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  • -Over the weekend,

  • former President George W. Bush

  • released a video message calling

  • for unity amid the coronavirus pandemic,

  • prompting some Democrats and many in the media

  • to reminisce about his presidency and praise his tone,

  • compared to that of Donald Trump,

  • which brings us to a segment we call "Hey!"

  • [ Upbeat suspenseful theme plays ]

  • Hey! Democrats, that was a lovely video,

  • from what appears to be a very nice man,

  • but George W. Bush is not your friend.

  • He's still the guy who used fabricated evidence

  • to drag us into an intractable war.

  • I know you think of him, now,

  • as the guy who gives out free candy

  • and does weird portraits of Vladimir Putin,

  • but those are red flags, too.

  • If you go home with a guy and he says,

  • "Would you like to come up to my boudoir

  • to eat Twizzlers and look at my portraits of Gaddafi?"

  • Get outta there!

  • And, hey, you can criticize one bad president

  • without praising another bad president.

  • You've never seen a true crime documentary that says,

  • "The fact that Jeffrey Dahmer ate his victims

  • leads many to ask, 'Were we

  • too hard on Ted Bundy?'"

  • Yes, things are bad now, but, let's not forget --

  • Bush gave us the Iraq war, torture, the financial collapse,

  • the Katrina disaster,

  • and, of course, Ponchogate.

  • That was over three years ago

  • and they still haven't gotten him out.

  • I will give him credit for one thing, though --

  • Bush was coverin' his face

  • long before it was cool.

  • And, hey, Democrats, the Trump presidency

  • didn't just come outta nowhere.

  • Bush paved the way for him.

  • You know how we make fun of Trump

  • for generally being dumb and incurious and incompetent

  • and in the pocket of big corporations and the wealthy?

  • That was Bush's thing, too.

  • George W. Bush sucked at crawling

  • so that Donald Trump could suck at walking.

  • You remember how Trump got stuck in a hallway

  • and then stood there like a tiger caught

  • on a nature cam and stared directly in the lens?

  • Bush did that first!

  • Look at these two. They're the only two presidents

  • who managed to turn a press conference into an escape room.

  • [ As Bush ] Clue master, help us out.

  • [ As Trump ] We need help, clue master.

  • Look at that, ping-ponging back and forth

  • between "C-" impressions of presidents.

  • If we can't remember when presidents do bad things,

  • then more presidents are gonna come along

  • and do more bad things.

  • Do you wanna be back here in 8 or 12 years,

  • when the Republicans elect Mike Pence or Jeanine Pirro

  • or a racist potato with googly eyes,

  • saying, "You know what?

  • I miss the civility and grace of Donald Trump.

  • At least he had the decency and compassion

  • to acknowledge when something was truly...

  • [ As Trump ] Sad!

  • Hey, Democrats, if you wanna get out of this mess,

  • then you shouldn't be lowering the bar for what you praise.

  • You should be raising it.

  • Otherwise, we'll just be trapped

  • in this nightmare forever,

  • much like George W. Bush is still trapped in that poncho.

  • This has been "Hey!"

  • ♪♪

  • We'll be right back with more "Late Night."

-Over the weekend,

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嘿!民主黨人讚美喬治-布什。 (Hey! Democrats Praising George W. Bush)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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