We call them neurotic or mad, difficult or a head case.

我們稱他們為神經病或瘋子，難纏或頭疼。

It's understandable that we should reach out like this for a catchall term, but there are better and worse words to generalize with the most effective, comprehensive and humane is also one of the simplest in maturity.

我們這樣伸手要一個統稱可以理解，但有更好更壞的詞可以概括，最有效、最全面、最人性化的詞也是最簡單的成熟詞之一。

If we wanted to sum up most of what is askew with ourselves and our fellow ailing and troublesome humans, we could do worse than to define our collective deficiencies on insanity under the umbrella term immature.

如果我們想總結我們自己和我們那些生病的、麻煩的人類同胞的大部分問題，我們可以做的比把我們在精神錯亂方面的集體缺陷定義為不成熟的總括性術語更糟糕。

It is out of maturity that we rage and slander that were meek and uncreative, that we grow suspicious and panicky that were insulted on, offend, and why have we not developed as we should?

正是出於成熟，我們憤怒和誹謗，是溫順和沒有創造力的，我們變得多疑和慌亂，是被侮辱上，得罪了，為什麼我們沒有發展到應有的程度？

If we wanted to further generalize, we can point to two problematic dynamics that operate in the background of almost all our most regrettable moments, one low self worth to low trust.

如果我們想進一步概括，我們可以指出兩個問題動力，幾乎在我們所有最遺憾的時刻的背景下運作，一個低自我價值到低信任。

In others.

在其他：

It is these two phenomena that seem best able to explain why living with ourselves and others can prove at points so immeasurably difficult.

正是這兩種現象似乎最能解釋為什麼與自己和他人生活在一起的時候會被證明是如此的困難。

Where there is low self worth, a litany of troubles follow among them.

凡是自我價值低下的地方，一連串的煩惱就會隨之而來，其中。

An inability to take criticism and inability to disagree firmly but calmly with someone else.

不能接受批評，不能堅定而冷靜地與別人意見相左。

A paranoid fear that others must hate us, a sense that disaster and punishment must come our way.

偏執地害怕別人一定會恨我們，覺得災難和懲罰一定會降臨到我們身上。

An inability to show our true Selves, a sense that what we really think won't appeal to anyone, from which follows a lack of creativity and originality and finally, a defensive grandiosity and arrogance that masks our own fragile ego.

無法展現真實的自我，覺得自己真正的想法不會吸引任何人，由此而來的是缺乏創造力和原創性，最後，是掩蓋自己脆弱的自我的防禦性的宏大和傲慢。

And where there is low trust in others, a range of adjoining difficulties arises an inability to trust those who want to help us and give us feedback and inability to teach others about what we feel, want and think.

而在對他人信任度較低的地方，就會出現一系列相鄰的困難，無法信任那些想要幫助我們、給我們反饋的人，也無法教導他人我們的感受、想要和想法。

A fear that others are always primed to attack and denigrate us, a sense that because others have let us down, they might do so again, which inspires conservatism, lack of trust and rigidity.

害怕別人總是初步攻擊和詆譭我們，覺得因為別人讓我們失望了，所以可能會再次讓我們失望，這就激發了我們的保守、缺乏信任和僵化。

Unsurprisingly, both of these dynamics low self worth and low trust in others could be traced back to floored developments in childhood.

不足為奇的是，這兩種動態低自我價值和低信任他人可以追溯到浮動發展在童年。

It is a hugely unfortunate vulnerability in our makeup that we cannot possibly value ourselves until we've bean valued very deeply by somebody else.

這是一個非常不幸的弱點，在我們的構成中，我們不可能重視自己，除非我們已經被別人深深地重視了。

We learn toe like who we are because someone way back first liked who we were.

我們學會喜歡自己，是因為有人在很久以前就喜歡上了我們。

It was through their enthusiasm and resilient care for us that we gradually grew able to internalize a positive self image and then acquired the tools to care for ourselves and others.

正是由於他們對我們的熱情和堅韌不拔的關懷，我們逐漸成長為能夠內化為積極的自我形象，然後獲得了關愛自己和他人的工具。

Even when the world beyond was ambiguous or hostile, The caregivers, kindly supportive voice became the way we learned to speak to ourselves at moments of crisis.

即使在外面的世界是曖昧的或充滿敵意的時候，護理人員善意支持的聲音也成了我們學會在危機時刻對自己說話的方式。

As a result of love.

由於愛的結果。

We have the strength to hear criticism.

