"There are people who think Julia Roberts is hot?!

Her gigantic mouth looks like it will devour

an elephant in one bite."

(laughter from audience)

Thank you, kemotherapy7, and good luck.

"Don Cheadle seems like the kind of guy

who I wouldn't want to hang around with

under any circumstances ever.

- He's so f*cking wack." - (audience laughs)

"Honestly."

"Ashton Kutcher needs to get hit by a bus ASAP."

(audience laughs)

"I hate Courtney Cox.

- I f*cking hate her." - (audience laughs)

- "F*cking hoe." - (audience laughs louder)

That's sweet.

"If I said it once, I've said it a hundred times.

- F*ck Andy Garcia." - (audience laughs)

"Mindy Kaling is not funny or attractive.

She has an annoying voice and just plainly sucks.

Why does she have her own show?"

- I feel like this is more than 140 characters. - (audience laughs)

"David Blaine looks like his voice

- is putting his face to sleep." - (audience laughs)

"Don Rickles looks like Yoda."

- (audience laughs) - Mmm.

"Ethan Hawkes seems like a guy

who wasn't supposed to be a movie star,

but he slipped through the cracks

and everyone was just like, 'Ok.'"

(audience laughs)

"Matthew McConaughey is a d*ck turd."

(audience laughs)

A d*ck turd...

- What the f*ck's a d-ck turd? - (audience laughs)

"Oh, f*ck off, June Squibb."

(audience laughs)

ben1283, you f*ck off!

(audience laughs and applauds)

"I hope Jeremy Piver's d*ck falls off in public."

(audience laughs)

"Kit Harrington is a pretty terrible Jon Snow.

In the show he seems like a big bitch

with a stupid look on his face. #badcasting."

(audience laughs)

"Emma Stone looks like she smells like cat piss."

Okay.

"Gary Oldman sucks and his accents are f*cking

annoying as sh*t."

(laughs)

- Yup. - (audience laughs)

"Sophia Vergara sounds like she has

a d*ck in her mouth.

I hate hearing her talk."

What's wrong with having a d*ck in my mouth?

(audience laughs and cheers)

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