Okay, so I've been sick for a couple days.

看一下我不在的的時候發生了什麽事...

I'm still sick.

你要看看傑克.保羅的MV，他嗆爆你了！

Let's see what has happened while I was gone.

傑克.保羅嗆爆你了...

[reads on-screen] "U need to see jake paul's music video, he dissed u"

天啊傑克.保羅嗆爆pewds了!

[Continues to read tweets aloud] Jake Paul dissed you~!

這MV好~~

"Holy sh!t Jake Paul roasting Pewdiepie"

狂~~~~

"Thats soooo lit (emojis)"

啊~!!!!

[PewDiePie Screams]

你最好小心點team10來找你了!

"U better watch out, team 10 is coming for you~ (emoji)"

不!

PewDiePie: NOO!

不可能...不會是傑保...究竟有多糟糕?

[shaky breathing]

他..他說了甚麼，他在MV説了甚麼!?

Not JP, not JP.

*拎北在YouTube六個月~打敗其他YouTuber~ 下個就是pewdiepie~*

How bad is it?

不~~~~ (ﾟДﾟ)

HOW?

我還在生病耶這太讓我生氣了，冷靜Felix，我賭是這狗娘養的......是他毒害我的!

What did he say?

肯定是那狡猾的保傑一直向我下毒... 狗娘養的! (ﾟДﾟ)

WHAT DID HE SAY IN HIS VIDEO?

呃...我們還未看完...

JP: "5 Mil on YouTube in six months

我們必須把整個MV看完.... 首先...保傑是他媽的誰?

Never done before

傑克保羅是哪根葱?我完全不知道! 他很開心、經常吃東西..

Passed all the competition, man, PewDiePie is next!"

也飾演迪士尼頻道中的Dirk...哦所以他是個迪士尼演員

PewDiePie: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

那不就好棒棒

[lightly hits wall]

應該不會廢到哪去吧...那就去看看吧...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*牙*

AGHHHH, this makes me so angry!

雖然完全沒有意義， 但他開頭 “牙” 的真的很好聽..（笑）

I'm still sick, calm down Felix, ah that son of a bich. (Christia

我盡量不會...每過半秒就停頓一次

I bet he's the one that poisoned me.

*牙*

Oh, I bet it was JP all along.

...但那的確是一個好的 “牙” 我們是要懂得欣賞的...

That sleek son of a bich!

那是一個好聽的的 “牙”...

[grunts]

*我不知道接下來會發生什麼寶貝 這是team10*

We haven't watched this whole thing yet!

*在洛杉磯的加利(福尼亞)男孩 *

We have to see the whole thing.

*可是我是從俄亥俄州來的 白人男孩* (協力譯者：到底在公三小)

First of all who the f*ck is JP?

...等等那是浮水印嗎? 他們沒買版權嗎?

Who the f*ck Is Jake Paul?

你們應該知道有網站可以播放這些饒舌音樂吧？

I don't know.

...是免費的哦

I ha- he has fun, okay.

*audiojungle*

He eats food.

還能聽出有版權的聲音耶

He's Dirk from Disney Channel!

*audiojungle*

Okay so he's a Disney Channel...

*每天我都有迪斯尼頻道的流量*

One of these Disney Channel actors, that's cool.

其實...我很高興我們終於把整個他媽的 迪士尼頻道都趕走了...

Can't be that bad.

你可能不知道我在迪斯尼頻道... 要怎麽說你們才會明白呢..

Let's listen.

每天都有迪士尼頻道的流量~!

JP: Ya.

*拎北在YouTube六個月， 有5百萬訂閲~打敗其他YouTuber~下個就是pewdiepie~*

PewDiePie: Always appreciate a good "ya" at the beginning of a song, uh, for no reason.

他表示我不是他的對手

[chuckles]

因爲他打敗了所有其他的競爭對手， 所以他基本上把我無視了？..等一下...

I'm going to- going to try not to pause every- every millisecond of this song, but...

他好像沒有無視我耶.. 我真的很困惑， 其實JP你需要那個 重重重...

JP: Ya.

