we need to also kind of learn how to make the food

我們還需要學習如何製作食物。

so that we could better appreciate it.

以便我們能更好地欣賞它。

So today, we're with a soba master who's gonna teach us how to make soba,

所以今天，我們請來了一位蕎麥麵師傅，他要教我們如何做蕎麥麵。

so in the future we know what makes a good soba or a bad soba.

所以以後我們知道什麼是好的蕎麥麵或壞的蕎麥麵。

*music*

*音樂*

Soba noodles, unlike chubby white udon noodles,

蕎麥麵，不同於白胖的烏冬麵。

are made from a combination of buckwheat flour and wheat flour.

是由蕎麥粉和小麥粉組合而成。

The buckwheat gives it a nutty taste and a bouncier bite,

蕎麥給它帶來了堅果的味道，咬起來更有彈性。

but it also means it's harder to make than a normal wheat based noodle.

但這也意味著它比普通的小麥基面條更難做。

Today we are learning how to make one of the hardest types of soba:

今天我們要學習的是如何製作最難吃的一種蕎麥麵。

NI-HACHI SOBA! *battle music*

倪八SOBA！*（戰鬥音樂）

And it's made with a ratio of 20% wheat flour to 80% buckwheat.

而它的製作比例是20%的小麥粉和80%的蕎麥。

*Sensei Ito speaks in Japanese*

*伊藤老師用日語說了一句話

*continues in Japanese*

*以日文繼續*

Good thing they provided a translator with his lesson.

好在他們提供了一個翻譯，給他上課。

Cause I'd be totally lost.

因為我會完全迷失。

Well now that we listened to those instructions

既然我們聽了這些訓示

I'm sure that we memorized them and we will follow them, perfectly.

我相信，我們記住了他們，我們會按照他們的要求去做，完美的。

Time to execute the perfect soba!

是時候執行完美的蕎麥麵了!

This is gonna be easy!!!

這很容易！！！

Totally!!!

完全是！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

It's not gonna turn out like the shape of all wrong and...lumpy... *cries*

它不會變成像所有錯誤的形狀... ...和... ...塊狀... ...*cries*

I'm gonna fail in front of a master T.T

我會在大師T. T. T面前失敗的

Get yourself together Martina.

瑪蒂娜，你要振作起來

*slap*

*拍打*

Okay!

好吧！

Step one:

第一步：

sneeze in the bowl.

在碗裡打了個噴嚏。

No Simon, that's not part of it!

不，西蒙，這不是它的一部分！

*Music*

*音樂*

Easy...

簡單...

(whispers) Oh...

（耳語）哦...

*Fail music*

*"失敗的音樂

I already messed up -

我已經搞砸了

already.

已經。

This is the easiest part guys,

這是最簡單的部分，夥計們。

This is the easiest part and it's the most exhausting part already...

這是最簡單的部分，已經是最累的部分了......

*yelps*

*******

I haven't started kneading...

我還沒開始揉... ...

Captain's log:

船長的日誌。

*pants*

*褲子*

I'm exhausted.

我累死了

Whew!

唷！

This does kill your back!

這確實會讓你的背部受傷！

Whoa!

哇！

Aaaarrrgh!

Aaaarrrgh!

I'm trying to sit down.

我想坐下來。

Martina: Come on, Simon.

來吧，西蒙。

Aaahhhh!

Aaahhhh!

I could sit!

我可以坐！

Oh my god!

哦，我的上帝！

Do they have a couch here or something?

他們這裡有沙發什麼的嗎？

Feels like they will never join together!

感覺他們永遠不會在一起了!

Feels like these are all their own little planets.

感覺這些都是自己的小星球。

With every push their has to be an explosion.

每推一次，他們就會有一次爆炸。

*Explosion sound*

*爆炸聲*

*Explosion sound*

*爆炸聲*

Ooooh my god!

哦，我的上帝！

Deadlifts yesterday.

昨天的臥推。

Why did I do deadlifts yesterday???

我昨天為什麼要做臥推？

Could've done anything else...

可以做其他事情...

