What not but I feel kind of pants and those take lot of energy so instead. I thought I would sit down and

We would have a chat about

How I can't remember yesterday or the day before and I'm not entirely sure what day it is today?

so I have a disability that affects my nerves and my muscles and

My hearing and various other things and causes a lot of fatigue

Which then affects memory now even though I was born with this condition

I wasn't actually diagnosed until I was 17 when my paralyzed both of my arms for a year and a half

And they rushed me into hospital. I had a whole load of procedures to check

What was what happened?

So it can be a variety of things and one thing they checked to make sure it wasn't was a brain tumor and to do

That they had to take my spinal fluid to a lumbar puncture

Which is where they put a needle into your back and suck out some of your spinal fluid

the fluid that goes around your spine and then up around your brain and

They took some of that out

But they hadn't realized that they left holes

And the rest of my spinal fluid leaked out through these holes into my body just not great then your brain is effectively like

Dying so although I'd previously had a few memory problems

Not anything really big you know being when I was very tired. It was quite hard to remember things

after this oh

Oh my memory. Oh dear because parts of my brain

Died

because they are so dehydrated not all of it which is good

Really part of the bit that no longer worked is the section that makes very short term

Memories so you have different types of memory you've got your long term memory

Which is you know you're thinking back to your childhood?

It's the deeply ingrained stuff that weirdly when you're super old

That's the only stuff you can remember like my grandfather started speaking

Swedish when he was over 90 because that there's memories that come back, but your midterm memory which is the stuff?

That's like you know hanging around um, but the last year the last few months

Things have been going on so you can probably remember that quite well what you're doing last month

And then you've got your short-term memory

which is right now this minute remembering what you did earlier this morning what you had for breakfast and

That's the part of my memory. It just doesn't it just it's not great

It's not great so while I know where I live

I know who my wife is I know that we're married the things that I have difficulty with are

for instance I will put my phone down and then I will have absolutely no clue

Where it is if you can imagine everyone gets that thing where they walk into the kitchen and think oh?

Why why did I come in here the reason for that is something to do with the threshold. It's because you've changed place

You've gone into a different room and your brain has switched track thinking now

We're in the kitchen so you can't quite remember the thought that you had in the hallway about why you wanted to go

Into the kitchen and that's pretty common it happens a lot

But for me

the

thought when I'm standing in the hallway of why I need to go in the kitchen it isn't just that I forget it when I

Enter the kitchen and it can then be remembered it's that it just is gone

It just doesn't

Create that memory and then stick it in my brain if a memory is created. I often have a lot of difficulty with discerning exactly

When that memories from so I'm looking for something say my compact mirror

And I have a very clear visual memory of using my contact mirror

Inside a taxi sitting the back of a taxi that's great, but is that memory from earlier today?

Is that why I can't find it did I leave it there in the taxi?

How was I in a taxi anyway, or is that memory from

yesterday, and I did use my compact mirror, and then I brought it home, and then I put it somewhere within my home.

Or is that memory from last year did I just completely make that memory up. and my compact mirror is in my pocket

As a result of this I obviously then have to write absolutely everything down. I've written down my notes for this video

And I have to write it down as soon as I have the thought the thought is ou

Must reply to my father

Which I'm now saying in a video so that he knows I do actually think and intend to respond to his messages

Sorry dad so do you have to reply to my father, and I will remember this suddenly write it down

I must write it down this very second because if I do not write it down I

Will move on so my house is littered with

Scraps of paper that I have torn from something and written down the incredibly important message

It's also to do with

important things like having to go to the bank or

Hospital appointment remember you have hospital appointment at this time, so I try to keep the pieces of paper once

I've written them in an easy place

I can spot it

So I'll know that I then have to look at the piece of paper

To remember the thing that is on but I have to remember to look at the piece of paper to remember thing that is on

The piece of paper and that's not always

great

But the memory I cope is with visuals with my tiny bits of paper

I have to write lists, and I have a weekly planner and I know

That I have to look at my weekly planner

I forget a lot of the time that I have to look at my weekly planner

But I at least know that important things will be on my weekly planner

So if there is a nudge at the back of my brain like

*murmuring to herself*

Something I meant to remember

I at least know to go and check my weekly planner

Where hopefully things will be written down and I always write down my weekly planner with the aid of other people

Whether that's my wife Claudia she's wonderful or Clara who is my assistant in all things and

Then they will remain to me

about

Okay, oh, yeah, this isn't say that. I can't create new memories that I can't make short-term memories

It's just that they don't all get created. How do I remember people's names?

and other important things?

