個冰球的重要夜晚 --

if you just watched Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs,

如果你剛剛看了斯坦利杯季後賽的第六場比賽。

that means you're either drunk and happy

醉生夢死

or drunk and very angry. [ Laughter ]

或喝醉了，非常生氣。[笑聲]

I actually watched the game through my plastic face shield,

其實我是通過我的塑膠面罩看的比賽。

so I feel like I was really there.

所以我覺得我真的在那裡。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, tonight, we got to see white guys

是啊，今晚，我們得到了看到白色的傢伙

brutally attack each other for two hours,

殘忍地互相攻擊了兩個小時。

so it was a pretty good preview of tomorrow night's debate.

所以這是一個相當不錯的預演 明晚的辯論。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Let's get to some politics.

讓我們來談談政治。

Well, guys, last night, "The New York Times"

嗯，夥計們，昨晚，"紐約時報"

published a bombshell report

發佈了一份爆炸性的報告

about President Trump's personal finances.

關於特朗普總統的個人財務狀況。

Yep, somehow "The Times" got their hands

是的，不知何故 "時報 "得到了他們的手。

on Trump's long-hidden tax records,

關於特朗普長期隱藏的稅務記錄。

and what they found was not good.

而他們發現的情況並不樂觀。

Listen to this. -The "New York Times" reports

聽聽這個-"紐約時報 "報道

it's obtained two decades' worth

二十年如一日

of President Trump's tax returns.

的特朗普總統的納稅申報。

-"The Times" reports that the President paid no income taxes

-"泰晤士報 "報道說，總統沒有繳納所得稅。

in 10 of the last 15 years.

在過去15年中，有10年。

-That's right -- Trump has not paid income taxes

-沒錯，特朗普沒有繳納所得稅。

in 10 of the last 15 years, although, honestly,

在過去的15年中，有10年，雖然說實話，。

wouldn't it have been more shocking

豈不更令人震驚

if Trump had paid taxes in those years?

如果特朗普在那幾年交過稅？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, when the news broke, Trump was furious.

是啊，消息傳出後，特朗普很生氣。

He was like, "Why did I pay taxes for those five years?"

他說："我為什麼要交那五年的稅？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Seriously, when it comes to avoiding taxes,

說真的，在避稅的時候。

Trump knows every loophole.

特朗普知道每一個漏洞。

For instance, on next year's taxes,

比如說，在明年的稅收上。

he plans on claiming his coronavirus response

他計劃聲稱他的冠狀病毒反應

as a total loss.

作為全部損失。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Applause ] What?

[掌聲] 什麼？

Thank you. It's a clapper.

謝謝你，這是一個拍子。這是一個拍子。

It's a clapper. Some laughs, some claps.

這是一個拍子。有人笑，有人拍手。

Well, someone close to Trump must have provided the records.

一定是特朗普身邊的人提供的記錄。

When asked who might have a grudge against him,

當被問及誰可能與他有仇時。

Trump was like, "Other than 65 tell-all book authors,

特朗普當時就說："除了65個告訴書作者之外。

no one comes to mind." [ Laughter ]

沒有人想到。"[笑聲]

So Trump didn't pay any income taxes for 10 out of 15 years.

所以特朗普15年中有10年沒有繳納任何所得稅。

Big deal.

大事。

I'm sure when Trump did pay something, it was a lot.

我相信當特朗普確實付出了一些東西，那是很多的。

-In 2016, the year Trump won the White House,

-在2016年，也就是特朗普贏得白宮的那一年。

he paid just $750 in income tax.

他只交了750元的所得稅。

-$750!

-$750!

I don't know what he should have paid,

我不知道他該付多少錢。

but it is definitely more than an Xbox and a half.

但它絕對超過了Xbox半。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

$750?! That's great.

$750?!那太好了

In today's money, Trump basically paid the equivalent

以今天的錢計算，特朗普基本上支付了相當於。

of a 1993 Toyota Tercel.

一輛1993年豐田Tercel的。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Even people who use the free version of TurboTax

即使是使用免費版TurboTax的人，也會有這樣的問題。

are like, "That can't be right."

是這樣的，"這不可能是正確的。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

The report also found that, on top of not paying taxes,

報告還發現，除了不交稅。

Trump wrote off a bunch of expenses

特朗普註銷了一堆費用

that seemed kind of suspicious.

