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  • Wiz: This episode of DEATH BATTLE is brought to you by: go90.

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  • (Cue: Invader - Jim Johnston)

  • Wiz: Sometimes, an archaeologist needs a bit more than a shovel and brush, especially when they're on the hunt for the most legendary of treasure.

  • Boomstick: Yeah, if it were that easy, everyone would be doing it.

  • The best treasure hunters are the ones with the brawn to match their brain.

  • Wiz: Like Lara Croft, the Tomb Raider.

  • Boomstick: And Nathan Drake, seeker of the uncharted.

  • He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

  • Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE.

  • Most people spend their entire lives in pursuit of wealth,

  • status and power. But Lara Croft was lucky enough to be

  • born into them.

  • However, despite attending the best schools and living in her own mansion,

  • she was missing one crucial thing:

  • Adventure.

  • Boomstick: Man, rich people are always looking for

  • some crazy way to help keep themselves entertained.

  • But if you have a lot of money and you take a lot of trips,

  • it's good odds that one of those trips is bound to go horribly wrong.

  • Wiz: And guess what? It did.

  • Boomstick: Before she was even old enough to order a drink,

  • a crash landing left her stranded in desolation.

  • She had to learn how for herself how to adapt and survive

  • for over a week before returning to civilization as a whole new lady.

  • Wiz: In whatever Tomb Raider timeline you're looking at,

  • whether it's on an island or the Himalayas,

  • Lara's destined to this life-changing fate.

  • Boomstick: I'm never getting on a plane with her!

  • Wiz: Surprisingly, Lara's experience left her far from

  • traumatized. Instead, she was inspired,

  • hooked by the thrill of perilous adventure.

  • So she struck out on her own, seeking lost treasure across

  • the globe to make a name for herself.

  • Boomstick: But Lara's no fool. So first she made sure she'd be ready for anything.

  • She tracked down the best teachers she could find to

  • learn her the ways of stealth, survival, and martial arts.

  • Wiz: She became proficient in numerous types of firearms,

  • and her martial art of choice appears very reminiscent to kickboxing.

  • She can even fight while blindfolded!

  • Boomstick: So she's basically Batman who treasure hunts with guns!

  • Speaking of which, Lara is famous for her trademark dual Heckler and Koch pistols.

  • And I'm not talkin' about the things under her sweater.

  • But she's also skilled with shotguns, assault rifles, sub-machine guns, even grenades!

  • And she uses them to take down everything from armed thugs to T-Rexes!

  • Wiz: Lara is also skilled with a competition compound bow, perfect for stealth kills.

  • Boomstick: And she's got enough trick arrows to make Green Arrow proud.

  • She's got fire arrows, poison arrows, explosive tipped arrows, and even rope arrows for crossing gaps or grappling things.

  • And while her climbing axe is supposed to be used for scaling up cliffs, you can imagine what the thing does to a human skull.

  • Oh wait, you don't have to - watch!

  • Mmm, lovely.

  • Wiz: Gruesome murder aside, Lara's extensive training paid off in big ways.

  • She's discovered the legendary blade Excalibur, the Philosopher's Stone, the Ark of the Covenant, Thor's hammer, Mjolnir, and even Bigfoot, whom she also promptly killed.

  • Boomstick: Suck it, Sasquatch, she's survived dinosaurs, the Kraken, a Chinese dragon, and she even found the long lost Led Zeppelin song, "Stairway to Heaven".

  • Wiz: What?

  • No, no, no, she found a literal stairway to Heaven.

  • Boomstick: Really?!

  • Holy shit!

  • Wiz: For a 132-pound woman, she's surprisingly strong.

  • She's held up a heavy gate for thirty-six straight seconds, while drowning. She also regularly pushes around enormous boulders, like the giant blocks in the Pyramid of Giza.

  • This makes her easily strong enough to, say, punch a man through a wooden beam.

  • Boomstick: Lara's also a crack shot. She can precisely tag multiple targets in less than a second, even if they're button-sized bolts or kunai flying through the air.

  • Wiz: She's skilled enough to infiltrate and escape Area 51. She's tenacious enough to take a bullet in the heat of battle and keep fighting.

  • And she's tough enough to dive off a 250-foot cliff into water, with no injury whatsoever.

  • The highest documented dive ever recorded is 193 feet, but unlike Lara, this diver underwent weeks of preparation and still broke his collarbone.

  • Boomstick: Hell, this girl can survive almost anything.

  • When she was younger, she got impaled by a rusty metal spike, and was still able to complete an entire adventure while in constant pain.

  • Wiz: She wasn't even able to properly treat it, she had to cauterize it with a burning arrow tip.

  • Boomstick; Damn, that's hardcore! I think I've found my next ex-wife.

  • And then there was that one time she threw her climbing axe at a helicopter, and it just...it just exploded!

  • Wiz: Yeah, the only logical explanation being she threw the axe into the chopper's air intake, shredded it's internals, which caused a spark that reached it's gas tank...

  • Boomstick: She made the helicopter explode with nothing but an axe!

  • That girl's got one hell of an arm.

