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  • The temptation, with dealing with anxiety, is always and invariably to focus on the ostensible

  • cause of our worry: the journey to the airport, the forthcoming speech, the letter one is

  • waiting for, the presentation one has to hand inBut if we proceed more psychologically,

  • we might begin in a different place. With great kindness and no disrespect, we may step

  • past the objective content of anxiety and look instead at something else: how the anxious

  • person feels about themselves. An unexpected cause of high anxiety is self-hatred. People

  • who have grown up not to like themselves very much at all have an above average risk of

  • suffering from extremes of anxiety, because if one doesn't think one is worthy, it must

  • follow that the world is permanently and imminently at high

  • risk of punishing one in the way one suspects one deserves. It seems to fit that people

  • may be laughing behind one's back, that one may soon be sacked or disgraced, that

  • one is an appropriate target for bullying and rejection and that persecution and worse

  • may be heading towards us. If things seem to be going well, this must just be the deceptively

  • quiet period before others are about to realise their error and mete out some horrific punishment.

  • For the self-hating, anxiety is a pre-emptive anticipation of the pain one unconsciously

  • feels one is owed; very bad things must and should happen to very bad people. Part of

  • the problem and one of the curious aspects of the way our minds work is that it isn't

  • always clear that one is even suffering from low self-esteem; hating oneself has just become

  • second nature rather than an issue one has the will to rebel against or so much as notice.

  • To tease out the sorrow and start to feel it again (as a prelude to treating it), one

  • might need to fire a few questions at oneself. We've prepared a Self-Esteem Questionnaire 1. Broadly speaking,

  • I like myself as I am. Agree strongly Agree Neither agree nor disagree Disagree Disagree

  • strongly 2. People should be relatively grateful to have me in their lives. Agree strongly

  • Agree Neither agree nor disagree Disagree Disagree strongly 3. If I didn't know me,

  • I'd think I was OK. Agree strongly Agree Neither agree nor disagree Disagree Disagree

  • strongly 4. Growing up, I was given the feeling that I properly deserved to exist. Agree strongly

  • Agree Neither agree nor disagree Disagree Disagree strongly If one finds oneself at

  • the disagreeing end of many such questions, it may be that one is an agitated person not

  • because one has more to worry about but because one likes oneself rather less than normal

  • and certainly less than one fairly should. The cure isn't, therefore, to try to dispel

  • anxieties with logic, it is to try to dispel it with love; it is to remind the anxious

  • person (who may be ourselves) that we are not inherently wretched, that we have a right

  • to exist, that past neglect wasn't deserved, that we should feel tenderly towards oneself

  • and that we need, both metaphorically and probably practically too, a very long

  • hug. The logic of this analysis is truly counter-intuitive. It suggests that when panic next descends,

  • one should not spend too long on the surface causes of the worry and instead, try to address

  • the self-hatred fuelling the agitation. Anxiety is not always anxiety: sometimes it is just

  • a very well-disguised, entrenched and unfair habit of disliking who

  • we are.

  • Out Emotional First Aid Kit provides a set of useful salves to some of life's most challenging psychological situations.

  • Including friendship, love, sex, work and self. Click the link on screen now to find out more.

The temptation, with dealing with anxiety, is always and invariably to focus on the ostensible

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B2 中高級

自我憎惡與焦慮 (Self-Hatred & Anxiety)

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    Summer 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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