You knew you had to shoot in advance,

你知道你必須提前拍攝。

and decided to do deadlifts?!

並決定做仰臥起坐？

Watching Star Trek on the couch alone,

獨自在沙發上看《星際迷航》。

why would I do that yesterday?!

我昨天為什麼要這麼做？

It was so tough!

太難了!

Made myself a cosmo...

給自己做了個cosmo...

Star Trek Next Gen...

星際迷航下一代...

*Sensei Ito instructs in Japanese*

*"伊藤老師用日語授課

This is a really bad angle,

這是一個非常糟糕的角度。

it just looks like from this angle:

只是從這個角度看。

"What you want gurl?"

"你想要什麼，Gurl？"

"What you want?"

"你想要什麼？"

Don't look at this angle on the camera.

別看這個角度的相機。

*grunting noises*

*咕嚕咕嚕的聲音

This is a terrible camera angle.

這是一個可怕的攝影角度。

Should have thought better about it.

應該想得更周全才對。

Yeah... Play some inappropriate music right now.

是啊...播放一些不合適的音樂，現在。

You like that don't you?

你喜歡這樣，不是嗎？

*Simon continues*

*Simon繼續*

*Crickets*

*蟋蟀

Just a little bit more until you get nice and hard.

再多一點，直到你變得又好又硬。

You like that?

你喜歡這樣嗎？

Like the pounding you gettin?

就像你受到的打擊？

Should've brought a tripod...

應該帶個三腳架... ...

Definitely...

絕對是...

Shoulda brought a tripod...

應該帶個三腳架...

*Explosion noise*

*（爆炸噪音）

*Explosion noises*

*（爆炸聲）

Sensei Ito: Ooooh!

伊藤老師：哦哦!

OHH YEAAAAH!!!

OHH YEAAAAH！

Martina: Ah~~~

瑪蒂娜：啊~~~

That's what you're doing, I get to do...

這是你在做什麼，我做... ...

Simon: How do we know when I'm ready?

西蒙：我們怎麼知道我什麼時候準備好？

Martina: Okay, okay, okay...

瑪蒂娜好吧，好吧，好吧，好吧... ...

It was a bad one...

這是一個糟糕的...

Martina: Oh no~

瑪蒂娜：哦，不~

Dan: Doing really well Simon.

丹：做得很好，西蒙。

I am.

我就是

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

And now we roll?

現在我們滾？

*Sad voice* Mine looks lumpy.

*我的看起來很結實。

So I made it into this shape right here, right now.

所以我把它做成了這個形狀，就在這裡，就在現在。

I'm ready for the next step.

我已經準備好下一步了。

...

...

I don't remember the next step.

我不記得下一步是什麼了。

What's the next step?

下一步是什麼？

Mine looks crappy :(

我的看起來很糟糕 :(

Belly button!!

肚臍！

*Pirate voice* Eeeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh!!!

*咿咿呀呀！

Now that we finished flattening it out,

現在，我們完成了對它的平整。

we put it in plastic bags so it could stay dry,

我們把它放在塑膠袋裡，這樣就可以保持乾燥。

now we gotta clean out the bowl.

現在，我們得清理出碗。

*music*

*音樂*

So the next step

所以下一步

is I have to mush this out

是我必須要把它弄出來

to 30 centimeters.

至30釐米。

Gotta get it...

必須得到它...

...to 30 centimeters.

...到30釐米。

It's not long enough yet...

還不夠長... ...

Gotta make it a little bit longer.

得讓它長一點。

Soon as I got it

我一拿到它

I was like "Oh just push it down,"

我當時想："哦，只是把它推下來，"

and I went like "Pppccckkkaaaaahhhh!"

我就像 "Pppccckkkaaaaahhhh！"

And then this is the area that's kind of like

然後這是一個區域，這是一種像

a bit torn.

有點糾結。

Simon: 29!

29歲！

Almost there!

快到了！

29...

29...

*panting and dying*

*氣喘吁吁，奄奄一息*

29...

29...

Simon: 30!

30！

Pull it out.

把它拉出來。

*excited noises*

*興奮的聲音

Has to be 30 centimeters.