這似乎有點可疑。

-The paper also accuses

-該文件還指責

the President and his companies

總統及其公司

of claiming questionable deductions

申請有問題的扣除

on some of those businesses.

對其中一些企業。

More than $109,000 for linens and silverware

床單和銀器超過109 000美元。

and nearly $200,000 for landscaping.

以及近20萬元的園林綠化費用。

He also wrote off more than $70,000 in haircuts

他還註銷了7萬多元的理髮費。

when he was on "The Apprentice."

當他在 "學徒"。

-The crazy part isn't that he spent $70,000 on his hair --

-瘋狂的部分不是因為他花了7萬美元在他的頭髮上 --

it's that, clearly, $70,000 wasn't enough.

這就是，很明顯，7萬塊錢是不夠的。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

Should have went with $150,000.

應該用15萬。

Landscaping.

景觀設計。

The most damaging part of the report also shows

報告中最具破壞性的部分還顯示了

that Trump might not be

特朗普可能不是

the billionaire expert businessman he claims to be.

他自稱是億萬富翁專家商人。

-"The Times" says documents show the President

-"泰晤士報 "稱，文件顯示總統。

reported more than $47 million in losses in 2018 alone,

僅在2018年就報告了超過4700萬美元的損失。

and he faces a personal debt totaling $421 million,

而他面臨的個人債務總額為4.21億元。

money that could come due while he is in office

歲幣

if he's elected to a second term.

如果他當選連任。

-Wow. This news comes as a huge shock.

-哇。這個消息讓人大吃一驚。

I mean, all this time, I thought

我是說，一直以來，我都以為

the guy who lost money running a casino

賭徒

was a financial wiz.

是一個金融奇才。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yep, Trump's got to pay back $421 million.

是的，特朗普要還4.21億美元。

In response, college kids with student loans are like,

對此，有助學貸款的大學生就像。

"Holy crap! I'm richer than the president!"

"我的天啊!我比總統還有錢！"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Basically, this is who Trump says he is,

基本上，這就是特朗普所說的人。

and this is who he really is.

這就是他的真實身份。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I guess that, when you owe that kind of money,

我想，當你欠了那麼多錢。

you start doing desperate things.

你開始做絕望的事情。

Look at what I saw today on Zillow.

看看我今天在Zillow上看到的。

He's selling the White House.

他在賣白宮。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I'll check it out at an open house.

我會在開放日去看看的。

I'm not sure if I'm going to buy it.

我不知道會不會買。

Since 2000, Trump's reported over $300 million in losses

自2000年以來，特朗普的報告損失超過3億美元

just from his golf courses.

只是從他的高爾夫球場。

Would have been a better investment

本來是一個更好的投資

if Trump opened up a RadioShack

如果特朗普開了一家RadioShack

inside a Blockbuster inside a Sears.

在Blockbuster裡面，在Sears裡面。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

It wasn't all bad news for Trump this weekend.

這個週末對特朗普來說也不全是壞消息。

On Saturday, he officially named his nominee

上週六，他正式提名了他的候選人。

to replace the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

接替已故大法官露絲-巴德-金斯伯格的職位。

on the Supreme Court.

在最高法院。

-It is my honor to nominate

-我很榮幸地提名

one of our nation's most brilliant and gifted legal minds

我國最優秀的法律人才之一。

to the Supreme Court.

最高法院。

She is a woman of unparalleled achievement,

她是一個有著無與倫比成就的女人。

towering intellect, sterling credentials,

高智商，高資歷。

and unyielding loyalty to the Constitution,

和對憲法的不屈不撓的忠誠。

Judge Amy Coney Barrett.

Amy Coney Barrett法官

-Whew! Good Lord, that took forever.

-哇！天啊，花了好長時間

By the time Trump was done with the introduction,

等到特朗普介紹完。

he had to fill three more Supreme Court seats.

他必須再填補三個最高法院的席位。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Seriously, the only thing Trump will drag out longer

說真的，特朗普唯一會拖得比較久的是

are the results of the election.

是選舉的結果。

Of course, the presidential election is heating up,

當然，總統大選正在升溫。

and the first debate is tomorrow night.

而第一場辯論是明天晚上。

It'll be a little different than debates we've seen in the past.

這將是一個有點不同的辯論，我們在過去看到的。

Watch this.

看這個。

-Joe Biden and President Trump

喬-拜登和特朗普總統

are preparing to face off for the first time.

