thinking: wow Jessica what a downer of a way to start your Christmas uploads and

you're not wrong, but you're not right either let me explain.

I have two pretty complex disabilities that intersect and that come with a

range of symptoms I tend to group these symptoms- chronic fatigue, chronic pain

brain fog, memory loss... under the heading of chronic illness because they affect

my daily life and they're changeable. Whereas my disability itself doesn't

changes it's always there i.e my chronic illness is good today but

my disabilities still just as their as it was last week and just as bare as it

will be next week.

Neither my chronic illness nor my disability or things that

normally stop me from doing anything

That is not true! I just like to think it is

I've been releasing two videos a week

since January I mean sometimes three sometimes one but

it all kind balances out not important Jessica and I was really looking forward

to vlogmas even though having done it twice in the past I do know it

is a lot of work [sight]

I planed to film throughout November making sure that I

had so much content and I'd be really ahead of myself and and I'd pushed

through and I'd go above and beyond to make this year the reason amazingly

Christmas thing ever and I was pushing and pushing and

pushing and I started hand-drawing Christmas cards in the middle of packing for a

transatlantic flight that was a very last-minute thing anyway

I mean I think

even by the standards of able-bodied people I've had what some people would

call a year!

Stuff just keeps happening and exactly four weeks ago today I was

planning to go to a vintage fair I was going to film b-roll for the many

Christmas videos that I was going to put out and also get some outfits for my

Christmas Advent outfit challenge that I do on Instagram

You can follow me on

Instagram here but I woke up feeling like my head was exploded vomited

everywhere and then had to be rushed to hospital and was then forced to take

three weeks off so I couldn't film ahead anyway I've been pushing myself so

hard that I effectively shot myself in the foot

Again I've had a year that even abled-body people would think was punishing

I wanted everything to be great and perfect but in the end it

almost didn't happen I messed up and I think that feeling is

pretty common around Christmas

We so want everything to be perfect and

the way we think it should be that we push ourselves to the limit and then

beyond and that isn't fun for anyone

My wife Claudia says I didn't mess up my

body just rebels against me but I am taking this one personally in a good way!

I'm learning a lesson and being kind to myself I'm going to make great content

but not be a perfectionist about it I'm going to make a lovely Christmas but

not insist on hand making everything

Did you know you can buy ready-made mince pies Jessica?

Did you also know that no one in your family likes mince pies?

Chill woman!

It's disability History Month so for the Friday's in December

I'm going to be focusing on different disability related topics they're going

to be two profiles of amazing disabled people and also live streams yay one of

which happened yesterday you can go watch that back if you haven't already

I'll also be releasing videos every week as I was going to but you know not everyday

Not everyday...

And then I'm going to do a really special new thing that I'm

incredibly excited about called Christmastide where instead of making 25

videos in a row for vlogmas and getting really stressed about it i'm going to

make 12 videos in a row following the original days of Christmas which is the

25th of December to the 5th of January.

12 videos one every day and they will be

wonderfully exciting I am sure and based on a range of topics.

So not just blogs more kind of thinking pieces but with a bit of blogging mixed

in because Christmas.

My plan is to keep you updated on exactly when videos are

coming out and what they will be about using the community tab here on my

youtube channel which you can find by going to my youtube channel and clicking

the community tab...

I will be posting daily throughout December you can also

find out what's going on by clicking on Twitter or following me on Instagram

Instagram, where is this going?

As I mentioned on Instagram I'm going to be doing my Christmas Advent outfit challenge where

I wear a Christmas themed outfit every single day of Advent that means starting

today you can go and see what I'm wearing today on my Instagram

I'll admit that is a lie

I'm actually on a plane right now as you watch this and you can

join in using the hashtag #festiveJKF and I want to see all of your Advent

based outfits please make it as Christmassy or as holiday-ish if you

don't celebrate Christmas as you possibly can

I'm very excited, other fun ways you can get involved in Christmastide through my

PO box because as part of the Christmas tide there will be a PO Box

unboxing video where Claudia and I will open the wonderful gifts that you have

sent by the way if you don't want them on camera please do write that on the

outside on the letter thank you

Ahh and finally thank you so much for sticking

with me through everything you are the best I do love you with all my heart

Dear Lord...

Also subscribe if you haven't already I love you I hope you're having

a wonderful start to your festive season [blows kiss]