  • Wiz: I think we can all agree Lara is a badass, but she thinks so too, and can get a bit reckless.

  • Boomstick: If she gets too full of it, she could always find herself at the wrong end of a tree branch, crushed by boulders, mauled by wolves, shot in the head, stabbed through the face...all sorts of horrific, fatal mistakes.

  • Wiz; Even knowing that, the risk doesn't keep her from any of her bewildering adventures.

  • Lara: Don't you think you've seen enough?

  • Wiz: Sic Parvis Magna. To most people these words hold little meaning.

  • But for globetrotting explorer Nathan Drake, it's his life motto. "Greatness from small beginnings."

  • Boomstick: And beginnings don't get much smaller than his.

  • Little Nate spent half his childhood in a boy's home where he was raised by nuns, picked on by bullies, and pretty much just hated for every second of his life.

  • Wiz: Nathan found solace in his fascination with history, particularly the explorer who found El Dorado: Sir Frances Drake.

  • And like his idol, Nathan dreamed of one day escaping the orphanage to go on treasure hunts of his own.

  • Boomstick: And he did with his big brother Sam.

  • The treasure? Their dead mom's old journals about Mr. Drake himself.

  • Turns out they were in some old lady's house so they broke in, she called the cops and then immediately died of a heart attack.

  • Wiz: Obviously not wanting to be caught trespassing and standing over a dead woman when the police arrived, Nathan began a life on the run.

  • Boomstick: Talk about shitty luck. Man, all he wanted was a book!

  • Wiz: Fortunately, Nathan seemed born for the treasure hunter's life.

  • He's exceptionally athletic, has encyclopedic historical knowledge, and can find a way out of almost any bad situation with his quick wit.

  • Boomstick: He'd make sure that everyone would remember the name: Nathan Drake.

  • Wiz: After several solo adventures, Nathan Drake eventually teamed up with Victor Sullivan, a former Navy officer turned expert con artist.

  • Sully taught Nathan the ways of combat, both with his fists and with firearms.

  • Boomstick: Good thing too, because it seems like everybody out there wants to take a shot at Nate.

  • He almost always has a .45 Defender or 9-millimeter pistol on hand,

  • as well as a couple of grenades. Nate can rack up the body count with just about any weapon he touches,

  • including machine guns, shotguns, grenade launchers and sniper rifles.

  • Hey, when there's a literal army of bad guys out to kill, you gotta become a one man army yourself.

  • Wiz: Ready for anything, Nathan set out to follow in his idol's footsteps and then some.

  • He's discovered five lost civilizations, stopped multiple world ending threats, and even unlocked the secret of El Dorado like Sir Francis Drake before him.

  • Boomstick: Yeah, turns out it's not a city of gold, just a dead guy that turns people into zombies!

  • Didn't see that one coming.

  • Anyway, Nate wouldn't have done any of those things if he weren't physically fit for the job.

  • He's strong enough to move boulders twice his size, and hold up a four ton gate for four seconds.

  • He can climb huge cliffs with nothing but his fingertips, and constantly jumps humongous gaps without needing a running start.

  • Wiz: The standing broad jump world record is twelve feet and three inches.

  • In this instance, Nathan Drake was able to make a nineteen-foot jump from a standstill - nineteen feet!

  • And he's always clearing similar jumps throughout his adventures.

  • Boomstick: Nate's got hops, but he's also got an iron hide.

  • The dude is constantly falling dozens of feet, and just shaking it off, like that time he did a forty-foot belly flop and got right back up like it was nothing. That could kill a normal guy.

  • Wiz: Nathan Drake is nothing if not determined. When he found himself cornered on a train and bleeding out from a bullet wound, his solution was to simply blow the whole thing to oblivion.

  • Boomstick: What a convenient pile of propane tanks.

  • Wiz: But of course, he survived the crash, and even climbed to safety, despite having no way of knowing he'd get out of this whole mess alive at all.

  • Boomstick: On top of all that, look what he's wearing!

  • It's freezing up there!

  • Wiz: Actually, explosions seem to be his exit of choice, like when he blew up a cargo plane while flying over Saudi Arabia.

  • Boomstick: After surviving the trip to the ground, he wandered the desert for two straight days with zero food or water.

  • But even with all that, when he found a bunch of mercenaries who wanted to kill him, he was still able to fight them off.

  • How is this guy real? What kind of deal did he make with Satan? 'Cause he should know that that stuff comes with a terrible price.

  • Believe me.

  • Wiz: All of this just proves how careless and haphazard Nathan really is.

  • This man rarely, if ever, has a plan for anything at any point. Nearly every moment of his life, whether he's in or out of danger,

  • Nathan's philosophy insists that he simply roll with whatever punches come his way.

  • When it comes down to it, much of his survivability can be chalked up to an abundance of good luck.

  • Boomstick: And also, his incredible knack for improvising and adapting.

  • Lucky or not, hundreds, if not thousands of bad guys have tried to beat him to some treasure, and lost.

  • It's good odds that if you go up against Nathan Drake, you're not just gonna lose that treasure - you're gonna lose your life.