Well as long as on 10 separate occasions

They are drilled into my brain at least one of them's got to stick

Yeah, okay, probably like three or four times of this time it will stick

So Claudia will talk me through something and be like oh, yeah

This person is now dating this person, and I'm like oh

two minutes later

Is this person still single?

no Jessica this person is now dating this person

Okay

Yeah, it goes on. I'm not gonna do the whole thing for you

But out of those 10 probably three of the times I hear the piece of information oh

Okay right good. That's in there now routine things are the easiest to do however

I'm putting my makeup on I know all the stages to do it so

It gets done in exactly the same order every time. I mean if something's missing it always throws me off

When it comes to remembering stuff one of the most important things in my life is obviously medication I take a variety of medications

You can

Find out more about that. Yeah, um pick this card above

Ugh I can't remember. That's the right side

This is the stuff I normally cut it out

It's just that you know the old jessica has forgotten this

But I'm leaving them in I'm leaving them in medication on my phone, so I have a medication alarm set on my phone

So I remember to take my medication three times a day

the problem is

It goes off and I look at it, and I turn it off

I can't remember then whether I've actually done it or not and each day has a little slots

And so I can look at it and visually go up. I

Haven't taken it, but of course that only works if you can remember to look at the medication slots which is again

Why I have other people in my life who was

very handily

Reminds me ever and ever or just my medication alarm goes off

and Clara will bring my medication and put it in my hand

And then Claudia comes home from work and she's like did you take your medication today?

Probably not

Now you might have got to this point and be like gosh Jessica that just sounds pretty normal

That sounds like me I too am a forgetful human being uh, and there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just a bit scatterbrained

like well

Okay, that's cool

One of the biggest problems with having memory issues is that all people are slightly forgetful every now

And then we all forget something so if I try and explain to someone that actually

It's quite a bad memory problem. It's very detrimental to my life. It's not like I just

forget the odd thing now and again I

just

See I forgot the end of my sentence

Again stuff I would cut out, but we're not um because they think

Like oh well. I'm a bit forgetful too

That's just life, and I'm like that's great, but I don't know the day of the week or the month

I'm not even a hundred percent positive what year it is

Number ten does it bother me more than anything else

Yes, it really does

I am quite fine with

having physical

problems I'm quite fine with

The chronic pain, I'm quite fine with bits to me that stopped working

Deafness I mean I wouldn't say it's it's great

Obviously it would be oh and health health

Yeah, it would obviously be very helpful to my life if I didn't have

chronic illness and disabilities and deafness and a bit blindness that would all be

Helpful if it wasn't here, but I could cope I can cope. It's fine, but a memory

Because it's it's at a core part of yourself memory your memories who you are it is

your

It's if it is hugely frustrating I hate it

I hate the constant I go up and down stairs

So much, I'm gonna go downstairs

And I'm going to get this from my bag. I'm going to get a drink as well, then I get down there, and I'm no

Thirsty I'm thirsty

I'm gonna get a drink, and then I get my drink, and I heard back up the stairs

And I reached the top and I'm like wait a minute fake memory

forgotten something

I'm gonna get into my bedroom, and then I look down on

Maybe it's on my phone and my phone is like halfway through something out

I need to go and tell my friend the ticket number

On the ticket in my handbag because I'm halfway through writing the message to her in which I say my ticket number is so

then I bring my whole handbag upstairs

Sit in my bedroom my computer so if my computer, and I see where I was doing on my computer mate

I was halfway through this so I start doing that and then another something happens my own

Mm-hmm, and then I look in my handbag and I'm like oh look there's a ticket

Oh, I was half way through a message doing just that

it takes so much time

It is scary and upsetting

It's especially scary when you sometimes turn around and find yourself in a place and you have no idea how you got there or why

you were there because I've had that before where I'm just suddenly in town

it's also annoying when it comes to things like household chores and

Claudia will ask me to do something

Yes, I will write that down on my list and then it doesn't happen and then she comes in in the evening and asks me

to do something

But you know what the best way to cope with those feelings is to take and then just set them aside

Being upset and frustrated and angry about a situation

I have no control over just nothing but bring bad feelings to me and

so I

Don't need that in some ways. I have a defense mechanism

Where I?

Know about I?

Just go through life. You know ditsy so then to some people it can come off as being just

Doing it on purpose

but actually I'm just

Kind of happy with who I am because it is just who I am the easiest things to remember are things that I have created

myself

Ideas that I have had I write books and stories. It's a work in progress

Working on it. Anyway. I can probably tell you a lot more about

Fictional characters, then I can real people that I know quite well because of the repetition

So if you tell me your birthday

Once for likelihood that I will remember it is not that high if you tell me your birthday ten times

You have a higher chance that I remember it whilst I am creating a character in my head

I will think long and hard about that birthday and the number of times

I thought about it and

The thoughts I put into it means the able stick

Which is why I have an app on my phone that tells me whenever it is. Anyone's birthday, and also sends flowers to various people

For me without me having to do anything because just because I don't remember you doesn't mean I don't love you

So the last and most important part of this video how can you someone who potentially doesn't have memory problems?