Now Sandra wants the language to sound friendly, but she also wants to keep the language direct and professional.

Let's first look at issues of mechanics, formatting, punctuation and grammar.

I think the formatting of this email needs a couple of changes.

In the first paragraph.

We have a phrase I look forward to hearing from you, which normally appears in the conclusion of a business letter.

So I'm going to cut this out and move it down to the end of the third paragraph and make it the last sentence of the email.

So now we have thank you very much for your attention.

I look forward to hearing from you, which is a very good way to close an email.

We also need to make a few corrections to the grammar of this first paragraph.

Sandra begins by writing.

I should be glad if you review the attached documents.

Now we need to add a motive herb to the main verb, which is review to make it clear that this is a polite request to Emily When we add, Could the phrase becomes if you could review the attached document, which is the verb form we use in English for indirect requests.

Looking at the second sentence we see, Please, can you let me know here?

We need to begin with the motive, Herb, since this is a question.

So let's say, Can you please let me know?

Notice also that Sandra asks if Emily has any inputs, comments and concerns about this document.

These are three words that basically mean the same thing.

So to make her language more concise, I think we should take out the words, inputs and concerns and just say, Can you please let me know if you have any comments?

Now, in the second paragraph, I only see one problem with mechanics.

It's a spelling error.

Or maybe more likely, it's a typing error.

You should be.

Why, oh, you Finally, in the third paragraph, I don't think Sandra needs to use an exclamation point at the end of the word attention.

That creates a very informal style, which is not something that you usually want in a business email.

So let's take the exclamation point out and make it a full stop.

No, let's go back up to the top and look at the style of this email, beginning with the subject line.

I can see one problem right here at the start.

Sandra begins by saying, Please review this document, but we don't know what kind of documents she's referring to is the report.

Is it a memo to other staff members?

We really have no idea.

But unfortunately, we can't fix that because the information is missing from the email.

Let's move on to the first paragraph where we see the same problem.

Sandra doesn't tell us what kind of documents she's talking about.

Apart from that, though, this paragraph seems to be okay.

I think we'll need to make some changes to the second paragraph, though, to make it more formal.

Unless wordy Sandra writes, I will deem that you are okay with the content of the attached document.

Now a word like okay is very informal, and it's not a word that you probably want to use in a business communication.

So let's change this.

Okay to satisfied.

We also don't need to use so many words in this sentence instead of saying I will deem that you are okay with the content of the attached documents.

Let's just say that you are satisfied with the document.

Sandra has already explained that the document is attached to the email so she doesn't need to repeat the word attached in the second paragraph.

And we didn't really need the word content, either.

Okay, let's go through this one more time, starting at the top and look at the tone of this email.

Is it written in a way that's both polite and effective?

Right now, the subject line is much too direct.

Sandra is already making a request to Emily in the body of the email, and we don't need to repeat this request in the subject line to make it less direct and more polite.

We can change the subject line to something like Document four review.

I think the tone of the first paragraph doesn't have any major problems.

However, if we look at the second paragraph, there are certainly some changes we should make.

Look at how Sandra begins this sentence if I don't receive your feedback by five oclock next Wednesday, and she finishes the sentence by saying I will deem that you are satisfied with the document by using a negative verb here.

If I don't receive, she creates a negative feel for the entire sentence.

The emphasis is on what's going to happen.

If Emily doesn't do what Sandra asks, Let's first change the beginning phrase to eliminate the negative verb.

Instead of talking about what Emily shouldn't do, let's talk about how she can help Sandra to improve this document.

We can change this to something like, I would like to receive your feedback i 5 p.m. Next Wednesday by expressing herself this way, Sandra emphasizes what Emily should do to help Sandra do her job and in the second half of the sentence.

Instead of telling Emily what will happen if she doesn't comment on the document, Sandra can explain why Emily's help would be useful.

She can say something like so that I can make any changes.

You feel you are necessary.

Now look at what we've done to the two has of the sentence.

The first phrase I would like to receive your feedback by five PM next Wednesday uses a motel verb wood to make an indirect request to Emily and the second phrase so that I can make any changes.

You feel are necessary.

Explains why she's making the request and how Emily can help her do her job.

Okay, the third paragraph looks pretty good, since we've already made some changes.

Let's take a look at the closing salutation.

Yours sincerely is a little bit formal, and it's not something that you'd normally use in a letter to a colleague.

Let's change it to something more friendly and concise, like regards.

All right, I think we've made all the changes we need to this email.

It now reads more professionally, more clearly and more courteously as well.

So let's hit, Send and get this email out.

Learning Point asking for comments or a review.

Here are some phrases you can use to ask colleagues for suggestions or feedback on a document you've prepared.

I'd be grateful for any comments or suggestions you might have.

I'd like to get some feedback on the report before we send it out.

Please let me know if you'd like to propose any changes.