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-Listen to this.
A new coffee shop just opened
in Seattle called DreamBoyz Espresso,
where all the baristas are buff, shirtless guys.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Best part is you can order your coffee tall, grande,
or Magic Mike XXL. It's great.
-Oh, oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Colin, Michael Che.
-Jimmy. -What's up?
-Jimmy. -What's going on?
-A coffee shop with shirtless baristas
and that's the best you got, really?
-Tell him, Che.
[ Laughter ]
-Jost, Che, what?
You guys you think you can do better than that?
-Oh, we know we can. Probably.
-Well, you know what that means?
It is time for a good old-fashioned
"Tonight Show" joke-off.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I think we all know the rules.
One more time, a new coffee shop just opened in Seattle
called DreamBoyz Espresso,
where all the baristas are buff, shirtless guys.
And go.
-Beep, beep, beep.
It's 3 bucks for a coffee
and 50 bucks for them to grind your bean.
-Alright, that's good, that's good.
Meep.
Shirtless baristas -- This is great news for everyone
who wishes the strip club played more Norah Jones.
Sorry. [ Laughter ]
-Beep, beep, beep! Trust me.
You don't want to see how they draw a heart in your foam.
[ Laughter ]
-Eh!
Every customer was like, "I'll take one cup of Joe-y."
-Beep.
-All the baristas are buff, shirtless guys?
"I can't wait to check it out," said the health inspector.
[ Laughter ]
-Beep, beep, beep!
-Said Colin, "Please don't tell Scarlett you saw me here."
[ Laughter ]
-Eh!
The Wi-Fi password
is bow-chicka-wow-wow underscore 69.
-Beep!
But I don't recommend this place if you have a nut allergy.
-Oh! Stop, stop, stop, stop.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright, alright, alright, alright.
-Kids are watching this.
-I'll give you that one. I'll give you that one.
Alright, here's the next story.
Several big alcohol companies
say they're working on developing drinkable marijuana.
And go.
-Oh, beep!
And somehow it still gives you cotton mouth.
-Beep, beep, beep.
Of course, all marijuana is drinkable
when the cops pull you over.
-Eh!
Meanwhile, Natural Ice said
they're still trying to develop drinkable beer.
-Beep, beep!
They even got a catchy name for it -- Snoop Dogg's Urine.
[ Laughter ]
-Beep, beep, beep.
If you want to know what drinkable marijuana tastes like,
just take a sip out of Che's mug right now.
-Yes. [ Cheers and applause ]
I'll give him that one.
-It's for my glaucoma.
-Oh, you have glaucoma?
-Glaucoma, yeah, yeah, yeah. Helps him read, yeah.
-Alright, Jost, you got that one.
Alright, last story here.
Iggy Azalea says her upcoming shows will have a twerk pit.
Go.
-Beep, beep.
As in "I entered the twerk pit and nine months later,
you were born."
-Beep, beep, beep!
That's insane. Iggy Azalea has upcoming shows?
[ Laughter, audience groans ]
-Wow.
-Alright, well, it's a twerk pit, twerk pit, alright.
Eh! Fans were like, "Of course, the person with the tallest ass
is right in front of me."
-Beep, beep!
A twerk pit sounds cool, but I bet it smells terrible.
[ Laughter ]
-Beep, beep, beep.
Okay, sure, right.
But when I started twerk pit, I'm banned from Chuck E' Cheese.
-Yeah.
Eh!
So, if you hear people clapping, that's not hands.
There you are, everybody!
-Colin Jost, Michael Che, everybody!
Thank you, guys.
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Joke-Off with Michael Che and Colin Jost

348 分類 收藏
林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 7 月 4 日
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