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  • Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday. I really liked your video on Friday about how to make friends in adulthood

  • And today I thought I would follow up with some personal experience on the topic

  • I like to spend time by myself,

  • like most of my hobbies are things generally done alone; reading, writing, gardening, listening to

  • podcasts, contemplating the relationship between myself and the bacteria that

  • colonize me. And also I get anxious in situations with lots of new people, not primarily because of my mental illness,

  • I don't think, but because lots of people find social engagements nervous making. Especially when you're going to them alone.

  • And that also means I'm often not, like, my best self in those situations. Like I'm often

  • self-conscious about how much I'm talking, or how little, or how much I'm sweating, or whatever, and that makes it difficult to be IN the

  • conversation. On the other hand, I really like being with close friends and family,

  • I love the comfort and warmth of those deep connections and they are super important to me. The problem,

  • of course, is that if you don't already have those deep connections,

  • it can be difficult to find them without putting yourself in those nervous

  • situations where sweat just sprouts from your forehead like so many seeds out of well tilled soil.

  • And then in part because you're nervous you struggle to engage deeply and then you go home and you're like, "Oh my god,"

  • "I don't want to do that again."

  • So Sarah and I moved to Indianapolis in 2007, and I knew almost no one here.

  • I was what is sometimes called a "trailing spouse" because we'd moved here for Sarah's job.

  • She quickly made great friends at work,

  • but I struggled to make friends at work on account of how I was working alone in my basement.

  • I did try to make friends. I volunteered for things, attended events, accepted every invitation; all the things

  • I'd read on the Internet you were supposed to do to make friends,

  • but none of it worked. And I became discouraged pretty quickly because all of those social engagements were

  • really draining and it just seemed like Indianapolis wasn't the kind of place for me.

  • It felt to me like everyone here had known everyone else since grade school. And then a few months after moving,

  • we received an invitation to attend the big annual

  • neighborhood get-together on our street. And I didn't want to go, because I had tried to make friends through social events,

  • and it didn't work. Plus everyone on our street was kind of old,

  • like 40, and they had like kids and stuff.

  • But Sarah really wanted to go, so we did and as I expected everyone was super old and had kids and stuff and I was

  • sweaty and nervous and struggling to participate fully in conversations and after about half an hour, I was definitely ready to go.

  • But then a guy came up to me and introduced himself, he was about my age, but not my size.

  • He looked like Vince Vaughn and Vincent D'Onofrio had had a huge baby.

  • His name was Chris and his fiancee Marina was at the party as well, and we all started talking,

  • I was still sweaty and still nervous,

  • but we were talking. We talked about Chris's time in the Peace Corps, and my time as a hospital chaplain. We talked about living in

  • Indianapolis, and living on a street full of old people. And then in an awkward moment near the end of the night I asked for

  • Chris's number, and he gave it to me. Now it didn't happen all at once.

  • It wasn't like love at first sight or whatever. But as we began to hang out with Chris and Marina more, I began to hate

  • Indianapolis less. They both worked from home at the time and we would often go out to lunch together, which meant that astonishingly enough

  • I sort of had work friends. Marina was

  • compassionate and incredibly thoughtful-- the kind of person who always makes you feel heard, and cared for.

  • And Chris was hilarious and charismatic,

  • but also deeply loyal. He knew I was lonely. And so he invited me to join his IndyCar fantasy league and to come over to

  • his house to watch TV all the time. And so through my friendship with Chris,

  • I made more friends until eventually I wanted to stay in

  • Indianapolis for good, because

  • towns are made out of people in the end. And I've come to love a lot of people in this one.

  • I didn't want to go to that neighborhood party because I'd tried going to things.

  • I'd tried to make friends. And I thought I had failed. In fact, though,

  • I just hadn't succeeded yet. This week Chris and Marina and Sarah and I are celebrating

  • 11 years of our friendship. And now

  • we are the old people with kids and stuff at the neighborhood party, and I couldn't be more grateful.

  • Hank, I'll see you on Friday.

Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday. I really liked your video on Friday about how to make friends in adulthood

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A2 初級

我是如何交到朋友的 (How I Made Friends)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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