Trying to get in shape, man.

試著維持身材啊！老兄。

But I hate going to the gym, so I decided I'd go veggie twice a week.

但我討厭去健身房，所以決定一週吃兩次素食。

It's brutal.

很殘酷啊！

I can only make it till about 5 o'clock.

我只能堅持到五點。

Five o'clock, that's what I realized about myself, you know that?

只能到五點鐘，而你知道這讓我認知到什麼嗎？

Something has to die every day in order for me to live.

每天都有東西死掉，就為了讓我存活。

Something's got to get its beak chopped off, its feathers yanked, uppercut to its jaw, just in order for me to survive.

鳥嘴被剁掉、羽毛被拉出來、下顎被用上鉤拳打，只是為了讓我活下去。

I'm trying!

我在試了！

Couscous and all that shit.

北非小米什麼的。

It's awful.

很糟糕。

I saw this thing, though.

但我看了一個東西。

They said if everybody went vegan, if everybody went vegan or vegetarian, whatever the hell they said.

他們說如果大家都開始吃純素、蛋奶素，或隨便哪種素。

One of those "V" ones, right?

反正就是ㄙ開頭的，對吧？

They said it'll be great for the environment, you know.

他們說會對環境很好。

I guess there's all this cattle standing around, and when they fart, the gas goes up in the atmosphere and causes something.

應該是因為有群牛站在那裡，他們放屁的時候，氣體會往上到大氣，造成一些事情。

Right?

對吧？

They're always doing that shit.

他們每次都鬼話連篇。

You know, "If everybody went vegan, the air would be—"

像是「如果大家都吃素，空氣會——」

"If everybody drove an electric car, if everybody just had some snowshoes on."

「如果大家都開電動車、如果大家都把雪鞋穿上。」

Right, they just won't come out and say it.

他們就是不肯直接說出問題。

Nobody has the balls to come out and just say, "Look, 85 percent of you have to go."

沒人有膽量站出來說：「聽著，八成五的你們都得死。」

That's it, that is it.

就是這樣。

I have been bitching about the population problem for three specials in a row.

我已經連續在三場特輯裡罵人口問題了。

Waiting for some politician to have the balls to bring it up, but they won't do it, they won't do it.

等著一些政治人物有膽量提起它，但他們通通不敢。

We live in a democracy, right?

我們生活在民主之中，對吧？

Can't be honest in a democracy.

你不能在民主下誠實。

You need the votes.

你需要票。

You can't run with that as your platform.

你不能用這種宣言競選。

Coming out there: "And if elected, I would implement a program to immediately eliminate at least 85 percent of you!"

出來劈頭就說：「如果我被選上，我會實施一項措施，立刻消滅你們至少八成五的人！」

"This planet cannot sustain the sheer numbers—let me finish!"

「這個星球不能承受所有的人口——讓我說完！」

"This will not be arbitrary."

「這不會是隨意的。」

"Under your seats is a multiple choice questionnaire!"

「你們的座位底下有多選的問卷！」

"If you did not bring a pencil, you're already out!"

「如果你沒帶鉛筆，你已經出局了！」

You can't do that.

你不能這樣。

You got to be nice.

你需要當好人。

You got to be fucking nice, especially this day and age, man.

你需要他 X 的友善，特別是在這個時代。

Everybody getting in trouble, all these goddamn groups out there, bitch, moaning and complaining anytime anybody says anything.

每個人都會陷入麻煩，那些天殺的團體，一天到晚因為某人說的某件事在抱怨。

"We're part of a group, eh."

「我們是團體中的人。」

You gotta apologize.

你必須道歉。

"I'm sorry to people who own Shar Peis."

「我對養沙皮狗的人道歉。」

"I didn't mean to say that it's an ugly-ass dog, nah."

「我不是故意說它是一種醜到爆的狗。」

Right?

對吧？

You know what, fuck you and your group.

誰想理你和你的團體。

What about that?

有團體又怎樣？

What do you got, two million people in your group?

你團體裡有兩百萬人嗎？

There's 400 million in this country.

這國家有四億人。

Nobody gives a shit.

誰想理你。

Right?

對吧？

Who the fuck joins a group?

到底誰會加入團體？

"I'm gonna join a group, that's what I'm gonna do today."

「我今天要加入一個團體，這就是我今天要做的事。」

Go to meetings.

參加團體會議。

What kind of a fucking loser, right?

這是怎樣的魯蛇啊，對吧？

That's the same way I look at people who got upset about, you know, Michael Sam, the gay football player kissing his boyfriend when he got drafted.

我就是這樣看待那些不爽 Michael Sam (同性戀美式足球員) 在被選上時親他男友的人。

Everybody bitch, moaning and complaining.

每個人都在抱怨、抱怨、抱怨。

It's like, dude, that's what you get for watching the draft, alright?

老兄，這本來就是你看選秀會看到的啊？

Now once again, what kind of a fucking loser just sits there watching round after round?

再說一次，到底哪種魯蛇會一遍又一遍的地看著選秀啊？

"The Jets are up next."

「紐約噴氣機隊等等上場。」

"I think they need a quarterback."

「我覺得他們需要一個四分衛。」

"They need to improve their defensive line."

「他們需要加強防守線。」

Dude, that's like going to a graduation ceremony where you don't know anybody who's graduating.

老兄，這就像參加一場畢業典禮，但你根本不知道有誰要畢業。

You're just fucking sitting there.

你只是他 X 的坐在那裡。

They're gonna have the whole list the next day.

他們隔天會把整個單子列出來。

They'll have everybody, who drafted who, when.

誰選上了誰、何時選上的。

Fucking got to sit there and watch that shit.

他 X 的得坐在那裡看那種東西。

Those stupid interviews.

那些白痴訪問。

"Yeah, you're a member of the Buffalo Bills."

「嗯，你是水牛城比爾隊的一員。」

"How does it feel?"

「你有什麼感受？」

"Well, you know, it's a blessing."

「你知道的，這是個福氣。」

"I want to thank God."

「我要謝謝上帝。」

"Gonna try to do my best, it's a great organization, and the same shit the last 80 guys said, so yeah"

「我會盡全力、這是個很棒的組織，就跟前面八十個人說的東西一樣。」

Yeah.

對啊。

I'm glad he kissed him.

我很高興他親了他。

He should have fucking blown him.

他根本應該幫他吹喇巴。

Yeah!

沒錯！

With birthday cake in his mouth and a Santa Claus hat on his head, just to ruin the entire year.

嘴裡放生日蛋糕，頭頂戴上聖誕老公公帽，把一整年毀掉。

Holding a flag that fucks up Flag Day.

拿著旗幟，毀掉美國國旗日。

You'll keep thinking about it.

你會一直想著這件事。

Yeah.

沒錯。

Fucking stupid-ass groups.

他 X 的笨蛋團體。

People apologizing to them like they have some sort of power.

人們對他們道歉，好像他們有什麼權力一樣。

Look, if you're being a dick, apologize.

聽著，如果你做了爛事，就道歉。

But other than that, yeah, go fuck yourself.

但沒有的話，就不要他 X 的理別人。