This is Devi Vishwakumar, she's a 15-year-old Indian-American girl from Sherman Oaks, California.

她是 Devi Vishwakumar，今年十五歲，一位來自加州千橡城的印度裔美國女孩。

And it's her first day of sophomore year.

今天是她升上高二的第一天。

And I am legendary tennis player, John McEnroe.

而我是網球界的傳奇選手 John McEnroe。

[Never have I ever: best narration from John McEnroe.]

[《好想做一次》John ＭcEnroe 當旁白]

Devi has what you might consider a short fuse, and sometimes she's a straight up psycho.

Devi 的個性有點暴躁易怒，有時甚至像個瘋子。

Which I find pretty admirable.

但我倒是滿喜歡她這種性格。

Paxton Hall-Yoshida, the hottest guy at Sherman Oaks high.

Paxton 是謝爾曼高中最帥的男孩。

I know it's a little weird for me to be saying that.

我知道這種話由我說出口有點怪。

But come on, look at this kid's jawline.

但看看他的下巴輪廓，真不是普通帥。

As much as Devi wanted to be a chill girl that you could have sex with, she knew the truth.

Devi 想要成為受歡迎的校園風雲人物，但她知道...

She was a weird loser and a member of the UN.

她只是個萬年魯蛇，被同學們稱作 UN 成員之一。

And today was certainly not gonna change that.

想當然，在開學首日這些情況依舊不變。

The hot pocket, it was where all the best looking guys in school ate lunch.

全校受歡迎的男生都會聚集在「帥哥區」吃午餐。

We're talking Marcus Jones.

好比 Marcus Jones。

We're talking Eddie Tan.

還有 Eddie Tan。

Hell, we're talking Trent Harrison!

當然還有 Trent Harrison。

But Devi was determined.

此時此刻，Devi 的心意已決。

Paxton's chiseled face actually worked a miracle.

Paxton 輪廓分明的帥臉真的創造了奇蹟。

But even though she told her friends that Jonah was the one she was after, Paxton Hall-Yoshida just seemed so much more, I don't know... hot.

雖然 Devi 告訴她的朋友，她的目標對象是 Jonah，不過 Paxton 真的...帥到難以招架。

That's why she wanted to post this thirst trap in the first place.

所以，她特地上傳一段性感舞蹈影片。

So Paxton would like it, and maybe like her.

希望 Paxton 會喜歡她的影片，然後愛上她。

So the next morning, Devi took her dad's advice and decided to fight back with her spirit, AKA she would be serving a damn lewk.

隔天一早，Devi 聽從她爸爸的建議，決定要用氣勢戰勝一切，也就是她要打扮得性感迷人。

Did he just say she looked good?

他剛剛是說她很正嗎？

Holy shit!

難以置信！

Maybe she wasn't as friend-zoned as she thought.

或許他不只想跟她當朋友而已。

Oh God, get outta there Devi, this is a classic brush off.

喔真夠尷尬，Devi 快離開那裡，他很明顯就是對妳沒興趣。

Uh, cool.

呃，好喔！

Well, this certainly was not the walk of shame Devi was hoping for.

這當然不是 Devi 原本希望的狼狽模樣。

Oh, you finally figured out you're a Gryffindor like me?

妳終於發現妳跟我一樣是都葛萊芬多學院的嗎？

No, I'm obviously a Ravenclaw like Eleanor.

不是好嗎，我跟 Eleanor 一樣都是萊文克勞。

They're all Hufflepuff.

她們都是赫夫帕夫。

So Devi was grounded and forced to become a house servant.

Devi 不但被禁足，還被迫成為家中的奴隸。

Currently, she was on ironing duty.

現在，她正忙著燙衣服。

Man, this is boring.

老天，這有夠無聊。

I'm a tennis commentator, not a golf commentator!

我是網球評論家，可不是高爾夫球評論家。

Dr. Ryan and her friends were so wrong.

Ryan 醫生和她的好友都錯了

Devi wasn't lost, she was a frigging sexual conquistador who had just snagged her first kiss from a teenage Adonis!

Devi 沒有迷失自我，她是超狂的性征服者，她的初吻對象根本就像是青少年版的希臘俊美男神——阿多尼斯。

And as far as she could tell that Jeep ride just solved all her problems.

在她看來，那趟便車解決了所有的問題。

Are you okay, kid?

孩子，妳還好嗎？

Oh fuck, you're John McEnroe!

不會吧，你是 John McEnroe 嗎？

I am.

對，我是。

Whoa, it's me, small world.

哇，是我欸，這世界可真小。

Thank you so much, Mr. McEnroe!

太感謝你了，McEnroe 先生。