...重重 重申一下你自己 @_@

PewDiePie: That is a good "ya." We have to appreciate that-

*打敗其他YouTuber~下個就是pewdiepie~*

[stuttering] that's- that's a good-- that's a good "ya."

媽的，我的手又開始抖了...該死的

[music plays again]

JP你這狗娘養的..

[indistinguishable audio watermark]

你怎麼敢?!

PewDiePie: Is it the watermark? They didn't buy that loop?

你怎麼敢用我的名字放到你的影片裡?!

PewDiePie: Like, you play some rap music right, that's free...

你怎麼敢~?!

[different track]

*拎北爽賺支票領不完，有一隻全新的勞力士， 我們一起上了藍寶堅尼，還跟其他成員集合。*

[audio watermark]: "AudioJungle"

*我們是team10，婊子誰會有空理睬你們。*

See? AudioJungle.

* 如果我的成員沒有料，我會把他們踢出去，沒錯我就在説你。*

What the f*ck is it?

*你就在乞求著關注* （譯者：幹這首歌好北爛，pewds 也受不了了）

[indistinguishable audio watermark]

這首歌聽起來...

[Laughing]

聽起來好像完全沒有節奏... 可能聽起來很可惡.....

[AUDIOJUNGLE]

但其實JP做的是說唱的一種新形式： 他是故意把這首歌唱的跟狗屎沒兩樣的 :^ )

PewDiePie: I'm glad, I'm glad we got the whole Disney Channel thing out of the way from the first fucking line.

* 如果我的成員沒有料，我會把他們踢出去，沒錯我就在説你。*

[Laughing]

*你就在乞求著關注*

"Hey guys, in case you don't know,

沒-錯-我-就-在-説-你...

"I'm on Disney Channel.

你-就-在-乞-求-著-關-注---原來這就是唱饒舌音樂的技巧？我只需要說一堆詞...

"How can I say that in a way that make sense--

（只求押韻） 聼起來要很怪...我絕沒在吸毒...嗯...我就喜歡拍...

"Uh, everyday bro, Disney Channel

拍那個屁股...沒-錯-我-就-在-説-你...

FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!"

...這真的難以置信

PewDiePie: He's saying... that I'm not his competition because he said he

這種饒舌技巧需要非凡的技巧， 你必須要有超人的智慧、

passed all his competition which basically puts me-

你必須要天生慧根、 你要用多年去磨練、多年的訓練、

Where does that put me, actually?

你必須要在推特上亂吠、還需要各式各樣的狗屎技巧

PewDiePie: I'm really confused. J-- JP, you're gonna have to

而JP就是這方面的專家了

[Stuttering] re- re- re- re-it- iter- re-eter- itter -itur- ate?

因為他平常就是食這些狗屎的... (XD）

REITERATE

*我們是team10，婊子誰會有空理睬你們。如果我的成員沒有料，我會把他們踢出去，沒錯我就在説你。*

it- [shakes hands aroound]

*你就在乞求著關注，在推特亂吠*

F*ck, I got the shakes again.

* 但你昨晚在 4:52 打給我，我還有你的短訊證明*

Goddamnit!

我完全不明白這歌詞在表達什麽... 是在説他的前女友嗎？

J.P. You son of a b*tch!

那個...過去的就不要再提了好嗎...

How DARE YOU?!

他簡直是天才， 所以這首歌是在嗆他前女友的嗎？

How DARE you use my name in the video!

這就是本來是要嗆我的MV嗎？ 因爲歌詞好像是他跟他女友吵架哦？

HOW DARE YOU?!?

*你那晚在 4:52打給我，我還有你的短訊證明， 還有錄音證明~*

PewDiePie: That- it may sound here like that

*別逼我告訴他們真相。*

his flow is all off, hey, it may s-

（笑）

it may sound completely terrible. But really here, what

天啊，他...他

JP is doing is a new form of rapping, it's meant to sound like shit.

如果她跟JP分手，他一定會發瘋哦! 還有那些“錄音證明”~ >w< 那些歌詞...

