[Record scratch] [Ping!]

We're at the garden centre.

We did think about actually like going out into the wilderness

and chopping down our own tree

and bringing it back hom--yeah, all right.

But then we realised a)

we're actually not very big people

C: And I've been a bit ill this week, so

it's probably not the best idea for me to go axing things

J: Yeah, and no offense but you weigh like a feather.

Very strong there, darling; yeah, you're my big strong...big strong woman.

J: OK. C: I like this one!

J: And also b) I think it is illegal

to just chop down random trees.

But...we're finding some good ones.

J: Slight debate about size, but there we go.

C: I said six foot; Jessica wants eight foot. I said let's meet in the middle and have seven foot;

Jessica's like, "...Eight foot."

C: I'm like, "That's not meeting in the middle."

[Ping!]

[Jolly, festive music]

['Sparkly' sound effect]

J: OK, give me your pros and cons of this tree.

C: Well, I can't really see it myself.

[Jessica laughs]

J: OK, I'm liking the thickness at the base.

C: Nice height. J: It looks a little sparse on top, though.

C: OK, you want something a bit more bushy. J: It isn't attractive up here!

J: Nice down here, though.

J: Very nice.

J: Yes.

J: Yes. You model that tree.

['Sparkly' sound effect]

J: But, like, up there, what's that? No. [Buzzer sounds]

J: Terrible, move on.

J: Ooo, sexy tree.

J: But I like it. C: Look at the height of me.

J: The height of you compared to this tree... All right, fine.

J: Tree for the next house, geez.

J: Liking the bushiness down here; think this is good.

J: Up here - not so bad, actually.

C: I think it's a bit short, actually.

J: Ooh, you think it's short!

[Jolly, festive music]

J: Oh, yeah, OK. This one looks good.

J: Ooo. All right. Don't hate it.

J: Whoa, OK.

J: Whoa!

J: She's so strong.

C: It's quite nice evenly proportioned. J: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm OK with this!

C: Yeah. J: I mean...I'd love it to be at least two feet taller.

J: But...

[Claudia chuckles]

J: I guess I've got to be practical. C: I mean, it's tall enough.

[Jolly, festive music]

C: Look, two for £30.

J: Two for £30? Yeah, but you can't even put them in the--Claudia!

[Jessica laughs]

J: You've gotta look after the tree, goodness!

C: Sorry!

[Jolly, festive music]

J: Here we go.

J: Put the...

J: Down?

J: Will this go in this side?

J: And just like...pull through? C: Er, you have got more space on that side, dear.

J: OK!

[Jolly, festive music]

[Jessica struggling]

C: What are you doing?

C: Maybe...

J: It's stuck!

[Inaudible]

J: It's stuck; it's not me. I'm not just a weakling!

J: I'm probably a weakling, too, but...

[Jessica laughs]

C: I'll come in now...

J: [Laughing] OK. Do you not trust me?

[Jessica laughs]

J: Um...it's still not in. C: Oh.

[Jessica struggling]

J: My...hair! C: Put the seat forward.

C: Now lift the top; pull it forward.

[Jessica struggling]

[Continuing to struggle]

[Continuing to struggle] C: All right, that's in.

J: It's in! C: Well...

J: It's fine. OK! It's in.

C: Wooo!

[Instrumental 'Deck the Halls']

C: It's like--it just feels like you're driving a Go-Kart when you sit like this.

[Instrumental 'Deck the Halls']

C: Hello! J: Hello!

C: Nice bum selfie there.

C: [Inaudible] J: Hello, Walter!

J: You guys are doing a good job helping.

C: [Inaudible] J: Thanks, Walter. Thanks, Tilly.

J: Oop!

J: Look out, honey.

J: Good girl.

J: Feet in slippers.

J: Vital next step.

[Instrumental 'Deck the Halls' continues]

J: Don't mind me. Just holding up the tree by myself.

C: Doing a good job.

J: Stronger than I look!

Man's voice: No.

[Jolly, festive music]

J: OK. The tree is now standing!

C: Tilly's a little bit scared of the tree. J: Oh. Tilly's trying to run away

J: by getting onto my back, what's happening?!

J: Hi. C: Heyyy.

J: Is this safe for you, Matilda? I don't think so.

J: Are we ready?

C: Yaaay! J: Is it my job?

C: OK.

Mwah!

[Claudia titters]

[Jolly, festive music]

[Exclamations]

C: This is looking like a good tree! J: I say weird, but it's not really that weird.

J: It's quite nice, really.

[Both] Yaaay!

[Giggling]

J: [Inaudible] tree!

[Kissing sounds]

[Happy noises]

[Kissing sounds]

['Sparkly' sound effect]

[Calm, jolly music]

J: Hello!

J: I've put the lights on the tree, already.

And now I just have to put on...hundreds and hundreds of baubles.

I think the theme for this year's Christmas tree is 'light.'

Clearly!

I got a bit excited.

And I made Claud take me to the shop so I could buy a second set of seven hundred and fifty bulbs.

I feel it was worth it, though!

C: No... J: Look at that bokeh!

J: Look at it!

J: Look at it! ['Sparkly' sound effect]

[Martin Hall's 'We're Falling In Love' plays]

[Martin Hall's 'We're Falling In Love' plays]

[Laughing]

J: Just smile. [Happy noises]

[Eating noises] [Laughing]

[Laughing]

C: Love you. J: Love you, too, you fool.

[Martin Hall's 'We're Falling In Love' plays]

[Martin Hall's 'We're Falling In Love' plays]

J: Good girl!

[Martin Hall's 'We're Falling In Love' plays]

[Martin Hall's 'We're Falling In Love' plays]