字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 -Over the weekend, former President George W. Bush released a video message calling for unity amid the coronavirus pandemic, prompting some Democrats and many in the media to reminisce about his presidency and praise his tone, compared to that of Donald Trump, which brings us to a segment we call "Hey!" [ Upbeat suspenseful theme plays ] Hey! Democrats, that was a lovely video, from what appears to be a very nice man, but George W. Bush is not your friend. He's still the guy who used fabricated evidence to drag us into an intractable war. I know you think of him, now, as the guy who gives out free candy and does weird portraits of Vladimir Putin, but those are red flags, too. If you go home with a guy and he says, "Would you like to come up to my boudoir to eat Twizzlers and look at my portraits of Gaddafi?" Get outta there! And, hey, you can criticize one bad president without praising another bad president. You've never seen a true crime documentary that says, "The fact that Jeffrey Dahmer ate his victims leads many to ask, 'Were we too hard on Ted Bundy?'" Yes, things are bad now, but, let's not forget -- Bush gave us the Iraq war, torture, the financial collapse, the Katrina disaster, and, of course, Ponchogate. That was over three years ago and they still haven't gotten him out. I will give him credit for one thing, though -- Bush was coverin' his face long before it was cool. And, hey, Democrats, the Trump presidency didn't just come outta nowhere. Bush paved the way for him. You know how we make fun of Trump for generally being dumb and incurious and incompetent and in the pocket of big corporations and the wealthy? That was Bush's thing, too. George W. Bush sucked at crawling so that Donald Trump could suck at walking. You remember how Trump got stuck in a hallway and then stood there like a tiger caught on a nature cam and stared directly in the lens? Bush did that first! Look at these two. They're the only two presidents who managed to turn a press conference into an escape room. [ As Bush ] Clue master, help us out. [ As Trump ] We need help, clue master. Look at that, ping-ponging back and forth between "C-" impressions of presidents. If we can't remember when presidents do bad things, then more presidents are gonna come along and do more bad things. Do you wanna be back here in 8 or 12 years, when the Republicans elect Mike Pence or Jeanine Pirro or a racist potato with googly eyes, saying, "You know what? I miss the civility and grace of Donald Trump. At least he had the decency and compassion to acknowledge when something was truly... [ As Trump ] Sad! Hey, Democrats, if you wanna get out of this mess, then you shouldn't be lowering the bar for what you praise. You should be raising it. Otherwise, we'll just be trapped in this nightmare forever, much like George W. Bush is still trapped in that poncho. This has been "Hey!" ♪♪ We'll be right back with more "Late Night."