PewDiePie: [tries to wrap like JP]

...那些歌詞一定會對她造成心理創傷的... 每個詞語、每一句句子、

"Yeah I'm talking about you, you begging

、他每個面部表情都具有意義， 它們講述了一個令人難以置信的故事

for attention, is this how you rap, you just say a bunch of words, and this

*你那晚在 4:52 打給我，我還有你的短訊證明， 還有錄音證明，別逼我告訴他們真相。*

sounds totally wack, and, uh-- I swear I'm not on crack and I-- I just like to smack that

*拎北的新商品售賣的像“教堂”一樣*

booty back, yeah and I'm talking about you."

“喂，順帶一提我也在賣些新貨哦！” 哈，他剛才在歌詞抱怨他女友...

PewDiePie: It's absolutely incredible,

...他突然又在自我推銷... “我在賣新商品哦！現在賣的很“教堂”啊！”

this sort of rapping takes incredible skills; it takes intellect, it takes

什麽是“教堂”？...呃...就是那個宗教的會堂啊~

talent, it takes years of grinding, years of training, years of preparation, it

“...你是智障嗎？ “教堂”也沒聽過哦？”

takes talking sh!t on Twitter, it takes all kinds of sh- it takes so much shit-

“我的商品賣的很“教堂”？” 他們很明顯已經對歌詞沒有頭緒了。

[Pause]

“喂，那個，我們新推出新商品哦。”

and- and- and- Jake Paul will know because he eats food.

“它們賣的很...等一下...有什麽跟“商品”押韻？ ...有了！“教堂”！他們賣的很“教堂”！”

PewDiePie: I don't understand what the f*ck is happening here, is he talking about his ex or some

* 拎北的新商品售賣的像“教堂”一樣*

sh*t like that? Please- please let that- okay, I mean, it's-

*我們來自俄亥俄州，就像口香糖那麽有趣...*

it's genius! That's what it is, it's really-- did he make this just for this, is this

...我現在有點想死

why I'm reacting to this? Because he argues with his girlfriend?

我不是開玩笑的哦我希望我的病快點了結我...我選擇死亡。我不想了解這破事。

[Chuckles]

我真的不想再聼下去了...

PewDiePie: Damn, damn, he goes-- J-- if JP breaks up

*我們在開槍，還去了紋身因爲很有趣。*

with you, he goes hard- "And all the recordings too!" It is-- that is lyrical--

那個在他大腿的紋身該不會是屌吧？

mind blast. There's meaning behind every syllable, every line...

*想來點樂趣就紋得身，我跑的像博爾特那麽快*

(Short pause)

*試試抓住我啊，我是無法被超越的。第一是我JAKE PAUL的*

...Every facial expression tells an incredible story!

*老兄這就是我的日常（VLOG）(x3)*

PewDiePie: [Chuckle] "Oh, and by the way I just

*我說這就是老子的日腸！！！*

dropped some new merch!!!"

啊啊啊~

[Sad pause]

那個是什麽?

Oh, he b*tches about his girlfriend for like-- for a couple

那那那個是什麽?!

lines and then, "Oh, by the way, got new merch, it's selling like a 'god Church.'"

那是什麽東西!?

PewDiePie: What is a god Church?

他真的很完美

Uhhhhh, it's the church with the God in it, what do you think?

我這一生沒看過那麽漂亮的男人

Oh, what are you stupid? A "god Church," you never heard one of those?

*沒錯，我能會饒舌， 但我不是黑人貧民區來的~* （註: 美國有一堆黑人饒舌歌手）

It's selling like a "god Church."

*英國是我的城市(?)*

I love how they clearly got stuck here.

wwwwwwwww

"Hey, hey, okay, alright we got-- I dropped some new merch,

那~那啊~啊~

how it's selling like a-- what rhymes with merch?

英國~英國~

Uhhhh, church, it's selling like a CHURCH!!"

*崩潰中*

PewDiePie: Legit like I wish that illness killed me now, I- I'm not

嗯~哦~英國是你的城市哦~

joking at all, I want to die, I want to I want to be dead now, I don't want to--

噢~不~

I don't want to, no, no-- I don't want it anymore.

哦我知道了！你是弱智！

PewDiePie: Did he get a tattoo of a d*ck on his leg?

嗯~我最愛的城市是地球哦！

PewDiePie: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

*我不是黑人貧民區來的~ 英國是我的城市~*

WHAT IS THAT?!

