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  • -Hi, everybody.

  • Welcome to another "Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • I appreciate you watching and staying at home

  • and doing what we are told.

  • I know it's hard right now, but it is gonna work out,

  • so thank you for doing that.

  • We're doing our part, too, staying at home

  • and washing our hands and not touching our face, et cetera.

  • And it's just -- Today is just a Tuesday, I believe,

  • and it's just another day.

  • It's another week. Every day is another week.

  • So, here we go. Let's make it easier.

  • Let's start off with a few jokes.

  • It's time for the monologue. ♪♪

  • Welcome to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • Guys, there are reports that Kim Jong-un

  • is in serious condition after having surgery.

  • Wow. That's crazy.

  • He always looked so healthy to me.

  • That's right -- there were reports that Kim Jong-un

  • is in serious condition after having surgery.

  • Who knew that the guy with the body shaped like the one

  • from "Operation" would have health issues?

  • He's got water on the knee.

  • Bucket of water on the knee.

  • If anything happens to Kim Jong-un,

  • his sister will take over.

  • You know Kim's sisters -- Kourtney and Khloé Jong-un.

  • Earlier today at The White House,

  • President Trump met with New York governor Andrew Cuomo.

  • It was strange, because, normally,

  • when two guys from Queens meet up,

  • it's under a bridge in the middle of the night.

  • The FDA just authorized the first coronavirus test

  • that allows patients to collect their samples at home.

  • That's right -- now people can mail their sample in

  • and then, two weeks later, get a call from the lab that says,

  • "Sir, that cup was for saliva."

  • Down in Georgia, a governor is going against

  • medical experts and reopening some

  • non-essential businesses, including bowling alleys.

  • Look, even when there's not a pandemic,

  • I wouldn't be sticking my fingers

  • into a communal ball hole.

  • Southern states like Tennessee and Georgia

  • are ignoring expert advise

  • and reopening non-essential businesses.

  • That's cool, because the last time the Southern states

  • broke off and did their own thing,

  • it worked out pretty well, right?

  • Georgia wants to reopen movie theaters next week.

  • It's perfect if you want to catch the latest releases

  • from February and also the coronavirus.

  • The World Series of Poker

  • has been postponed because of the coronavirus.

  • Yep. Of course all the players were incredibly upset,

  • but it was impossible to tell.

  • I read that seashells in North Carolina beaches

  • have been piling up because no one is there

  • to collect them, the seashells, yeah.

  • So now you know where to go when you need another beach-themed

  • "Live, laugh, love" sign for your bathroom.

  • A woman in Iowa made hundreds of face masks

  • and hung them on a tree outside her house

  • for people to share and take.

  • That's really nice, but while she was hanging them,

  • you know the neighbors were definitely like,

  • "Susan's gone insane."

  • And, finally, a lot of people say that the lockdowns

  • have created a lot of tension

  • between them and their roommates.

  • A definite sign of that -- when you start referring

  • to your wife and kids as roommates.

  • Guys, that is our monologue right there.

  • We have a great show tonight.

  • Halle Berry is on the show tonight.

  • We love Halle Berry.

  • We'll be talking to her and all the things

  • she's doing right now during this quarantine.

  • Also, Russell Westbrook and I

  • talk about Michael Jordan documentaries.

  • We'll be talking about playoff.

  • Is he ready for the playoffs if NBA happens to come back?

  • We don't know.

  • And we have great music from Meghan Trainor

  • to close out the show.

  • I appreciate that. Thanks, everyone, for coming on.

  • It's Tuesday, and we thought it would be fun to do

  • #AskTheFallons.

  • This is where we ask you guys to ask us questions,

  • and we'll answer anything, whether it be me, my kids,

  • or my wife, who is also my camera operator,

  • who does not like to be on-camera,

  • but it doesn't matter.

  • We're in a pandemic.

  • We have to do things... -That's right.

  • -...that we don't want to do.

  • So, here it is.

  • It's time for another installment of

  • "Ask, Ask, Ask, the, the, the,

  • Fallons, Fallons, Fallons, Fallons."

  • ♪♪

  • Hi, guys. -Hi.

  • -Welcome to this edition of "Ask the Fallons."

  • We are doing it from inside the bus, the VW bus,

  • because it is a crazy storm outside.

  • And we are safe and cozy in here.

  • -It might be hailing.

  • -And to be honest, the lighting is just as good in here

  • than it is outside.

  • Alright, we got a lot of questions from you guys.

  • -Alright. -Thank you so much.

  • I am going to kind of talk a little bit louder

  • because it's just really coming down.

  • -It just -- It might be hailing right now.

  • -Alright, here we go. I think it is, actually, yeah.

  • Alright, honey, what were you like

  • when you were the girls's age?

  • So 5 and 6.

  • -Okay, so, when I was 5 or 6 -- kindergarten --

  • my best friend's name was Huey.

  • And I loved to play and draw and make-believe.

  • I was really nice.

  • I was very shy and I liked to be kind of left alone.

  • I had a younger brother who was only about a year younger,

  • so, yes, he would sort of, you know, wait until

  • I perfectly set up my entire Barbie townhouse.

  • -Was it Barbie that you were into?

  • -Oh, I was into Barbie. I was into...

  • -Skipper? -Yeah, Skipper.

  • And you could turn her arms, and she would get bigger.

  • She would turn into a pre-teen. Oh, yeah.

  • And, yeah, Jim would come in and sort of mess it up,

  • and then I would go back and fix it up again.

  • And I was a peaceful child. -You were. Very creative.

  • -Very creative.

  • I loved anything drawing, painting, making a store.

  • I made a lot of stores. -Yeah.

  • -That's still my dream for one day, having a store.

  • -For me, I think 5 years old, 5 and 6, was the first grade.

