because it's so easy to stalk them.

因為它是如此容易跟蹤他們。

(Ella laughs) - True.

（艾拉笑） - 真實。

Did I do anything as a child?

我小時候做過什麼嗎？

That was extreme?

這也太極端了吧？

- I'm sure I did.

- 我肯定我做了。

- I used to ride my bike past my crush's house all the time.

- 我以前經常騎車經過我暗戀的人的家。

And jokingly say, "Hi, Dad," to his dad.

並開玩笑地對他爸爸說："嗨，爸爸"。

(Kate laugh)

（凱特笑）

(sign squeaks)

（標誌吱吱作響）

(romantic music)

(浪漫音樂)

How much time do you have? (Ella laughs)

你有多少時間？（艾拉笑）

It's every crush I've ever had.

這是我的每一次暗戀。

- I blame rom-coms.

- 我責怪愛情喜劇。

You know what?

你知道嗎？

I'm just gonna put that out there.

我只是要去把它放在那裡。

So I'm like, you know what, I'm not being that crazy.

所以我想，你知道嗎，我沒有那麼瘋狂。

- Yeah. - Frickin' Jennifer Lopez

- 是啊。

pretended to be a guest in a hotel.

假裝在酒店做客。

- Jasmine

- 茉莉花

pretended to be a common person when she was a princess.

當她還是公主的時候，就裝作是普通人。

- So you wanna hook someone. - Yeah.

- 所以，你想勾引別人。- 對啊

- You gotta go the extra mile. - I had (laughs)

- 你得去額外的里程。- 我有（笑）

this terrible

這可怕

fully delusional

痴心妄想

idea that if I just put myself into certain situation

如果我把自己置身於某種情況下

and just pretended like

而只是裝作

I didn't know he was going to be there.

我不知道他要去那裡。

(Ella laughs) Then he'd be like,

(艾拉笑)那他就會像。

"Oh, my God.

"哦，我的天啊。

"You're beautiful.

"你真漂亮。

"I can't live another day without you."

"沒有你，我不能再活一天。"

That's so crazy.

這真是太瘋狂了。

(both laughs) That's so crazy.

太瘋狂了。

- I've helped friends with crazy plans.

- 我幫朋友們做過瘋狂的計劃。

- Yeah. - And I'm like fully,

- 是啊 我很喜歡完全。

fully on board.

全員上陣。

I had this one friend that had a crush

我有一個朋友，有一個暗戀。

on a guy in another country.

在另一個國家的傢伙。

And we

而我們

planned a trip,

計劃了一次旅行。

a Europe trip,

歐洲之行。

so she could (bleep) the guy.

這樣她就可以(嗶嗶)這個人。

- (laughs) So, I don't know.

- （笑）所以，我不知道。

You guys probably haven't seen my dating show

你們可能沒有看過我的約會節目

'cause it did not get a lot of views.

因為它沒有得到很多的意見。

- You can click there. - Here's a link.

- 你可以點擊那裡。- 這是一個鏈接。

(both laugh)

（兩者笑）

- Watch it.

- 看好了

- I matched with someone on Tinder, in Portland,

- 我在Tinder上和一個人匹配，在波特蘭。

when I went there for my dating show.

當我去那裡為我的約會節目。

And he didn't want to date on camera,

他也不想在鏡頭下約會。

but we kept talking afterwards.

但之後我們一直在哈拉。

And

還有

it's looking like I'm planning a little bit of a hocation.

看來我正計劃著要去旅行了

(audience applauds)

(觀眾鼓掌)

To Portland. - Yeah, I love that.

去波特蘭- 是的，我喜歡這樣

- Get a good-- - I also--

- 我也...

- Weekend.

- 週末。

(both laugh)

（兩者笑）

- You're gonna go get it.

- 你要去得到它。

- Yeah.

- 是啊。

Which is crazy, there are so many glaring things

太瘋狂了，有這麼多明顯的東西。

that make me say, "Should I go on this hocation?"

這讓我說，"我應該去這個地方嗎？"

But it's a weird kind of crush.

但這是一種奇怪的暗戀。

'Cause it's not gonna last.

因為它不會持續。

He lives there, I live here, that's it.

他住在那裡，我住在這裡，就是這樣。

- One time,

- 一次。

I liked this guy

我喜歡這個人

and I was an acquiescence of his friend.

而我是他朋友的默許。

Not even really friends.

甚至不是真正的朋友。

An acquaintance of his friend,

他朋友的一個熟人。

and I asked his friend,

我問他的朋友。

"We should all go to dinner sometime."

"我們應該找個時間一起去吃飯。"

- Yeah. - And it was like,

- 是啊。

really obvious that I was just trying to like--

真的很明顯， 我只是想喜歡 -

- Yeah.

- 是啊。

- But it was so awkward because before we got to the dinner,

- 但是很尷尬，因為還沒到吃飯的時候。

he sent a text message that was the acquaintance,

他發了一條簡訊，是熟人。

that was meant for the friend,

那是為朋友準備的

that I liked. (gasping)

我喜歡的。（喘氣）

- What'd he say?

- 他說了什麼？

- That was like, she obviously likes you, ha ha.

- 這就像，她顯然喜歡你，哈哈。

And I was, ah!

而我，啊！

That was really bad. (both laugh)

這是非常糟糕的。（兩個笑）

- In conclusion,

- 最後：

I would say

我想說

take a lesson from me and do less.

吃一塹長一智

(both laugh)

（兩者笑）

- I feel like it's all part of a rich fabric of life.

- 我覺得這都是豐富的生活結構的一部分。

(Ella laughs) - Yeah, it's a part of

是啊，這是一個部分的。

all these mistakes you're supposed to make,

所有這些錯誤，你應該做的。

I'm told.

我被告知。

- We'll see.

- 等著瞧吧

Catch up with us in 10 years.

10年後再來追尋我們。

- True.

- 沒錯

I'm still gonna go on a hocation.

我還是要去旅遊的。

- Anyways, comment below.

- 總之，在下面評論。

Thank you.

謝謝你了

Goodbye. (Kate laughs)

再見。(凱特笑)

(light instrumental music)

(輕器樂)

(sign squeaks)

（標誌吱吱作響）