(laughing) (upbeat music)

（笑） （歡快的音樂）

Do you date a lot?

你經常約會嗎？

You date a lot.

你經常約會。

- I like it.

- 我喜歡它。

Well, no, I don't like it at all.

嗯，不，我一點也不喜歡。

But I like the idea of it.

但我喜歡這個想法。

- Tell me about your first date

- 告訴我你的第一次約會

horror story. - Okay, so,

恐怖故事。- 好吧，那麼。

you've heard of The League, right?

你聽說過 "聯盟 "吧？

The app?

這個應用？

- Duh, it's only the most bougie dating app.

- 咄，這才是最牛逼的交友應用。

- No, I mean, they let in anyone.

- 不，我是說，他們讓任何人進來。

Let's be real. - No, they don't.

說實話吧- 不，他們沒有。

I know people that are still on the waiting list for it.

我知道有人還在等待它的名單上。

- Oh, I'm sorry for them.

- 哦，我為他們感到難過。

Yeah, I found this one guy on the app,

是的，我在應用上找到了這個人。

and he was cute.

他很可愛。

We went to coffee,

我們去喝咖啡了。

and he bought me my drink which was super sweet.

他給我買了我的飲料 這是超級甜蜜。

It's like fine.

這就像罰款。

I don't know if it's instant chemistry,

我不知道這是不是瞬間的化學反應。

but-- - It never is.

但是...

- It's perfectly pleasant.

- 這是非常愉快的。

He tells me that he went into grad school in Germany.

他告訴我，他在德國考上了研究所學生。

And I'm like, "Oh that's super cool.

我想，"哦，那是超級酷。

"Do you speak German?"

"你會說德語嗎？"

And he was like, "Oh, yeah, I speak German."

他說，"哦，是的，我說德語。"

And I'm like, oh, that's pretty attractive.

我想，哦，那是相當有吸引力的。

If you speak a European language,

如果你會說歐洲語言。

that's-- - That's (bleeping) hot.

那是... ... - 那是熱的。

Whatever.

管他呢

- He looks at me and says-- - As long as he's not a Nazi.

- 他看著我說---只要他不是納粹。

Oh no, is he a Nazi? (record scratching)

哦，不，他是一個納粹？（記錄劃痕）

- So-- - Did I just kill

- 我剛剛是不是殺了

the punch line?

妙語連珠？

(laughing) I'm so sorry.

（笑）我很抱歉。

- It's okay.

- 沒事的

He looked at me and he's like, "Are you Jewish?"

他看著我，他說，"你是猶太人嗎？"

(ominous music) - Oh no!

哦，不！

- So at this point I knew that this was gonna go

- 所以，在這一點上，我知道這是要去。

in not a great direction.

在不是很大的方向。

But I was like, "Yes, I am."

但我當時想，"是的，我是。"

To which he replied,

他回答說：

"Are you gonna be one of those guys

"你會成為那些人中的一員嗎？

"who ask me to role play as a Nazi?"

"誰讓我扮演納粹？"

(ominous music)

(不祥的音樂)

And I was a little appalled by that.

而我對此有些驚駭。

(chuckles) It was not at all what I was expecting.

和我想象的完全不一樣。

I look at him and I'm just like,

我看著他，我只是喜歡。

"Excuse me?"

"對不起？"

And he's like,

而他就像。

if you need to work out your trauma on me or whatever.

如果你需要在我身上解決你的創傷或什麼的，

- Holy (bleeping).

- 聖（嗶）。

- It just went from

- 它只是從

zero to 100-- - Like real quick.

從0到100...

- I think I was just like,

- 我想我只是喜歡。

"Wow, that's really (bleeping) offensive."

"哇，這真是（嗶嗶）令人反感。"

- You said that? - Yeah.

- 你說的？- 你說過？

(laughing) - (bleep) yeah!

是啊!

- I just had so many questions.

- 我只是有這麼多的問題。

Is this something that a lot of guys are interested in?

這是很多男生都感興趣的事情嗎？

And if they are, fine.

如果他們是，很好。

That's not me, but maybe don't assume that?

那不是我，但也許不要假設？

- Just because you're Jewish? - Yes!

- 就因為你是猶太人？- 就因為你是猶太人？

Like I guess this is a trope that I was unfamiliar with.

就像我想這是我不熟悉的一個套路。

- I don't think it is.

- 我不認為它是。

I think that was a very specific case.

我想這是一個很特殊的情況。

(laughing)

（笑）

- It took us to a level that I was not chill with.

- 它把我們帶到了一個我不感冒的程度。

- No, #notchill.

- 不，#不寒而慄。

- And then we never spoke again.

- 然後我們就再也沒有說過話。

- Imagine that.

- 想象一下

His loss.

他的損失。

Isn't that what you do? (laughing)

你不就是做這個的嗎？（笑）

- I want to hear about your horror story that--

- 我想聽聽你的恐怖故事... I want to hear about your horror story that...

- Oh God, mine's just a a disaster.

- 哦，天哪，我的只是一個災難。

(laughing) It's not

（笑）這不是

super offensive.

超強的攻擊性。

It's just bad.

這只是壞。

This was when I was only dating men for a period of time.

這時我只和男人約會了一段時間。

Mistake number one.

錯誤一：

He picks me up from my apartment

他到我的公寓來接我

on a motorcycle

騎摩托車

(motorcycle rumbles) and doesn't tell me.

(摩托車隆隆聲)卻不告訴我。

And I was wearing a dress.

而我當時穿的是裙子。

And I was like, okay maybe he just...

我當時想，好吧，也許他只是... ...

went over his head that he forgot to mention

他忘了說

that he was picking me up on a motorcycle.

他騎著摩托車來接我。

But then didn't have a second helmet.