  • Chloe Frazer: What the hell did you do back there?

  • Nathan: Oh, you know...saved the world.

  • Wiz: All right, the combatants are set.

  • Let's end this debate once and for all!

  • Boomstick: But first, I'm gonna tell you how to save your relationship.

  • Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching and you're probably still looking for a gift for your significant other or love interest.

  • Or maybe you're like me and want a festive way to deliver this month's alimony check.

  • Well, there's an easy foolproof solution: ProFlowers.com,

  • a service that lets you choose from an assortment of lovely bouquets; then select the delivery day and ProFlowers will deliver 'em.

  • Plus, the flowers are guaranteed to last for seven days or your money back.

  • Lookin' at your wallet right now?

  • Well, good news! As a DEATH BATTLE viewer, you can get two dozen assorted roses with a free glass vase for $29.99

  • by heading to ProFlowers.com. Click on the microphone in the top right corner and enter promo code: DEATHBATTLE.

  • Or if you want to go the extra mile, upgrade the delivery to two dozen long-stemmed roses with free premium vase and chocolates for an additional $9.99.

  • So head to ProFlowers.com, click the microphone in the upper right hand corner and enter promo code: DEATHBATTLE.

  • But right now...IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

  • Nathan: Damn! It's cold up here.

  • Okay! Let's try...

  • Heh, aha! Got ya!

  • Lara: Stop!

  • Turn around...

  • Slowly.

  • Nathan: Ah, crap!

  • Hey there...I'm guessing the whole "finder's keepers" rule isn't gonna apply...?

  • Lara: Cut the chit-chat! The grail is coming with me.

  • Either walk away, or die right here.

  • Choose wisely!

  • Nathan: Okay, missy.

  • First rule about me:

  • I DON'T walk away.

  • Announcer: FIGHT!!

  • Nathan: Ugh, it never fails! I get to the gold at the end of the rainbow and somebody tries to kill me!

  • Haha! Huh, not a scratch!

  • Lara: Do you know what you've DONE?

  • Nathan: That's probably not good.

  • Okay! That's DEFINITELY not good!

  • Crap!

  • Lara: Sorry! Have to do what I have to do.

  • Nathan: Ah, crap!

  • Lara: Hmm, not a scratch!

  • Announcer: K.O.!

  • Boomstick: Ho ho, nice shot!

  • Told you she had a good arm!

  • Wiz: Lara and Nathan have both displayed impressive feats of strength, durability, agility and weapon skills.

  • But Lara tended to have the edge in every category.

  • Boomstick: Both of them were way stronger than you'd think.

  • Nathan shoved a boulder large enough to weigh twenty tons.

  • That means he literally had the strength of ten men.

  • Wiz: But in Lara's case, she moved several limestone blocks used in the Great Pyramids.

  • Not only did she move them much farther distances than Nathan, but given their size and makeup, these blocks should weigh over twenty seven tons each.

  • Boomstick: Lara's way tougher, too, and has been through things that definitely would've taken Nate out.

  • Wiz: Like when she was impaled by rebar, but was still able to accomplish everything necessary to survive a hostile island for a week.

  • Nathan suffered a bullet wound in the same area of the body, and while he powered through the pain for a short time, he soon passed out and was unconscious while under intensive care for three days.

  • Boomstick: Take my word for it, I've been through pretty much everything you could think of, and I'd rather take a bullet than rebar any day.

  • And that rebar thing happened when Lara was pretty young.

  • Later, she got all sorts of combat and survival training from experts, while Nate was mostly self-taught, with a few pointers every so often from a con man.

  • Also, when the pressure's really on, Lara manages to always keep a cool head, much better than Nate.

  • Elena Fisher: So, you got a plan C?

  • Nathan: Yeah, floor it.

  • Elena: What?

  • Nathan: I'm getting on that train.

  • Elena: What, are you crazy?

  • Wiz: Nathan Drake did just about everything by the seat of his pants, and eventually, luck always runs out.

  • Boomstick: Yeah, she was just too croft-y for him.

  • Wiz: The winner is: Lara Croft.

  • Boomstick: NEXT TIME ON DEATH BATTLE!

  • Life is like a hurricane, here in Duckburg, race cars, lasers, aeroplanes. ♫

  • Ben: Hey guys, thanks for tuning in to our Season 4 premiere. I'm Ben - I play Wiz.

  • Chad: I'm Chad - I play Boomstick.

  • Ben: And next time we've got Scrooge McDuck versus...

  • Well, you gotta find out by sticking to our Twitter - that's at @Screwattack, or our Facebook - OfficialSA.

  • Chad: And if you wanna be the First to watch DEATH BATTLE, you can always become a first member by clicking the link in the description below and start a 30-day free trial.

  • It's a great way to support the show. Thanks.

Wiz: This episode of DEATH BATTLE is brought to you by: go90.

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Lara Croft VS Nathan Drake (Tomb Raider VS Uncharted) | 死亡之戰! (Lara Croft VS Nathan Drake (Tomb Raider VS Uncharted) | DEATH BATTLE!)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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