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Next.
[If Google was a guy]
Google.
Six feet away, please.
Am I glad to see you.
I'm sure you have questions about the pandemic.
Are rhinos elephants?
Are what?
Toilet paper in bulk.
Sold out, sorry.
Ah, paper towel in bulk.
Sold out, too.
Tissue paper in bulk.
Sold out.
You know, in olden days we just used rags.
Underwear in bulk.
Very gross.
How do I Zoom?
Videoconferencing is a great way to stay connected.
Do I Zoom on Facebook?
Where to begin.
How do I Facebook?
How islands stay put?
Nothing about coronavirus?
The quarantine?
Islands have anchors?
Mojito recipe.
So you're going to need mint.
Don't have it.
- Lime. - Don't have it.
- Club soda. - Don't have it.
And rum.
Woo, mojitos.
Online yoga class.
Good for you staying in shape.
Online Zumba class.
Regular exercise is a great stress reliever.
Online crossfit class.
Just be careful to...
Online chiropractor class.
Pace yourself.
The rate of spread in foreign countries.
The U.S. government response.
Exclamation point but for quiet.
Chicken.
A lot of grocery stores are sold out so you're gonna need to get creative.
Farms near me.
Good thinking.
Some farms will deliver vegetables right to your door.
Stealing chickens.
Uh, not that creative.
How to wash hands...
Soap is one of the best weapons we have against the virus.
Memes.
Ugh, these are pretty funny, actually.
Jewel's "Hands" but for how to wash hands.
Ah, she didn't.
Calculate volume sphere.
Why not ask a parent for some homeschooling?
Uh, calculate volume sphere.
♪ These hands are washed like so ♪
♪ With water first ♪
♪ And then with soap ♪
This slaps.
Dow Jones.
Bad news.
S&P 500.
Ooh, yikes.
NASDAQ.
Sorry.
Animal Crossing real estate.
Not a real thing.
Dollar to turnip exchange rate.
How long quarantine?
This says two months.
Months?
This says six months.
Oh my God.
And this says 2021.
I have longer, if you want.
Animal shelter.
Animal shelters are struggling right now so it's a great time to bring home a quarantine buddy.
Adopting a chicken.
Not that creative.
Time of day.
4 p.m.
Day of week.
Thursday.
Month of year.
April.
2020 can suck my...
Ah, so you know the year.
What do I do?
Do the five.
Wash your hands often, cough into your elbow, don't touch your face, keep a safe distance from others, and stay home.
You're touching your face.
I suddenly can't stop.
Flat curve theory.
Finally.
Flatten the curve means that if we practice social distancing we can control the spread of the virus over time, keeping hospitals from being overwhelmed and saving lives.
Sorry, flat earth theory.
Oh God, I need a mojito.
Miami beach parties.
You realize how irresponsible this is?
I'm 22.
You could still give the virus to someone older than you or someone immunocompromised or die from it yourself.
No one is completely safe.
Sexy HAZMAT suit.
Stay home.
How to feel normal?
Look, it's normal to not feel normal.
We've never gone through anything like this as a modern society so go easy on yourself and look for pleasant distractions.
Exclamation point but for quiet.
Let's find out.
♪ These hands are washed liked so ♪
♪ With water first ♪
♪ And then with soap ♪
♪ Scrub back and forth ♪
♪ And to and fro ♪
♪ For at least 30 seconds ♪
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如果 Google 是個人:隔離檢疫版 (If Google Was a Guy: Quarantine Edition)

1190 分類 收藏
Mackenzie 發佈於 2020 年 4 月 20 日    Mackenzie 翻譯    adam 審核
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