*懶得翻譯的無意義歌詞* 注： 假如我沒有在TEAM10的話 那老美就會亂糟糟

*small pause*

*下一段就交給嗆司 因為你知道我們超屌* (不慌，協力譯者來了)

WHAT IS--?!

我注意到 那個胖子的體積真的很龐大

W H A T I S T H A T ? !

夾克都快要被他弄破了...它只剩下一絲氣息了...

???? ?? ???? ??????!!

*老兄這就是我的日常（VLOG）(x3)*

PewDiePie: ..He's absolutely perfect

*老子的日腸!!!!!!!!!!!**

I've never seen a more beautiful man in my entire life.~

*喲，我是Tessa Brooks，這場競爭已經開始，我已經釣到他們了~*

ENGLAND IS MY CITY! (???)

* 讓我教育你一下*

[About to enter a fit of laugher]

好的，她將會教育我們

PewDiePie: Nooooo.....oooo

* 我不是用教科書的哦~*

England...

任何這樣說話的人 我真的不想讓他來教育我......XD

ENGLAND

“讓我教育你~”

[Moan]

“我不是用教科書!!!!的哦~~”

Ohhhhh! England is your city...

其實我最愛JP的原因...

O H N O

我最愛JP的原因,是他成功了仍然很謙虛。

Oh no- oh-- you're retarded.

*對，他們全都抄襲了我，但他們都是山寨的垃圾。*

[groan] Ughhhhhhh!

*瞧我都穿設計師品牌 大家問我賺多少 我回答10再加六個0。*

Err-- my cit- ci- city is the whole planet--

*我們明天再見，因爲這是我的日腸啊~再見。*

ｅｎｇｌａｎｄ ｉｓ ｍｙ ｃｉｔｙ

我認爲此歌已經扼殺了我， 我從來沒有像現在這麼渴望死亡。

PewDiePie: I like how he, uh, he's so fat that he straight-up

請不要叫救護車，我不會再歸來了，這結束了...

destroyed this jacket. Like, look how it's hanging by literally its last thread.

那個...感謝大家一直以來支持我...

PewDiePie: Okay, she's gonna educate us.

一起看看其他人對此MV的看法吧...

PewDiePie: Well, anyone that talks like that-

*路人甲*: 他歌詞都有打在影片上，真不錯

I don't want

*pewds*: 對啊，他們完全不需要加字幕啊 *路人乙*: 那些歌詞全都吻合........

Them to educate me

*pewds*: 供三小？ *路人乙*: 那些歌詞全都吻合了........ *pewds*: 吻合了什麽???@_@

[Laughs]

你不能突然這樣説的，你弄到我很好奇啊...説話啊！ *路人乙*: 那些歌詞全都吻合了........0_0

PewDiePie: "Let me educate ya

*路人乙*: @_@ *你白癡哦?* *pewds*: 我覺得大家能從這取得一些靈感...

and we ain't talking

失陪一下，我先去自殺了...額...

????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*牙*

What I love most of all about JP is that-- is besides

小時候我媽跟我說: “那個小子只會霸凌別人，將來一定沒有出息。” 照片中沒出息的就是小時候霸凌過我的那個人，沒有在唬爛的。“

all his success, he remains humble.

Jake Paul: Yes they all copy me, but that's some shitty clones

PewDiePie: *burps* I think this song has killed me. (me too.)

I wanna die more than I've ever died before. Someone

please-

DON'T call an ambulance

Let me just-

-Never return. This is it guys,

I'm- I- it's been great, it's been great.

Let's see what some other people thought about JP's wonderful song--

[Random British boy #1] I like how the lyrics are on screen, man.

PewDiePie: oh, ah-oh tha-that's always a plus in a rap song.

[Random British boy #2] The lyrics just match like....

PewDiePie: The what?

[#2] The lyrics just match like... [Then his brain stopped]

PewDiePie: The lyrics just match WHAT? You can't just say that

and then say nothing, please say something else!

"You are retard"

PewDiePie: I think we all can draw some inspiration from that.

Now excuse me while I'm going to kill myself-- ah [YA]

[crappy 'Why Can't We Be Friends' instrumental]

[Keemstar sighs]