when one of them said, “You're wearing that?”

and I immediately spiraled.

Oh my God, what do I say?

I didn't bring anything else. She hates me!

Oh my God. She hates my outfit, she hates me, they all hate me!

Why did I bother thinking I could have any social interaction ever.

Then, every instance in which I have been asked that question

flashed before my eyes like some kind of fashionable death or something.

My mother: “You're wearing that to school?”

My ex-boyfriend: “You're wearing that to dinner?”

Even by my therapist once:

“You're wearing that to a business meeting?”

Yeah, but it's— it's for a cat brand, so it actu— it makes sense, ok.

I'm not going to let you judge me for this.

Not to mention the countless times I myself

have looked into my reflection with utter disdain and wondered,

what the hell am I wearing,

why do I look like this, and why is coordinating outfits so damn hard?

This question is particularly triggering because in three words,

it immediately insights self-doubt, self-consciousness,

insecurity, shame, guilt, and more,

and often, the first time girls will hear it

is from our disapproving parental figures

when we're at that fragile period

of exploring our sexuality and identity.

So, when someone asks me if I'm wearing "that",

I can't help but immediately feel like I've done something wrong.

And some of you may be thinking,

oh my gosh, who cares, like wear whatever you want,

let your freak flag fly—but that's the problem.

I have been, and you know what it's gotten me?

Judgment, lots of judgment, but what's helped

is remembering that though it sounds judgy as hell,

the core of this question comes from a place of concern.

I just don't want you to get harassed by boys.

I just don't want you to be cold...

cuz then you're gonna steal my jacket and then I'll be cold,

but I'll give you my jacket, and I'll be cold, but I don't want to be cold, so—

I just want them to take you seriously at work.

But actually with that context, yeah,

I think they'd appreciate this. Carry on.

And sometimes people don't even realize how offensive it can be

cuz I myself have definitely asked a friend.

Is that what you're wearing?

Is that what you're wearing. Is that what you're wearing?

Is that what you're wearing?

Hell yes, this is what I'm wearing. Do you have a problem with it?

What? No, I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure that

I matched your level of like fanciness or casualness

so that I don't stick out.

Oh ok, sorry. Just got real self conscious there.

Yeah. No, I totally saw those memories flash in front of you, I'm sorry.

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