If I shit myself, and we crash, maybe it will act as a rudimentary air bag and I'll be the only survivor.

如果我失禁，我們墜機了，也許我的屎尿可以被當成最低配版的安全氣囊，我就會是唯一生還者。

No don't do that, just stay calm, you'll be fine.

不，還是別這樣做，保持冷靜，你會沒事的。

What is that on the wings, sticky tape?

機翼上的那是什麼，膠帶嗎？

British Airways would never put sticky tape on the wings, this is simply outrageous.

英國航空才不會在機翼上貼膠帶，那簡直是瘋了。

Maybe I can just get off, they can't keep me on here against my will and....Oh, no, I'm definitely going to die.

也許我可以直接下機，他們不能違反我的意願把我困在這裡⋯⋯噢不，我絕對會死掉。

Jesus Christ, no one is going to live if we crash from this height.

老天爺啊，如果我們從這高度墜機，沒有人能活。

Did he just say catastrophic engine failure?

他剛剛是說災難性的引擎事故嗎？

I'm pretty sure that's exactly what he just said.

我很確定他剛剛就是那樣說。

Maybe if I just grip the armrest really hard I can hold the plane together.

或許我很用力地抓住扶手，就可以穩固機身。

Probably not, but maybe I'll just keep doing it anyway.

可能沒用，但我還是繼續抓著好了。

Why is no one else bothered by this?

為什麼沒人被這困擾？

It's like cows in a slaughterhouse except without the mooing.

就像在屠宰場的一群牛，但沒有哞哞聲。

Where does the pee go now?

尿液會去哪裡？

Does it get sucked out?

會被吸出去嗎？

What if it sucks all the air out too and we all suffocate?

如果馬桶也把空氣吸乾，我們會不會都窒息？

I don't want to suffocate, maybe I'll just leave it there.

我不想窒息，也許我就別沖水了。

No you can't just leave it, next we'll all be reading Gawker and shitting in the street.

不行，你不能把尿這樣放著，不然我們接著就只會看八卦媒體、直接在街上大小便了。

Oh that's not that bad at all, JESUS CHRIST, what the hell is that on the window?

噢，其實沒那麼糟，我的老天爺，窗戶外面那是什麼鬼？

I have literally no idea but it's probably fatal.

我完全不知道那是什麼，但可能很致命。

Are the wings wobbling, why are the wings wobbling, do wings wobble?

機翼是在搖晃嗎？機翼為什麼在搖晃，機翼會搖晃嗎？

Probably just before they snap off.

可能在斷掉前才會搖晃吧。

Oh good, the electrics have failed, have they?

噢很好，電力斷了，是吧？

Well, I guess they weren't vital to flying the plane.

好吧，我猜電力對飛機來說不是很重要。

If you're listening, Jesus, I appreciate you're probably quite angry about the...drugs and that girl and the butt stuff last week, but I swear if you land the plane I'll believe in you, I absolutely promise, or if you're Jewish or Hindu or whatever, that's fine too, sign me up, just oh god please land the plane and I promise I'll...

上帝，如果你在聽的話，我很感激你，儘管你可能還對我使用毒品、我跟那個女生的事、或上週的屁股事件生氣，但我發誓如果你讓這架飛機安全降落，我會相信你，我保證，不管你是猶太裔或印度教或什麼，我都信，讓我參一咖，拜託啊就拜託你了，讓飛機安全降落，我發誓我會⋯⋯

Hehe, nice try Jesus you statistically improbable...twat.

嘿嘿，想得美啊上帝，你這機率上不存在的⋯⋯討厭鬼。