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  • - That's all we ate, was rice.

  • That's the key to an Asian household.

  • Rice.

  • That shit is always cooking.

  • There's always a pot of rice cooking.

  • The rice cooker's always on.

  • You could get locked in an Asian person's house

  • and all the lights are off,

  • you can find the kitchen.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Just look for that little square red light.

  • (audience laughing)

  • There's the fucking rice right there.

  • (audience laughing)

  • I sent my son to go get rice the other day.

  • I go, Jo, go grab a bag of rice.

  • He ran down a couple aisles

  • and then he came back with this little ass bag of rice.

  • It was in his hand like that.

  • And even though I knew that was the bag of rice

  • he was supposed to get,

  • I started reflecting back to when I was his age.

  • The bag of rice I had to get

  • was the size of this fucking stool.

  • (audience laughing)

  • That shit was twice my body weight,

  • I had to drag that shit back to my mom.

  • (audience laughing)

  • It's a big nylon bag with Chinese writing on the front.

  • It said 50 pounds at the bottom of it.

  • My mom would sit that in the back of the kitchen

  • next to the trashcan, top just ripped open.

  • Inside that bag was a coffee mug with a broken handle.

  • (audience laughing)

  • She called that a measuring cup.

  • (audience laughing)

  • She taught me how to make rice.

  • I remember that day.

  • "I'm going to teach you how to make rice

  • "and this the only time I'm going to teach you."

  • Okay.

  • How do I do it?

  • "You take a couple scoops of rice, Joseph.

  • "Put it in the pot.

  • "Put water in the pot, squish it around.

  • "Clean the rice, like that.

  • "If the water's cloudy, the rice is dirty,

  • "pour that water out.

  • "Put more water in there, squish it around.

  • "Squish it around.

  • "If the water is still cloudy,

  • "the rice is dirty.

  • "Pour that water out.

  • "Continue the process, Joseph,

  • "until the water is clear.

  • "When the water is clear, add water,

  • "it's ready to cook."

  • Well then how much water do I add?

  • "Just fill it to this line right here, Joseph."

  • (audience cheering)

  • This is how you cook perfect rice.

  • I want the world to know that right now.

  • This is an ancient fucking secret.

  • Every Asian knows how to make rice,

  • and this is how you do it.

  • You don't need a measuring cup

  • and you don't need a fucking rice cooker.

  • All you need is rice, a pot,

  • and this fucking line right here.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (audience cheering)

  • And I know there's people watching right now,

  • "Well how do you do that, that doesn't make any sense."

  • Well let me explain it to you.

  • Put as much rice as you want in any pot,

  • then fill it up with water.

  • How much water, Jo?

  • Well, you touch the top of the rice

  • with this finger right here,

  • and fill it up with water 'til it hits

  • that fucking line right there.

  • Perfect rice.

- That's all we ate, was rice.

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A2 初級 美國腔

如何煮出完美的米飯|趙可伊|Netflix是個笑話。 (How to Cook Perfect Rice | Jo Koy | Netflix Is A Joke)

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    Seina 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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