正準備首次對決。

Now, this debate will be very different from debates past

現在，這場辯論將與過去的辯論有很大的不同。

due to the coronavirus pandemic.

由於冠狀病毒大流行。

Biden and Trump will not shake hands,

拜登和特朗普不會握手。

there will be a much smaller audience,

會有更少的觀眾。

and everyone on hand will be tested for COVID-19.

而現場的每個人都將接受COVID-19的測試。

-Yep. The debate is almost here right now.

-是的是的 - 辯論會馬上就要開始了

Biden plans on throwing Trump off

拜登計劃將特朗普甩開

by walking out in a hat that says "I.R.S."

戴著寫著 "I.R.S. "的帽子走出來。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Because of COVID, the candidates

由於COVID，候選人

won't start the night while shaking hands --

不會在握手時開始晚上 --

well, partly because of COVID,

好吧，部分是因為COVID。

but mostly 'cause Trump just doesn't know how to shake hands.

但主要是因為特朗普不知道如何握手。

♪♪

♪♪

-Yeah, I know. Yeah.

-是的，我知道是的，我知道。

♪♪

♪♪

-[ Chuckles ] How you doing there?

-你在那裡做得怎麼樣？

Yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, boy.

是啊，是啊。 哦，哦，孩子。哦，哦，男孩。

[ Laughter ] That's...

[笑] 這是... ...

Oh, boy...

哦，孩子...

That's right -- the candidates won't start the evening

沒錯 候選人不會在晚上開始演講

by shaking hands.

通過握手。

Instead, it'll be like a wedding dance floor,

反而會像婚禮舞池一樣。

where Biden casts a line at Trump and then reels him in.

在那裡，拜登向特朗普拋出了一條線，然後把他捲了進去。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

With the debate happening tomorrow night,

隨著明晚辯論的進行。

both Trump and Biden have been busy

兩位大佬都在忙

preparing what they're going to say.

準備他們要說的話。

And we actually managed to get our hands

而我們實際上設法得到我們的手

on some video of Trump's debate prep.

在一些特朗普的辯論準備視頻上。

Check this out.

看看這個。

[ Bird chirps ]

[鳥叫聲]

-Alright, the big debate's tomorrow, and we gotta prep.

-好吧，明天就是大辯論了，我們得準備一下。

We gotta prep.

我們得做準備。

If I blow this, there's no telling

如果我搞砸了，那就不好說了

how many tens of people will change their minds about me.

有多少人幾十人對我改觀。

That's why I asked you,

這就是為什麼我問你。

my loyal team of future tell-all authors,

我忠實的團隊未來的告訴作者。

to come up with questions.

來提出問題。

So, hit me. What do we got?

所以，打我。我們得到了什麼？

-Mr. President, first question --

主席先生，第一個問題 -- --

when will the COVID vaccine be ready?

COVID疫苗什麼時候能用？

-Easy. Tomorrow. [ Laughter ]

-輕鬆點放鬆。 明天。[笑聲]

Definitely tomorrow. It's coming out immediately.

明天一定會。馬上就出來了。

And, look, it's a very wonderful vaccine.

而且，你看，這是一個非常美妙的疫苗。

Tastes great.

味道很好。

Very delicious vaccine -- gonna to be grape probably.

非常美味的疫苗--可能會是葡萄。

We have our scientists working around the clock,

我們的科學家晝夜不停地工作。

mixing [inhales sharply] the vials and the beakers,

混合[急速吸入]小瓶和燒杯。

and it's turning the liquid into different colors.

它把液體變成了不同的顏色。

Just incredible.

真是不可思議。

Right now, it's very green and bubbly,

現在，它很青澀，很冒泡。

and it unleashes smoke in the shape of a skull,

並釋放出骷髏形狀的煙霧。

so it's looking good.

所以它看起來不錯。

Next question.

下一個問題。

-Mr. President, is it true that,

-總統先生，是否真的：

in 2016 and '17, you paid $750 in federal income taxes?

在2016年和17年，你交了750美元的聯邦所得稅？

-Absolutely false. -Excellent.

-絕對是假的-很好

Great, clear answer.

很好，答案很明確。

-I paid $350.

-我付了350美元

-Okay, maybe let's just skip that.

-好吧，也許我們就跳過這個吧。

-Sir, what's your view on climate change?

