In that fleeting moment, you have a choice: keep going about your day

OR - ask what's on their mind.

These small, daily crossroads may seem insignificant,

but the choices you make while interacting with your partner

could, over time, make or break your relationship.

The sigh is what relationship researchers

Drs. John and Julie Gottman

would call a BID for connection.

Bids can be small or big,

verbal or nonverbal.

We can choose to TURN TOWARDS our partners in these moments

and accept their bids.

Or TURN AWAY from them

and ignore their bids.

The Gottmans have spent 4 decades

studying thousands of couples to answer the question:

What separates the relationship Masters from the relationship Disasters?

They found a critical difference

in how each type of couple responds to bids for connection.

In these moments, Masters turn towards each other 86% of the time.

Disasters turn towards each other only 33% of the time.

A tendency to turn towards your partner

forms the basis of trust,

emotional connection,

passion,

and a satisfying sex life.

When couples break up,

it's usually not because of big issues like conflict or infidelity.

More often,

it's a result of the resentment and distance that build up over time

when partners continually turn away from bids for connection.

So take a page from the relationship Masters' playbook.

Notice when your partner makes a bid.

Show interest,

ask questions,

nod,

listen,

and put away your screens.

Choose to turn towards your partner.