-And today we're gonna-- -DATING TIPS!

今天呢!我們將要… 約會技巧大公開！！！

DATING TIPS

約會技巧。

Mmmm, let's start with the guys.

嗯…那就從男人們先開始吧！

First off, don't be yourself.

首先，不要做自己。

Be the kind of guy that she wants you to be.

做那種她想要你成為的那種男性。

Second, be yourself.

第二，做自己。

And third, pretend to care.

然後，第三假裝你很關心她。

Girls love that!

女生們愛死這個了！

Okay, honey. Your turn.

Ok! 親愛的。 換你了。

Listen up, ladies.

聽好了，各位淑女們。

If his name is Jack, send him back!

如果他的名字是Jack， 就請他慢走不送。

Second, make sure he has a real job.

第二，確保他有一個真的工作

Making YouTube videos doesn't count.

經營Youtube影片頻道可不能算在內。

-And third-- -Okay, cool!

然後，第三…OK！很好！

I have some more dating tips.

我有更多約會的技巧。

Girls are bitches and don't bother dating them.

女生們就是賤 ，再來就是不用浪費力氣去和她們約會。

There is no number three.

沒有第三點了。

Try to find a guy who showers regularly.

試著去找一個會規律洗澡的男人

Well, that's it for dating tips!

嗯，約會技巧就這些！

And make sure he doesn't think second base is Eskimo kissing.

然後確保他不認為二壘是愛斯基摩人式親親（譯註：即是磨鼻子）。

Well, that's it for dating tips!

嗯，約會技巧就這些！！

And doesn't cry in his sleep!

還有他不會在睡覺的時候哭哭！

That was one time!

就那麼一次而已！！！

Once is enough.

一次就夠了！

GET OUT!

出去！

This is my apartment, actually.

事實上，這是我的公寓。

April Fools...heh...heh...heh.

愚人節快樂...嘿嘿嘿

It's not April Fools.

今天不是愚人節。

(sad music)

（悲傷的音樂）

Hey, thanks for watching, but let's get serious for a second.

嘿！謝謝觀賞，但是讓我們一起認真一秒鐘。

Today's April 1st, and you know what that means:

今天是四月一日，而你知道這是什麼意思…

It's White History Month.

這是白人歷史月（譯註：原為Black History Month--黑人歷史月，用來紀念非裔的重要歷史，但現在有些人希望白人也有白人歷史月。然而此舉並非受到廣泛認同，因黑人歷史月是由於黑人經歷過種族歧視的過去才產生的。）

So go hug a white person today

所以今天去擁抱一個白人吧！

and tell him, or her, or it, thank you for everything.

然後告訴他，或她，或牠（它），為所有發生的事而感謝你。

Let's start White History Month right this year.

一起從今年起開創白人歷史月。

M'kay?!

Ok? （譯註：M’kay是ok的另一種說法，是由「南方四賤客」或譯「南方公園」當中的Mr. Mackey所帶起的流行）

Jacksfilms

Jack的影片。

And make sure he doesn't think that second base is Eskimo kisses.

然後確保他不認為二壘是愛斯基摩人式接吻。

[inaudible]

（無聲）

How about Eskimo kissing?

換成說愛斯基摩人式親親怎樣？

Yeah, that's fine.

好啊！不錯！