For a spoiler-free version, click here.

想看無劇透版本，點這裡

Just come back and watch the real version when you’re all caught up…

在你們全都追完之後記得回來觀看真正的版本

wuss!

膽小鬼！

From fiction’s most notorious serial killer,

從科幻小說中惡名昭彰的連環殺人犯

comes the TV adaptation

變成電視上一系列改編自

of the medieval encyclopedia/ Dungeon Master’s Guide/porno

中世紀百科全書/ 兼地窖指南/ 兼A片

that is… Game of Thrones.

這就是...冰與火之歌 權力遊戲

God, that song’s cool!

天啊這主題曲真好聽！

Get ready for the show that has viewers of the edge of their seats,

準備好來看這部讓人坐立難安

wondering what will happen next,

不知道劇情會如何發展

and as people who’ve read the books acting all smug because they already know.

看過原著的人會沾沾自喜覺得自己什麼都懂的影集了嗎

It’s the abusive show

這根本是在演世間情

you keep watching no matter how many times it hurts you.

不管爛梗用了多少次你還是會繼續看

How long do I have to look?

我還需要看多久？

Full of disturbing imagery like…

充滿擾人思緒的畫面像是...

incest,

亂倫

beheadings,

斷頭

attempted child murder,

企圖殺害孩童

more incest…

數不清的亂倫...

And that’s just the first episode!

而這些都只是第一季而已！

Travel to Westeros,

跋涉到威斯特洛

a place where everything is the thing of nouns.

一個所有東西都需要名號的地方

The Hand of the King.

國王之手

– Light of the Seven. – Brienne of Tarth.

- 破滅之七神 -塔斯之布蕾妮

– Lord of Bones. – Lord of Light.

- 骸骨之王 - 光之王

– Master of Coin. – Mother of Dragons.

- 財政之臣 - 龍之母

– Son of Dolf. – Son of Fire!

- 多夫之子 - 火之子

– Warrior of Light. – Bank of Braavos.

- 光之戰士 - 步拉佛斯之財庫

Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North.

臨冬城之主還有北境之王

Watch as everyone fights to sit in the world’s most uncomfortable chair,

看大家為坐上世界第一難坐的椅子互相殘殺

while completely ignoring an invasion of ice zombies

還完全忽視冰凍殭屍的逆襲

that threatens to kill them all.

他們威脅要殺死大家耶

Seriously, someone should really get on that!

說真的，應該要有人去處理一下啊！

Meet unforgettable heroes,

來看看難忘的英雄們

who were still alive when we wrote this Honest Trailer.

長命到我們在拍這段劇透他們都還沒死

Jon Snow,

瓊恩雪諾

a mopey bastard who doesn’t know anything.

一個什麼都不知道又悶悶不樂的私生子

You know nothing, Jon Snow.

你什麼都不知道，瓊恩雪諾

Tyrion Lannister, a character who’s so awesome.

提犁昂蘭尼斯特，一個超讚的角色

Imp slap!

小惡魔之呼巴掌

Peter Dinklage will get every good dwarf role until he dies,

彼得汀克萊傑在死之前必會得到所有很棒的侏儒角色

or Warwick Davis kills him.

除非瓦威克戴維斯把那些角色奪走

And Daenerys Targaryen,

還有丹妮莉絲坦格利安

a super hot queen obsessed with her dragons.

一個神著迷於龍的火辣女王

Where are my dragons?

我的龍呢？

She’s out for vengeance against the people who killed her family.

她正展開一場被滅族之後的復仇之旅

Eventually…

最終...

One of these days…

有天...

Can we just fast-forward to that part?

我們可以快轉嗎？

Watch as these heroes struggle

看這些英雄們拚命

to end the reign of King Justin Bieber.

就為了把七國之王小賈斯丁搞下台

Leave her face.

別傷到他的臉

I like her pretty.