必須是30釐米。

Haaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!耶!!!!!!!!

*Dothraki man warrior roar* THIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*多斯拉克人戰士的吼叫聲 THIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!。

So the next part what you're supposed to do is

所以接下來你要做的是

with the rolling pin,

用擀麵杖。

you don't roll with your hands

手不釋卷

you're supposed to put your nails on

你應該把你的指甲上

and you're supposed to

而你應該

rub it together like this.

像這樣揉在一起。

And after every seven rolls,

而每七卷之後。

you're supposed to turn it

你應該把它

fifteen degrees.

十五度。

He wound up telling me

他最後告訴我

that mine is getting a bit deformed.

我的有點變形了。

because,

因為：

my right arm is a lot stronger than my left arm..

我的右臂比左臂強壯得多... ...

I don't know x2

我不知道x2

I don't know why that would be...

我不知道為什麼會...

*Old woman voice* Uuuuuuuhhhmmmm...

*老女人的聲音Uuuuuuuhhhmmmm... ...

I miss the hair on my knuckles...

我懷念我指節上的毛髮... ...

When you do this, and you rub it,

當你這樣做的時候，你擦。

You just basically

你只是基本上

sear off all the skin hair.

把所有的皮毛都燒掉。

So Dan...

所以丹...

a little bit of Martina knuckle hair in there...

一點點瑪蒂娜的指關節頭髮在那裡... ...

*Sensei Ito comments in Japanese*

*伊藤老師用日語評論*

Martina: Nice?

好看嗎？

Martina: Okay......

瑪蒂娜好的......

So an important step that I'm learning is that

所以，我學習的一個重要步驟是，。

you have to check the sides

你必須檢查兩側

to make sure that each of them is the same width.

以確保它們每個都是相同的寬度。

I had one that was thicker here and one that was thinner here

我這裡有一個比較厚的，這裡有一個比較薄的。

so he's helping me right now with trying to even out the edges.

所以他現在正在幫我努力把邊邊角角磨平。

I could hear the sound of a father's disappointment in his son...

我能聽到一個父親對兒子失望的聲音... ...

You know that voice that they use?

你知道他們用的那個聲音嗎？

When a...

當一個...

When you've really disappointed...

當你真正失望的時候... ...

your parents :(

你的父母

Yup.

是啊

*Martina sings to her dough*

*瑪蒂娜對著她的麵糰唱歌

Simon: One more.

西蒙。再來一次

Ooohh!!!

Ooohh!!!

*Martina's singing escalates*

*瑪蒂娜的歌聲升級

I'm glad he's here for this part

我很高興他在這裡的這部分。

because when I saw him doing it himself

因為當我看到他自己做的時候

I knew this was the part I was gonna mess up.

我就知道這是我要搞砸的部分。

Sensai Ito: Ton, ton, ton...

伊藤賢宰頓，頓，頓...

Is it important to say "ton, ton, ton, ton?"

說 "頓、頓、頓、頓 "重要嗎？

*Japanese instructions*

*日文說明*

Simon: Yup!

西蒙：是啊!

Oooooooooooohhhhhh,

噢噢噢噢噢噢噢噢。

I messed up bad...

我搞砸了...

This has to be

這必須是

in a perfectly square shape so that

正方形，以便

when it's folded over, when you cut all the noodles

當它被摺疊起來，當你切斷所有的麵條

it'll be even.

這將是均勻的。

Because I've got more of like a...

因為我有更多的喜歡... ...

rhombus-y kind of

菱形

circle meets a squid shape going on,

圓圈遇到魷魚形狀要。

the noodle cutting might not be all too great.

切面可能不是太好。

If Simon was his grandson,

如果西蒙是他的孫子。

he would have received a strong beating by now.

他現在就會受到強烈的打擊。

If I was his grandson, I would be written out of the will for this.

如果我是他的孫子，我一定會是以被寫進遺囑裡。

So Dan, you should be able to

所以丹，你應該可以

pick Simon's out from mine

矮子裡拔將軍

based on which one's fatter and thinner.