-先生，你對氣候變化有什麼看法？

-Look, I've said it before. We love the climate.

-聽著，我以前說過了。我們喜歡這裡的氣候

The scientists -- they don't even know.

科學家們... 他們甚至不知道。

They don't even know.

他們甚至不知道。

I watch WKTG -- their meteorologist.

我看WKTG，他們的氣象學家。

He gets the climate wrong most every day.

他每天都會把氣候弄錯大部分。

He says, "It's raining." There's no rain.

他說，"下雨了。"根本就沒有雨

He says, "It's sunny," but I look at my phone,

他說："天晴了。"但我看了看手機。

and the sun's behind a little cloud.

和太陽的背後的一個小云。

Very sad.

非常傷心。

It's a tough thing -- the climate.

這是一個艱難的事情 - 氣候。

[ Inhales sharply ] Very tough. Very tough thing.

[吸氣急劇] 非常艱難的。非常艱難的事情。

-Mr. President, if you win...

-總統先生，如果你贏了... ...

-Ah-bah, ah-bah -- when I win.

-啊哈，啊哈，當我贏的時候

[ Laughter ] How about when I win?

[笑]怎麼樣，當我贏了嗎？

-...when you win,

-...當你贏了。

how exactly are you gonna unite the country?

你到底要怎麼統一全國？

-I'm going to pass on that one. -Okay.

-我就不說這個了。-好吧

How will you ease racial tension?

你將如何緩解種族緊張局勢？

-Ooh, big pass.

-哦，大傳球

-Back to your taxes -- -Double-dog pass.

回到你的稅上 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

-Well, I think we need an answer for that.

-我想我們需要一個答案。

-I said double-dog, so, legally, you have to pass.

-我說的是雙狗，所以，從法律上講，你必須通過。

They said I can have three passes.

他們說我可以有三個通行證。

Didn't they say that?

他們不是說過嗎？

Can we look into that? Three passes?

我們可以研究一下嗎？三次傳球？

-What do you think of Biden's plan to --

-你對拜登的計劃有何看法？

-Look, the thing about -- the thing about Biden,

-聽著，關於... 關於拜登的事情。

can I just say the thing about Biden

我能說說拜登的事嗎

is that he's a nasty woman.

是他是一個討厭的女人。

[ Laughter ] He's such a nasty woman.

[笑]他是這樣一個討厭的女人。

-Sorry, you said that about Hillary.

-抱歉，你說的是希拉里。

-That's right.

-沒錯

I'm bringing back all the classics.

我把所有的經典都帶回來了。

No one goes to a Counting Crows concert

沒有人會去數烏鴉的演唱會。

to hear the new stuff, folks.

聽到新的東西，夥計們。

With me, it's "Mr. Jones" all night.

對我來說，這是 "瓊斯先生 "的整個晚上。

By the way, that's where I -- that's where I drop the mic.

順便說一下，這就是我... ... 這就是我放下話筒的地方。

-You won't have a mic, sir.

-你不會有一個麥克風，先生。

-Well, I'll -- I'll drop this one, then.

-好吧，我... ... 那我就放棄這個了。

[ Clicking, fabric rustling ] -Not that kind of mic.

[點擊，面料沙沙] 不是那種麥克風。

[ No audio ]

[在音頻]

We can't hear you now, sir. [ Laughter ]

我們現在聽不到你的聲音，先生。[笑聲]

[ Clicking, fabric rustling ]

[點擊，織物沙沙作響]

-Hello?

-你好 你好

-Sir, civil unrest is widespread across the country.

-先生，全國各地普遍存在內亂。

-Yes, it's very unrestful. People are very upset.

-是的，這是非常不穩定的。人們很不高興。

They're throwing cans of tuna.

他們在扔金槍魚罐頭。

Very sad for tuna. Next?

對金槍魚來說，非常難過。下一個？

-Finally, will you accept the outcome of the election

-最後，你是否會接受選舉結果？

if you don't win?

如果你不贏？

-I will absolutely. Definitely.

-我絕對會。我絕對會。

[ Clicking, fabric rustling ]

[點擊，織物沙沙作響]

[ No audio ]

[在音頻]

-Sir, we can't hear -- [ Laughter ]

-先生，我們聽不到 -- [笑聲]

Oh, he knows.

哦，他知道。

[ No audio ]

[在音頻]

[ Applause ]