我喜歡她臉乾乾淨淨的

God, if he doesn’t die this season,

天啊要是他這季還不死

I’m gonna fucking kill him myself!

我他媽自己殺了他！

Fucking hate that kid!

恨死那屁孩了！

Ride along on an adventure

一段演的夠長夠久的冒險旅程

where any lead character can die.

就是各個主演死了都沒差的意思

Whether you’re Sean Bean,

不管你是西恩賓

Sean Bean’s wife,

還是他老婆

Sean Bean’s best friend,

他麻吉

Sean Bean’s son,

他兒子

Sean Bean’s daughter-in-law,

他媳婦

Sean Bean’s family dogs,

他家的狗

or Sean Bean’s unborn grandkid.

還是他未出世的孫子

All men must die…

所有人都必須死...

who are in any way close to Sean Bean.

靠近西恩賓的人都得死

So begin the epic journey, so long and complicated,

史詩般漫長的旅途展開，又長又複雜

we hope the creator doesn’t eat himself to death

我們希望編劇在還沒寫完劇本之前

before he’s finished writing it.

不會先把自己給殺了

And settle in for a show with so many monologues,

一齣塞滿爆多獨白的影集

HBO will desperately try to keep your attention

HBO一定會想儘辦法好讓你專注到不行

by any boobs necessary.

有必要就露個奶奶

Not that I’m complaining.

要知道我並不是在抱怨

Boobs!

奶子！

Starring the ten characters whose names you actually remember.

十個你絕對記得起名字的角色

And all these other characters whose names you actually don’t remember.

跟一堆你完全記不起名字的角色

Like the sneaky guy.

像這個奸詐小人

The sneaky bald guy.

這個奸詐又光頭的小人

Carl Drago.

卡洛追歌（發音錯誤）

Those Gay Dudes.

這兩位同性戀

Lord Friend Zone.

被發好人卡的

Grumpy Old Dad.

爛脾氣老爸

That’s the same person, right?

這是同一個人對吧

Sand- San- Sansa?

沙...珊莎？

Bronn?

布朗？

Bran?

布蘭？

Bronn again?

又是布朗？

Sam? No, Sam’s the fat one from Lord of the Rings.

山姆？不對，山姆是魔戒裡面那隻肥的

She’s the one who had a demon baby!

她是那個生了惡魔嬰兒的！

That’s the guy that got his dick cut off.

他是雞雞被切掉的那個

I don’t remember her name, but she’s super hot.

我忘記她叫啥了，但她超級辣

That’s Tyrion’s hooker girlfriend!

這是提犁昂的妓女女友！

Hodor! That’s Hodor!

啊多！這是啊多！

Now, you’re just messing with me.

現在你只是在耍我了

No idea.

不知道

Faceless Assassin! That guy’s awesome!

無臉刺客！這傢伙超帥的！

Not a clue.

不知道

Dunno.

母災

I got nothin’.

完全不知道

None of these are ringing a bell.

沒一個記得起來的

Go make up your own names, nerds!

快去掰個名字來用吧阿宅們

Game of Thrones.

冰與火之歌 權力遊戲

It’s kinda like a history test, but with dragons

這有點像歷史考試，只是多了幾隻龍

and boobs!

和幾顆奶！

If you put any spoilers in the comments, I’ll kill you.

如果你在底下留言劇透，我會殺了你

But to all my book bros: R + L = J.

但我的書迷朋友們： R + L = J

You know what I’m talking about.

你知道我在說什麼

A Lannister always subscribes.

蘭尼斯特家族有影片必訂閱

So click that button now.

所以快點下去

Hey, Screen Junkies! Wanna see me act stupid?

阿宅們，想看我更多搞笑影片嗎？

Then click the box above to see the epic drive-thru voice prank.

想就點上面的按鈕看我經典的得來速惡作劇

The more times you share it, the more money we raise for charity.

分享的越多次，我們就向慈善機構捐出越多錢