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  • You guys seen those like Kumon learning centers in those strip malls, right?

    你們應該都在商店街看過 Kumon 補習班吧?

  • Kumon learning centers, so you guys that don't know, are basically detention camps for young Asian children.

    Kumon 補習班,你們可能不知道,那邊基本上就是亞洲小朋友的集中營啊!

  • You can tell that place is kind of fucked up by the look of its logo.


  • Because it's supposed to be a smiley face, but it's not really smiling.


  • It's just like, "Man."


  • My parents were way too cheap to send me to Kumon, they got a different strategy.

    我爸媽太窮了所以沒辦法送我去 Kumon,但他們另出奇招。

  • They never let me use a calculator until I turned 15, so I can work on my brain function.

    我 15 歲前他們不准我用計算機,好讓我的腦袋能好好發展。

  • That's an old-school Chinese strategy.


  • You know, so when I turned 15, it was a very special occasion.

    所以我 15 歲的時候,那真的是個大事件。

  • It was basically my quinceanera.


  • My dad just gave me a TI-83 Plus.

    我爸給了我一台型號 TI-83 plus 的計算機。

  • And he looked me in the eyes, and he was like, "You're a woman now, okay?"


  • But when you were a kid when your parents tell you can't do something, what do you do?


  • You rebel, right?


  • So when I was 14 years old, I stole my brother's calculator, I stole Roy Roger's calculator, and I locked myself in my room and I started rebelling.

    所以在我 14 歲的時候,我偷了我哥的計算機,我偷了 Roy Rogers (美國知名主持人) 的計算機,然後我把自己反鎖在房間裡,開始「叛逆」。

  • I started doing math homework


  • Other kids were like fucking around with like alcohol and drugs, I was fucking up some problems, you know?


  • Locked myself in a room, I was just punching in numbers, and I was like, "Oh man, this feels great.," you know?


  • It's so wrong, it's awesome.


  • My dad was pissed.


  • He was knocking the other side of the door, he doesn't like locked doors in the house.


  • And he was screaming, he was like, "Jimmy! Jimmy! What are you doing inside?"


  • "Come out right now, I know you're in there using a calculator, come out right now!"


  • I was so scared, I didn't know what to do.


  • And he unlocked the door and he came in, I went into full panic mode.


  • So I just threw away the calculator, and I pulled down my pants.


  • I was like, "Dad, I was just jerking off!"


  • And he came in, and he looked at me and then looked at the math homework.


  • And he was like, "Good, good."


  • "Very good, very good, very good."


  • "You must really like math, that's good."


  • "That's good, keep it up."


  • Because there's nothing, there's nothing that will make your Asian father more proud than to see his son jerk off to his math homework.


You guys seen those like Kumon learning centers in those strip malls, right?

你們應該都在商店街看過 Kumon 補習班吧?

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