Father's Day is the worst holiday in the world.

父親節是世上最糟的節日。

I've done the research.

我有做過研究。

I already know.

我早就知道了。

Let me tell you something.

讓我告訴你。

Mother's Day is the second-most celebrated holiday in the world.

母親節是世上第二多人慶祝的節日。

Christmas is first.

聖誕節第一。

So, it's ... That means it's Jesus, then your mama.

所以這表示耶穌排第一，之後是你媽媽。

You know where Father's Day fall at?

你知道父親節是第幾名嗎？

Number 20.

第二十名。

I can't think of 18 other holidays.

我甚至想不到其他 18 個節日。

Do you realize Halloween is number six?

你知道萬聖節排名第六嗎？

So, that means ghosts and goblins go before fathers?

那麼，這是不是代表妖魔鬼怪排在父親前面？

Arbor Day is number 13.

植樹節第十三名。

I don't even know what that is.

我根本不知道這是什麼。

I just know it come before me.

我只知道它排在我前面。

That's crazy.

這太誇張了。

Columbus Day is number 16.

哥倫布日排名第十六。

Celebrating Columbus Day is like celebrating somebody finding money in your house.

慶祝哥倫布日就像慶祝有人在你家找到錢一樣。

Where you get that 50 dollar from?

你從哪裡拿到那 50 元的？

I discovered it in your kitchen.

我在你家廚房找到的。

Ridiculous!

可笑！

Father's ... and I ... and it's mothers' fault, it's mothers' fault, 'cause see, when Mother's Day comes around, fathers go in their pocket deep.

父親...而我...而這一切都是媽媽的錯，是媽媽的錯，因為你看看，當母親節一到，爸爸們就要大手筆花錢。

Go in their pocket deep.

花大錢。

"Hey, I want to get my mama something", you ... cash that money out.

「嘿！我想買給我媽媽某樣東西」，你就要把錢拿出來。

You know what mothers do?

你知道媽媽會怎麼做嗎？

"Hey, I want to get Daddy something."

「嘿！我想買給爸爸某樣東西。」

"Well, go in that car, there's some change in my little cup holder in there."

「去車裡看看，我的置杯架那邊有些零錢。」

Don't nobody even have a sale for Father's Day--who has a Father's Day sale?

甚至沒有人在父親節時辦特價活動，哪家店有父親節促銷？

Mother's Day sale, it's like 30 of them.

母親節促銷，大概有 30 家。

Everybody have Mother's Day sale.

大家都有母親節促銷。

Don't nobody have no Father's Day sale.

但就是沒有父親節促銷。

Who has a Father's Day sale?

到底誰有父親節促銷？

The Dollar Store.

一元商店。

That's how you get water hose and jumper cables for fathers ...

這就是你買到作為父親節禮物的水管和跨接電纜的地方。

And the store's notice, cuz now, the store got a little trick for fathers.

商店也知道這點，因為現在，它們為父親設計了一點小把戲。

They make little packages, where they, it's a little box.

他們設計了小套組，裡面...它是一個小箱子。

It gives you suspenders, socks, and a shirt.

裡面有吊襪帶、襪子和一件襯衫。

One box.

都在那個箱子裡。

And you know what kids do?

而你知道小孩會怎麼做嗎？

They give you that stuff throughout the year.

他們在一年之中，分送那些東西。

They give that shirt for Father's Day, them socks for your birthday, and then they just randomly give you something else as, you know, they think about it.

父親節送你那件襯衫，你生日送你襪子，之後再隨機挑一天送你其他東西，你知道，他們是深思熟慮過的。

It's crazy--Father's Day sucks!

這超扯的，父親節真的超爛。

And I'm a father.

而我是一名父親。

I did all this work to be a father, for the suck.

我做了這麼多事就只為了當一名父親，為了這糟糕透頂的東西。