字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 Halloween is around the corner. Are you excited about that? [APPLAUSE] Yep, right around the corner. It's at the intersection of Not Again Avenue and I Dread It Every Year Street. [LAUGHTER] Each Halloween, I have to dress up on the show. They snuck it into my contract somehow. I shouldn't have to dress up for Halloween anymore. I'm in my mid to late 40s. I don't need to-- [LAUGHTER] I don't know what I'm going to be yet, but I've been doing some research and it looks like they just do a sexy version of anything. And I've talked about this before, but it's really getting out of hand. Apparently, we're running out of things to make sexy. Every year, they take a children's character and then they try to make it-- this is sexy Bert and Ernie right here. [LAUGHTER] They don't really live on Sesame Street, they just work the corner. [LAUGHTER] It's another kid's character they're trying to-- Sexy Mr. Rogers. Looks more like a Hooters waitress with a tie. That doesn't even look like Mr. Rogers. The next one is topical and barely makes sense. This is sexy fake news. There's "Fake" right across-- I don't know if it's referring to the news or the-- Last year I showed you this. This was sexy Dory and I guess it wasn't sexy enough because now I found this this year. Yeah, she's wearing fishnets, you get it? [LAUGHTER] Fishnets. It's a fish. You know what they say, if you can't beat them, join them. So I'm going to sell my own sexy costume this year. It's not sexy Ellen-- I'm already too sexy for TV-- but someone on my staff. It's sexy Average Andy and it comes with a headset and nicotine gum and tighty-whities. [APPLAUSE] It's business on top and average party even down below. Surprise, Andy. Yeah, it's a great surprise. Do you like this? It was a little surprise. You didn't know that was in the script, did you? Sure did not. Aw.