但後來沒有第二個頭盔。

- No, shut it down. - And didn't offer his to me.

- 不，把它關了。- 也沒把他的給我。

And I was like,

我當時就想。

looked so awkward, this girl in a dress

看起來很尷尬，這個女孩穿著禮服

with my hair all down,

我的頭髮都掉下來了

and on the back of this (bleeping) motorcycle.

而在這輛（嗶嗶）摩托車的後面。

So we take a drive down to, do you remember Kabuki?

所以我們開車去，你還記得歌舞伎嗎？

So we go there.

所以我們去那裡。

And he's talking a lot about himself.

而且他說了很多關於自己的事情。

I'm just waiting patiently for him to finish,

我只是耐心地等他說完。

and he doesn't, he just keeps going and going.

而他沒有，他只是不停地去，去。

And I actually had to be like,

而我其實不得不像。

(toilet flushing) I gotta pee, be right back,

我得去尿尿，馬上回來。

to get him to stop talking for a minute.

讓他停止說話一分鐘。

- That's a good strategy. - Yeah.

- 這是一個很好的策略。- 對啊

And I go in the bathroom and text my friends.

然後我去洗手間給我的朋友發短信。

And I'm like, he's cute and rides a motorcycle, oh my God.

我想，他的可愛和騎摩托車， 哦，我的上帝。

But he won't shut the (bleep) up.

但他不會閉嘴的（嗶）。

(laughing) So I go back to the seat,

(笑)於是我回到座位上。

and we're talking, we're talking.

我們正在談論，我們正在談論。

And I'm like, okay.

我很喜歡，好吧。

He's like, do you want dessert?

他說，你想吃甜點嗎？

And I was like, no let's wrap this up

我當時想，不，讓我們把這個包起來。

'cause he's clearly not interested in me at all.

"因為他顯然對我不感興趣。

And then he asks,

然後他問道。

do I want any cocaine.

我想要任何可卡因。

(record scratches)

(記錄劃痕)

- That's so generous of him.

- 他真是太慷慨了

(laughing)

（笑）

- Just instead of dessert, how 'bout a little blow?

- 只是代替甜點，如何'回合一個小打擊？

And-- - It's basically like

基本上就像...

powdered sugar.

糖粉。

- Yeah, basically, right.

- 是的，基本上是這樣的

And all the dots started connecting.

所有的點都開始連接起來。

I was like, oh that's why I literally haven't spoken once

我當時想，哦，這就是為什麼我從字面上沒有說過一次。

this entire date.

這整個日期。

And so he had it in his wallet,

於是他把它放在錢包裡。

and I immediately was like, oh, my friend just texted me.

我立刻就像，哦，我的朋友只是發短信給我。

I'm going to go meet them down the street.

我去街上找他們。

And he was like, let me take you.

他說，讓我來帶你。

And I was like, no!

我當時想，不！

(laughing) Don't follow me.

(笑)不要跟著我。

Don't come near me.

不要靠近我

- Please leave forever. - And the worst part about it

- 請永遠離開。- 而最糟糕的是

is that after all of that, I still paid for my half.

是在所有這些之後，我還是支付了我的一半。

- No!

- 不！

- 'Cause I was at a point where I was like,

- 因為我在一個點上，我很喜歡，

I just want to get away from this man

我只想離開這個男人

with mountains of cocaine on him,

他身上有成山的可卡因。

and leave the restaurant.

並離開餐廳。

And I'll do anything, pay anything

我願意做任何事，付出任何代價

to like-- - Yes.

喜歡...

- This was a situation where I was like,

- 這種情況下，我很喜歡。

hey, this was fun, but I think we're

嘿，這是有趣的，但我認為我們是。

more good as friends.

更是好朋友。

Six months later, he gets arrested,

六個月後，他被捕了。

and is in jail still to this day.

並至今仍在獄中。

- You know what, you dodged a bullet.

- 你知道嗎，你躲過了一顆子彈。

- Yes, and who knows what slippery slope

- 是的，誰知道會有什麼滑坡呢？

that could of led to if I would have let his good looks

這可能會導致 如果我讓他的長相。

and motorcycle blind my good judgment.

和摩托車盲目我的良好判斷。

- Yeah.

- 是啊。

- But he was (bleeping) hot.

- 但他很（嗶）熱。

That was one of my first dating experiences in LA.

那是我在洛杉磯的第一次約會經歷。

So I was like, well,

所以我當時想，好吧。

I feel like I got the worst out of the way.

我覺得自己已經把最壞的情況解決了。

(laughing) - It's almost like

這幾乎就像。

a very LA story, though.

一個非常洛杉磯的故事，雖然。

- Yeah, but you know what?

- 是的，但你知道嗎？

Truth be told, I've never had an experience

說實話，我從來沒有經歷過。

as dangerous as that, but they've all been pretty shitty.

雖然很危險，但他們都很低劣。

- So do you have a first date horror story?

- 那麼你有第一次約會的恐怖故事嗎？

- Please, if you do, leave it in the comments below,

- 如果有的話，請在下方留言。

because we don't want to feel so bad

因為我們不想讓自己感覺如此糟糕

about our lives. - No, please make us

關於我們的生活。- 不，請讓我們

feel better about ourselves.

自我感覺良好。

- And subscribe to this channel,

- 並訂閱這個頻道。

if you're not subscribed.

如果你沒有訂閱。

- Please, yes.

- 拜託，是的。

Do it. - Do people say that?

做到這一點。- 人們會這麼說嗎？

Have we ever done that in videos?

我們在視頻中做過嗎？

Subscribe. - Subscribe!

訂閱。- 訂閱!

We're YouTubers. - We're YouTubers now.

我們是YouTubers。- 我們現在是YouTubers。

We're vloggers.

我們是vloggers。

(laughing)

（笑）

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)