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  • - I hate the government telling me what to do.

  • It's like I'm 12 again, and they're my lame mom, grounding me because I stole the car and crashed it into a bush!

  • With everyone stuck at home all the time, people keep saying they don't even know what day of the week it is anymore.

  • Well, I do.

  • It's not that hard, people.

  • Today is...

  • (ominous underscore)

  • People usually keep their distance from me anyway.

  • I don't need social distance rules to help me with that.

  • I mean, check this out.

  • (pulsating sci-fi sound)

  • I'm gonna need you all to stay six feet away from me.

  • A full six feet.

  • Don't be like guys on dating apps, who say they're six feet, but they're really five foot nine.

  • I may have fake coughed on the last pack of toilet paper at the store, so that everyone else would back off and let me have it.

  • And yes, technically I could be charged with terrorism for doing that.

  • But you know what?

  • I am tired of using paper towels.

  • My tush can't tolerate it.

  • I've seen all the videos of musicians around the world performing from their balconies for their neighborhoods.

  • And it inspires me!

  • Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred mi-- ♪

  • (sings in high pitch) ♪ SIX HUNDRED MINUTES! ♪

  • (dogs barking) Man in distance: Shut up!

  • In the past, when the world has been faced with trials and tribulations, the younger generation always steps up and comes together to create groundbreaking works of art.

  • And now, my generation has come together to create groundbreaking memes on Instagram.

  • (out of breath) Who would have thought that to break my 5K personal record...

  • all it would take...

  • is running by myself...

  • and not with a group of people...

  • and talking the whole time?

  • Gas is cheaper than ever, the streets are empty, and people aren't even allowed to approach me.

  • Am I dreaming?

  • Timmy, you absolute clown!

  • I...

  • (groans angrily)

  • It's just not the same when I can't yell straight to your dumb face.

  • I'm losing my edge here!

  • Why, yes, I did make this mask myself.

  • Thank you for noticing.

  • But please, admire it from afar.

  • I'm not trying to be rude, that's just the rules, I'm sorry.

  • Mr. Whiskers, are you irritated or something that I'm home all the time now?

  • (cat meows)

  • Well, I'm sorry.

  • I don't have anywhere else to go, now do I?

  • It's time for me to face the fact that going to the laundromat is, in fact, essential.

  • Ooh, I haven't seen this shirt since January!

  • At 0700 hours we go through the door, pass the produce, and make a full frontal assault on the dairy section.

  • From there, in a pincer formation, we attack the meat section.

  • And, if any of us are left, at that point we will flank the toilet paper aisle.

  • Yo, what up, everyone?

  • Welcome to Club Living Room.

  • I'm your DJ tonight.

  • Let's get pumpin', huh?

  • (upbeat dance music)

  • (music stops)

  • (sad piano music)

  • I wouldn't say that I'm "spiraling" into anxiety and neuroticism.

  • This is just my natural mode of being.

  • You merely adopted the neuroticism.

  • I was born into it, molded by it.

  • You know, I don't even think I know how a normal brain is supposed to function any more.

  • If you wanna own some of these cool designs to wear on your own body, the link is in the description.

  • You can be repping your favorite YouTube channel, which is this one.

  • To watch a TV show about a guy named Joe Exotic, who had a zoo in Oklahoma.

  • Who could have guessed that?

  • And I don't even know what my next line is.

  • (upbeat happy music)

  • (laughs)

  • What was I even doing?

  • If I'm dreaming, I don't wanna wake up.

- I hate the government telling me what to do.

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B1 中級 美國腔

16個性社會距離 (16 Personalities Social Distancing)

  • 868 18
    たらこ 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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