Hi, everyone.

Thanks for not being here.

This is crazy.

I wasn't supposed to be doing my show from my house

until next season.

Today, I applaud you.

Usually, I walk out, people applaud me,

but I'm applauding you.

Nurses, doctors, hospital staff, first responders,

supermarket employees, truck drivers,

everyone who keeps us going, thank you so much.

I'd keep doing that, but maybe that's annoying.

I don't know.

I wanted to start doing my new show as soon as possible

because it's really for people who

are stuck at home, and especially my staff and crew.

I love them.

I miss them.

And the best thing I can do to support them

is to keep the show on the air, so here we are.

Today I am filming this in my living room because, well,

because it has the best light and sound,

and because all the other rooms in my house

are filled with toilet paper.

So while we're all stuck here, I want

to help take your mind off everything

that's going on in the world.

I've always wanted to have this show as a distraction,

as a break from whatever is going on out there

that may be unpleasant.

So if you're feeling down, I want to lift you up.

If you're feeling trapped, I want to set you free.

If you feel like you're going in the wrong direction,

I want you to back that thing up.

It is a strange time, and this is

what we have to do right now.

So I want to give a big shout out

to my crew, my director, Portia, my camera operator, Portia,

my key grip, Augie.

What up, dog?

That's funny because Augie is a dog.

Portia and I have been quarantining for three weeks

now, and it's nice actually, because we

get to spend time together, and talk, and just

really get to know each other.

Right?

Yeah.

Did you know that she was Australian?

It's fascinating.

One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine

is that people--

this is like being in jail, is what it is.

It's mostly because I've been wearing

the same clothes for 10 days and everyone in here is gay.

The jokes that I have.

I feel bad for the kids at home, all the college

students, all the parents.

I feel bad for a lot of people.

But I think that a lot of people out there need

words of encouragement, and that's what I want to do.

I want to spread light where there's shade.

I want to bring a glow where it's gloomy.

I want to stick a candle where the sun doesn't shine.

Hm.

I don't know about that one.

If there's one thing that always brings me joy, it's dancing.

So Augie, show them how it's done.

I'm kidding.

I have a better idea.

tWitch, are you there?

I'm here.

What's up?

There he is.

tWitch, you and I both know what the country needs right now--

hand sanitizer and a dance from you.

I've missed you.

I miss you too.

There we go.

Yeah.

You shouldn't be out of shape because you and Allison

have been doing your--

that's been so amazing.

You've been doing these live on-air classes every morning.

Yeah, it's been a lot of fun.

I mean, look.

We're just, honestly, looking for ways

to just kind of stay active, and--

hold on.

Hoo.

OK-- looking for ways to stay active.

And every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday

we've just been leading these group-along classes.

Very cool.

Besides growing your beard, what else have you been doing?

[LAUGHS] Well, we've been doing a little bit of homeschooling.

I've played a little bit of Playstation.

It's been great.

And also a couple of weekends ago, Maddox turned four.

So that was awesome.

And Ellen, we've been wondering, what's

the age where they can actually entertain themselves,

and it's not four.

So we'll see how it goes, because he's constantly like,

what now?

What now?

What now?

What now?

So send us some ideas.

Send us some suggestions.

Yes.

Yeah.

Well that sounds like Portia.

She's like, what now?

What now?

What now?

[LAUGHS]

I'm kidding, honey.

I'm kidding.

Here's the most important question that I have for you.

Do you know what day it is?

No.

I have no idea.

I was hoping you would help me out with that one.

It doesn't really matter anyway.

No.

That's the thing, it does matter what day it is.

There's--

Yeah, exactly.

--no such thing as a weekend.

[LAUGHS]

Every day is a weekend.

Now, do the kids like having you around more?

I would think that they do.

They do, yeah.

Because honestly, we've been traveling a bunch.

We travel around and we teach.

We dance.

So this-- obviously, it's crazy times.

But the upside to this is we get a lot more quality time

all together.

So that's the bright side of it.

We're loving it.

Yeah.

Weslie definitely misses her friends at school,

but we're having a good time here.

And Allison, does she like having you around more, or no?

Absolutely.

Yes.

She does.

Good.

Because again, it's quality time outside of work, right?

Because we work together a lot.

So we're now just being able to enjoy the house

and just spend that kind of time.

It's great.

Who's a better cleaner, and what chores do you have?

Like, I enjoy vacuuming, so I don't

have a problem with vacuuming.

Dusting is my least favorite.

But what do you contribute to?

So she's definitely the better cleaner and better organizer

by far, right?

So me, I can do I can do laundry.

Let's see.

I can make beds really great.

I take care of the dogs.

That's good.

It's hard to make a bed by yourself, especially

the fitted sheet when you're by yourself.

That's helpful.