根據哪個人的胖瘦。

Which one's tastier!

哪種更好吃!

Has more love!

有更多的愛!

And spirit!

還有精神！

Martina: Mine! Cause I was like talking to it.

我的！因為我很喜歡跟它說話。

You have to whisper to your food when you make it.

做飯的時候要對著食物說悄悄話。

Although Simon was whispering...

雖然西蒙在低聲說... ...

His soba might be pregnant, I'm not sure, but...

他的蕎麥麵可能懷孕了，我不確定，但是... ...

So

所以

this is supposed to be all

這應該是所有

evenly

均勻

squared.

平方。

Instead, I've got all of this empty

相反，我已經得到了所有這些空的

and all of this empty.

而這一切的空。

I messed this up

我把這個搞砸了

really

真的

really

真的

bad...

壞...

He can't even look me in the eye anymore...

他連看都不敢看我的眼睛...

Now he just like casts his head down

現在他就像把頭低下

and walks over to his favorite child.

並走到自己喜歡的孩子身邊。

So the rules of this knife:

所以這把刀的規則。

you're supposed to keep your hand right up against

你應該保持你的手的權利反對

the blade, like here.

刀片，像這裡。

And when you push down,

而當你推倒。

you angle left.

你向左轉。

So you don't slide the blade

所以你不要滑動刀片

You just push, angle, push, angle.

你只是推，角度，推，角度。

On the cutting board

在砧板上

you're only supposed to have three fingers lightly.

你只應該有三根手指輕輕地。

Don't mush it down or else

不要把它壓碎了，否則

you just won't have any noodles.

你只是不會有任何麵條。

You'll have, a, noodle.

你會有，一，面。

aaaaannnnddd....

aaaaandd....

Push,

推。

left.

左邊。

Whaat?!

恨嗎？

I've cut my first soba noodle!

我第一次切了蕎麥麵!

That's way too thick isn't it?

這也太厚了吧？

Probably.

也許吧

Yes?

是嗎？

*Translator instructs Simon*

*"翻譯員訓示西蒙

Try to aim ONE MILLIMETER?!!?!

試著瞄準一百萬米嗎！！？

Who can aim ONE millimeter?!

誰能瞄準一毫米？

*BAMF music*

*BAMF音樂*

How about we go for five?

我們來五次怎麼樣？

...alright, here we go.

...好吧，我們開始吧。

Three fingers

三根手指

Pop! Pop!

啪！啪！

*fail music*

*失敗的音樂*

I'm f*cked

我完蛋了

I'm prope...

我支持...

I'm proper f*cked.

我是適當的f*cked。

There's like a really delicate movement,

就像一個很微妙的動作。

when you move the knife.

當你動刀的時候。

When you put it down,

當你把它放下的時候。

you just basically do this.

你只是基本上這樣做。

And you nudge the board over a tiny bit.

然後你把板子推過來一點點。

But you'll like do a little bit more

但你會喜歡做多一點。

and then you nudge it too much

然後你推得太多

and then you cut it down

然後你把它切下來

and then you get this

然後你會得到這個

god forsaken giant noodle.

被神拋棄的巨型麵條。

Uggggghhhhhh

Uggggghhhhhh

Oh my god

我的天啊

It's so bad!

太糟糕了！

So the master said,

所以大師說。

If you cut it too big, you're just supposed to say:

如果你剪的太大，你就應該說。

you like big noodles. So you know what? I like big noodles!

你喜歡吃大面條那你知道嗎？我喜歡吃大面！

I don't want baby noodles...

我不想吃嬰兒麵條... ...

I want MAN noodles.

我想吃MAN面。

Oh this is just getting uglier and sadder...

哦，這只是越來越醜陋和悲傷... ...

Martina: Slow down. Look you're angling this weird.

瑪蒂娜：慢點。你看你這個角度很奇怪。

This is going off on an angle.

這是要從一個角度出發。

Simon: No, because there's no more density.

西蒙：沒有，因為沒有更多的密度。

That's... There's just no noodle there.

那是...只是那裡沒有面條。