So I have it.

Does anybody want to hear it again?

You're sure? Are you sure?

So here it is, "The Snake."

It's called "The Snake."

They're not sending their best.

On her way to work one morning —

You can do anything.

Whatever you want. Grab her by the —

Down the path,

along the lake.

A tender-hearted woman saw a poor half-frozen snake.

And I'm allowed to go in because I'm

the owner of the pageant and therefore, I'm inspecting.

You're like a doctor.

His pretty colored skin had been all frosted

with the dew.

"America first."

Poor thing, she cried, I'll take you

in and I'll take care of you.

It's working out very nicely.

You see it at the airport, you see it all over.

It's working out very nicely.

Take me in, o tender woman.

Take me in, for heaven's sake.

I'm president. Hey, I'm president.

Can you believe it?

Take me in,

oh tender woman, sighed the vicious snake.

If you cross the border unlawfully, then

we will prosecute you.

She wrapped him up all cozy in a comforter of silk.

Very fine people — on both sides.

And laid him by her fireside with some honey

and some milk.

Three billion dollars.

$533 million.

She hurried home from work that night.

And as soon as she arrived she found that pretty snake she'd taken in

had been revived.

This is an island surrounded by water.

Big water.

Take me in, oh tender woman.

Take me in, for heaven's sake. Take me in,

sighed that vicious snake.

I said, you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia

is a made-up story.

It's an excuse.

She clutched him to her bosom.

You're so beautiful,

she cried.

But if I hadn't brought you in by now, oh heavens,

you would have died.

If we had had confidence

that the president clearly did not commit a crime,

we would have said so.

She stroked his pretty skin again and kissed him

and held him tight.

The actions of the Trump presidency

revealed dishonorable fact of the president's betrayal

of his oath of office, betrayal

of our national security and betrayal of the integrity

of our elections.

But instead of saying thank you

that snake gave her a vicious bite.

Was there a quid pro quo.

The answer is yes.

Everyone was in the loop.

I have saved you,

cried the woman.

And you've bitten me.

Heaven's, why?

You know your bite is poisonous.

And now I'm going to die.

President Trump has been impeached by the House of Representatives

for abuse of power.

Oh, shut up, silly woman, said the reptile with a grin.

You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in.