  • I was very religious.

  • I was very -- I wanted to be a priest.

  • I was an altar boy.

  • Just got my first communion, and I was really into it.

  • So I was very kind of religious at the time when I was 5 and 6.

  • I mean, I didn't have Barbies, so I don't know.

  • My sister had Barbies.

  • We might have Donny and Marie dolls.

  • -Oh! -So maybe I was into that.

  • -We had the Six Million Dollar Man.

  • I remember I loved him.

  • -No, I didn't have that.

  • I remember I was jealous of a lot of my friends.

  • We'd go even to just their garage sales

  • and be like, "You have the Evel Knievel bike

  • that you pull the thing?"

  • -For a quarter? -Yes! Like, "I want that."

  • We never had any of those things.

  • But I think that I was probably more like --

  • I think I was more like Winnie than I was Franny.

  • -You do?

  • -Yeah, I think I was more quiet and just, like,

  • just did my own thing, yeah.

  • My sister was -- Yeah, she was more of the, like --

  • -I'm surprised.

  • -Everyone was really like, "Oh, Gloria's --"

  • -Oh, yeah, Gloria was kind of a --

  • -She was very cute and very smart.

  • -Yes.

  • -And people saw that and they were like, "Ooh, the boys.

  • You're gonna have --" -Good luck with the boy.

  • -"You're gonna have a little trouble with the boy."

  • -But the daughter's really cute.

  • -Yeah, she's cute and so smart.

  • But he's got something, I guess.

  • He's got something to work towards.

  • Hey, this one's good.

  • It said, "I just started my first serious relationship.

  • Do you have any dating advice?" -Oh!

  • -Yeah, would you like to go ahead?

  • Mine -- I would not. I would not give you any advice.

  • -What would be your advice, actually?

  • -I'm so bad. What's my dating advice?

  • Phew! Maybe realize that when

  • you're first starting to date,

  • that this might not be the one, the one.

  • Most likely, it's not the one. -It could be the one.

  • -It could be the one.

  • I would say you're in the 5 percentile

  • of that being "the one."

  • -I don't even know where to start with my advice.

  • Alright, I'll try to limit it down...

  • -Mm-hmm.

  • -...to a big one, which is

  • trust their actions, not their words.

  • So, you may hear the most beautiful things,

  • you may hear promises, you might hear everything

  • you want to hear, but if that person you're dating

  • is not following up with their actions,

  • then they're just words.

  • So trust yourself on that.

  • Stop saying, "But, but, but..."

  • "But he said he liked me."

  • If he doesn't show you he liked you, you know,

  • it might be a different thing.

  • The other thing is to know what you want.

  • It's so important to know what you want,

  • because I think that a lot of us just scream forward

  • waiting for the first person to pull out

  • or pull up or, you know, move ahead.

  • And just know what you want.

  • Some people might just want to date,

  • and you don't have to rush to the altar.

  • You don't have to rush to anything.

  • You can just enjoy each other.

  • -Did you know what you wanted with me?

  • [ Both laugh ] -Yes.

  • The craziest thing about you was that...

  • -You wanted to run to the altar.

  • -...for the first time in my life,

  • someone told me to make that list of what I want.

  • And I had just assumed that I knew what I wanted,

  • but I never actually dated anyone

  • who had anything on the list of what I wanted

  • once I wrote it down.

  • So as soon as I did that -- and I'm not kidding --

  • I went on to "Fever Pitch" and ta-da.

  • -Wow. So maybe write it down. -Yeah.

  • It's just a way of understanding what you're after better.

  • -You wanted brown hair, good looks.

  • -It was an entirely physical list.

  • -Physique. -No, it was not.

  • It had nothing to do with that.

  • My 20-something self would have made that list,

  • but my older list was different.

  • -But how different was it?

  • -It was just more about, like, someone who loves family,

  • because some people -- And I've dated people

  • who don't actually want to be around family,

  • and I love my family.

  • And, you know, that was a big one.

  • Someone who just had the same sort of sense of fun that I did.

  • -Yeah, and?

  • -Someone who is really muscly and great-looking!

  • And the most handsome prince in the world, my husband.

  • -Gosh, I spend about 90% of my day in the gym,

  • and when I come out, you know I got to have my protein shake.

  • -Yeah, actually, on the list is someone

  • who isn't that into all of that,

  • because that is like a widow waiting to happen, a gym widow.

  • -I mean, I just -- When I get in there, I get pumped, man.

  • I want to come out. You know what I want?

  • That protein shake and then another round in the gym.

  • -That was your list? -That's all I wanted.

  • -So you must be gravely disappointed.

  • -I think everyone knows, at home, how lucky I am.

  • [ Both laugh ]

  • Alright, let's continue with the show, everybody.

  • -Okay. -That was "Ask the Fallons."

  • -Stay dry.

  • -Thank you so much for those questions.

  • And thank you, VW, for inventing that bus in the '70s.

  • That thing is awesome, and it kept us --

  • It kept that bit going during this rainy, haily, cold storm

  • that was happening outside.

  • What's up, bud?

  • -Hi. -What do you want to tell me?

  • -You know what? -What?

  • -And do you know what? -What? You always whisper.

  • -[ Whispering ] -Yeah, what?

  • You are trying to be "Bomb Boyeye."

  • It's Bomb Voyage, in "The Incredibles."

  • She calls him Bomb Voyeye.

  • So, anyways, thank you for sending in those

  • "Ask the Fallons" questions.

  • And I appreciate them getting a little bit deeper and --

  • Wow, you guys are really asking these hard-hitting questions.

  • But, anyways, I appreciate it.

-Hi, everybody.

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今夜秀。在家版(Ask the Fallons - Childhoods and Dating Advice) (The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (Ask the Fallons - Childhoods and Dating Advice))

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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