我們有實力聽取批評意見。

We can apply boundaries and push back against unfair treatment.

我們可以運用界限，反擊不公平的待遇。

We don't await punishment or disaster.

我們不等待懲罰或災難。

We could be ourselves in company on our minds of creative on, unafraid of their depths.

我們可以自己在公司對我們的頭腦中的創意上，不怕他們的深度。

Trust in others is similarly the gift of a good childhood, the result of a positive relationship with one or two people in our formative years.

對他人的信任同樣是美好童年的饋贈，是我們成長過程中與一兩個人建立積極關係的結果。

When we entered the kitchen not every time but enough times to form a protective layer over our ego, this other person looked up and lit up.

當我們不是每次都進廚房，而是進了足夠多的次數，在自我身上形成保護層的時候，這個別人抬起頭來，亮了起來。

We trusted them.

我們信任他們。

If there was something that worried us.

如果有什麼讓我們擔心的事情。

We knew they would listen and try to help.

我們知道他們會傾聽並努力幫助我們。

They would never humiliate or attack us.

他們絕不會羞辱或攻擊我們。

They were on our side.

他們是站在我們這邊的。

They might have had a name for us little champion button chops or sweet sheep.

他們可能會給我們這些小冠軍鈕釦排或甜羊取個名字。

At one point in adolescence, we certainly didn't want that name used anymore, and it would be mortifying if colleagues knew it today.

在青春期的時候，我們當然不希望這個名字再被使用，如果今天的同事知道這個名字，那就太丟人了。

But it remains a secret symbol of an emotional bedrock upon which all are later confidence was able to emerge in dark moments.

但它仍然是一個祕密的象徵，所有的情感基石上，後來的信心是能夠在黑暗的時刻出現。

It can be tempting to assume that if we've not had adequate love in the early years on have lacked experience of good relationships with done for, the truth is less dark.

這可能是誘人的假設，如果我們沒有足夠的愛情在早年就已經缺乏經驗的良好關係與做為，事實是不那麼黑暗。

We will face great difficulties, a kind of tax on our whole lives, exacted by our childhoods that other luckier people will never have to pay.

我們將面臨巨大的困難，這是一種對我們一生的稅收，由我們的童年徵收的，其他更幸運的人永遠都不用交。

But we can follow three routes to ameliorate our sorrows.

但我們可以通過三種途徑來改善我們的悲傷。

Firstly, we need toe understand the past.

首先，我們要了解過去。

This is less obvious than it can sound.

這一點聽起來不那麼明顯。

It takes a great deal of courage to explore at the necessary level of detail what really happened to us and why the minds temptation is to flee such uncomfortable material for easier subjects.

要在必要的細節層面上探究發生在我們身上的真實情況，以及為什麼頭腦中的誘惑會逃離這種不舒服的材料，而選擇更容易的主題，這需要很大的勇氣。

But really recovery requires a proper engagement with the humiliations and agonies of yesteryear.

但真正的恢復需要正確地對待昔日的屈辱和痛苦。

Secondly, we need to be able to commune around our wounds with other people who've gone through the same or similar things.

其次，我們需要能夠圍繞著我們的傷口與其他經歷過相同或類似事情的人進行交流。

We need to ensure that we're not going to be alone with our pains and that we can build connections with fellow sufferers.

我們要確保自己不會一個人承受痛苦，我們可以和同胞建立聯繫。

Thirdly, a related point.

第三，相關的一點。

We need to build reparative relationships.

我們需要建立補償關係。

If we were not properly loved, then we need to find people who could love us properly Now, which is not going to be an easy task when, because of our histories were liable to reject any appropriate candidates who offer themselves.

如果我們沒有被適當的愛，那麼我們需要找到的人誰可以正確地愛我們現在，這不會是一個簡單的任務時，因為我們的歷史有可能拒絕任何適當的候選人誰提供自己。

We need other people to help us to lessen our suspicion of ourselves and then to help us to see that the world won't always reject our ideas or try to Marcus or have no time for our riel Selves.

我們需要別人幫助我們減少對自己的懷疑，然後幫助我們看到這個世界不會總是拒絕我們的想法或試圖馬庫斯或沒有時間為我們的里爾自我。

People tend nowadays to pride themselves on their capacity for some hard work.

現在的人往往以自己有能力做一些艱苦的工作為榮。

There is no harder work than that just outlined.

沒有比剛才概述的更難的工作了。

It leads directly to no greater sums of money and no higher status.

這直接導致了沒有更多的資金和更高的地位。