字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 -Welcome to "The Tonight Show." -Thank you, Franny. Can you say it? Franny's younger than you. How can -- she can say it and you can't? -Welcome to "The Tonight Show." -Oh, Winnie, thank you so much. We have a great show tonight. All new. -Starring Jimmy Fallon. -Oh! [ Laughter ] You never said that before. Uh-oh. Do you have anything else you want to say? -Poopy face? -Let's just start the show. -♪ We in the house ♪ -Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests... Ricky Gervais... Billy Porter... musical guest The Lumineers... and the legendary Roots crew. It's "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition." -♪ We in the house, y'all ♪ And now here's Jimmy. -Hi, everybody. Welcome to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition." My name is Jimmy Fallon. I'm so happy to have you guys watching the show. It's Tuesday today, and Tuesday I say is just one day closer to Friday, isn't it, though? It's definitely not yesterday. It is -- And it's not quite tomorrow. It's almost, though. It's almost tomorrow. It's basically Wednesday. Let's just act like it's Wednesday. But it's Tuesday. It's great. Monday was great. Done. Forward. Onward, upward. That's what we're doing, okay? We're in this together. Let's make this work. Thanks for watching, everybody. Hey, we're working with -- Salesforce really stepped up. So any donation you make to World Central Kitchen, okay, Salesforce will match it up to $250,000. That's maje. All you have to do -- There's words on the back of this. Text "Meals" to 80100. And then that will be -- There's something else on the back of this. Sorry. -What is it? -I don't know. It's something for you. -[ Laughs ] -Sorry about that. Winnie drew on the back. -A love note? -It's a love note. This is not my handwriting so -- -[ Laughs ] Something you want to tell me? -Interesting. -Yeah, it is interesting. Okay, so, alright, that is that. We have a good show tonight. We'll get to that. But first, let's get to some jokes. Guys, it is week seven of the quarantine, and we're running out of ways to entertain the kids. Today, my wife and I told the kids to go outside and try to find Kim Jong-un. Rumors continue to swirl about whether Kim Jong-un is dead or alive. It's crazy. Who knew Kim Jong-un would turn into this generation's Tupac, you know? Yesterday, President Trump said he knows Kim Jong-un's condition but can't talk about it now. In response, Trump's entire staff told him to pretend the coronavirus is Kim Jong-un. But today, South Korean officials said they know the whereabouts of Kim Jong-un. Yeah, they think he's developing his new rocker persona, Chris Jong-Gaines. Could be. This is nice. I saw that Facebook and Instagram are holding a big multi-hour graduation ceremony for the entire class of 2020. Sounds cool until they start reading the names of everyone graduating this year. Aaron Aaronson. Aaron Aaronton. [ Laughs ] Aaron Aaronwon. A virtual graduation will feature appearances by Oprah, Miley Cyrus, Lil Nas X, and former Ohio governor John Kasich. Kids were like, "OMG, former Ohio governor John Kasich! Are you kidding me?" I read that a Girl Scout's branch just received federal aid to make up for lost cookie sales. Yep, the quarantine has been tough on Girl Scouts. So if you can get some Girl Scout cookies, please order some. But also to try and boost sales, the Girl Scouts are releasing some new limited edition flavors. For instance, there is Used-to-be-Thin Mints. Then there's Tag-Alones. There's also Do-Si-Don't Touch Your Face. Then there's Zoomacaroons. And, of course, Presidential Bleach Bites. Next, there's S'more Time Homeschooling your Kids. Who couldn't use that, huh? There's also I-think-I'm-about-to Ginger Snaps. And, of course, their best seller, Liquor-Doodles. Good luck, girls. They all sound like winners. Listen to this. I read that secret salons are now opening up around the country. 100 years ago, the mob was operating speakeasies. Now they're like, "You need a perm? You should go to this address. Okay? Okay, we got manis, we got pedis. What do you want? Mani/pedi?" This isn't good. In North Carolina, a dog has tested positive for COVID-19. So if you thought teaching your dog how to shake was hard, good luck teaching him how to elbow bump instead. Do dogs have elbows? And finally, I saw that U.P.S. is using drones to deliver medication to a retirement community in Florida. So don't panic if you see a bunch of old people screaming at the sky, "Where's my pills?" That is our monologue, everybody. Oh, man, we have a good show for you tonight. The very funny Ricky Gervais is on the show. I asked Ricky what charity he wanted to go to. He said, "I just don't want to play a game on your show. I just don't want to play a game." And -- That's not -- That almost sounded like -- Who is -- Jason... Statham. I don't sound like Ricky Gervais. "Ricky Gervais doesn't sound like that. That's more like Jason Statham, like that. He talks like that. Yeah, what you doing? What's your name?" Jimmy? "Yeah, Jimmy's not a name for an adult man, is it?" No? James? "That's better. Jim." Alright, call me Jim. "What you do?" I'm, like, a talk-show host. "Don't really like chat shows." 'Cause he said that to me once. But Ricky Gervais is on the show, and he loves to laugh. I love playing games with him, because he doesn't like to play games with me. So I think that's what makes it fun. Also, gosh, Emmy-winner, Tony-winner, Billy Porter on the show. Actorsfund.org. He's probably won more awards, as well, I'm probably not listing, but I do love Billy Porter. I will say he definitely wins at the red carpet. I mean, that dude just scores. He's unbelievable. I love him. I mean, the hat that opens up? [ Whistles ] That was the best move. And we got great, great, great music. Man, we love them. The Lumineers are on the show, and we love The Lumineers. Let's see, they're doing "Salt in the Sea" from their album "III." But this is what they're doing. They're working with MusiCares, and they have a COVID-19 relief fund for folks in the music community affected by the pandemic. So you text "Lumineers" to 41444, or you text "Meals" to 80100. This is the new way to donate. Just do that. Your phone will take care of the rest of the stuff. It's amazing stuff, guys. You'll be helping a lot of great people. You know, it's Tuesday. There's no real thing of what we're actually doing on our show. There's no set things. But now and then we like to have a routine, but this one thing we started doing, 'cause I have no guests and everything. And -- We do have guests, and it's great now. It's awesome. But when we first started, I asked my wife if I could ask her some questions, 'cause she's our camera person, and she does not want to be on camera. But for this, she'll make the exception, just 'cause we're here, we're home, we're trying our best, we're doing our stuff. So this is "Ask the Fallons." You had questions for me, my daughters, my wife. You had silly questions. You had personal questions. We're down with all of them, so, we appreciate them. So now I'm going to go for a safe walk around my house with a mask, with my wife. This is "Ask the Fallons." -♪ Ask the Fallons, Ask the Fallons ♪ -Okay, here we are. This is "Ask the Fallons." Thank you very much. You sent in a bunch of questions. We have the masks on. -Yes. We are going to be very careful. -If we see any people, we have to put the mask -- -We're putting them on. -Yeah. I'm going to hang one from the ear. -I'm just not going to do that. -Okay. -[ Laughs ] -Alright. Ready? -Yeah. -Alright. Nancy, you said last week your dream is to open a store. What kind of store? -Um, that's probably why the dream hasn't happened yet. [ Chuckles ] No, my store would be a treasure store, vintage, one-of-a-kind things, gifts. Not expensive, not annoying, but just a place you could go in and just find, like, the best painting that you were looking for, that one-of-a-kind original pencil holder from someone a long time ago, that kind of stuff. Not clothing. Just -- -Not new stuff? -Not new. -But a gift shop? -Loved. Things that have been loved before. -Oh, okay. -Not really a gift shop, but yeah, a place you -- It would probably have a very specific customer, like me. [ Laughs ] And then I'd have to give everything up. -How did you know you were ready to have kids? -We were ready when we got married. I got married later in life. And you love kids, and I love kids. And -- -That was always the plan, right? -That was just the plan. It wasn't even a, like, "Are you ready?" It was just, like, "Now how are you going to do this?" And that was a whole other question. [ Laughs ] -Yeah. -But we did it! -That was an interesting time. -Yeah. So that was five -- five years of really, really, really, really, really deciding not to give up and to -- At a certain point, it just had to become almost like a job, 'cause it's way too emotional to live emotionally through that. So you just keep going and going and going. And if you really want something, you just make it happen. And you have all these things where you go, "Yeah, but I would never do that. Yes, but I would never do that. But I would never -- And then all of a sudden, you're like, "Hey, I'll do that. If it's for my family, I'll do anything." So I think if anyone's out there having the dream, do not give up. Because I realize, too, that unlike even becoming like a multi-billionaire, you can stumble upon a lottery ticket and win it and win the lottery. But you will not ever stumble upon a child that will -- you can love and have as your family. So don't give up. Take bad weekends. Every time we got bad news, we would go away for one weekend.