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Hey there, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create
a business and a life you love. And this whole shindig is Q&A Tuesday. Today’s question
comes from Kara and she writes:
“Hi Marie. I went into partnership with my best friend. Sometimes it’s extremely
hard to talk to her because she reverts to our friendship and ends up taking everything
personally. We write a blog and none of her articles are ever spell checked and her grammar
is horrendous. I haven’t been able to tell her this exactly, instead I say, ‘We should
both take a writing class,’ or, ‘We both need to be spell checking before publishing,’
but this approach still has not made her change. I need to find ways for us to better communicate
so we stop having all this pent up aggression towards each other and actually get things
done. I really need your help. What can I do?”
Kara, this is a great question. And you know what? I think we should take a class together
on how not to be passive aggressive. What do you think? Do you think that sounds good?
Or does it sound like total BS? Because you know when I’m saying “we,” I really
mean “you.”
Now, Kara, I know I’m poking a bit of fun here and we all do the passive aggressive
thing from time to time, but being direct is really the best way to go. It’s the most
loving, caring, and respectful way to communicate with your friend and, of course, get more
things done.
I’m speaking from experience here because I work with my friends on a regular basis
and I totally get that it can be a tricky balance. But being direct is a skillset that
anybody can develop and master.
So here are 4 steps to being more direct with your business partner.
Step number one, communicate in real time. Do not let days, weeks, or months go by if
something upsets you. You wanna clear the air fast and forgive completely.
So, for example, one time I was working with my friend, let’s call her Sarah, and she
was a few minutes late and I found myself frustrated. So instead of letting it fester,
I said, “Hey before we start, I just wanna clear the air so there’s no weirdness. It’s
really important to me that you’re on time and when you’re not I’m thrown off. And
I don’t wanna come across like a hardass or a nag, and I’m not trying to make you
feel bad, but going forward, I’d love you to be on time, is that cool?”

After that Sarah and I had a great chat, we had an awesome working day, and we still
work together all the time.
Step number two, own your experience and your feelings, don’t blame the other person.
So sticking with the example above, I was feeling frustrated but it wasn’t Sarah’s
fault. I had expectations about her being on time, but I didn't communicate them clearly,
so that was my responsibility.
So my feelings are my feelings. She didn't cause them. By me really owning my experience
and then communicating what I’d love to see happen moving forward, she wasn’t put
on the defensive. It was win/win.
Step number three, say what you mean. In your question you said, “We should take a writing
class,” or, “We should spell check,” and that’s not really what you meant, now
is it Kara? I know that being direct isn’t always easy, so I want you to try this.
When you’re by yourself, you wanna say the unedited version aloud or write it down, and
then you get to clean it up before you say it for real. So, for example, your unedited
version may sound something like, “You never spell check your work and it’s making us
both look like f****** idiots. You’re being lazy and it pisses me off.”
So now that you got that out of you, you can clean it up and say something like, “I want
us to be taken seriously and that means our emails need to be free from spelling and grammar
mistakes. I’m not perfect, but I spell check my work, and it’s really important to me
that you do the same. Will you start spell checking moving forward, even if it’s a
pain?”
Or you can ask, “How can I support you so you don't have to remember on your own and
I don't have to be a nag? Is it helpful if I remind you before we publish something?
Should we put a new system in place to check our work?”
By the way, this is a great thing to do both in business and in personal relationships.
Step number four, make it safe and easy for people to be direct with you too.
One way I make it really safe and easy for my friends is I give them an easy out. Here’s
what I mean, I’ll tell my friend about a project I wanna work on with them and I’ll
say something like, “Hey, does this sound like fun for you or is it more like a meh
thing that you really don't wanna do? I’m fine either way.”
So, Kara, I suggest that you guys sit down and have a conversation and you wanna start
with your shared goal to make your business the best it can be. Let her know that you’re
open to hearing any ideas for improvement. You wanna know where she thinks the business
needs to go to the next level. And if any of those areas involve you, that you’re
not gonna take her feedback personally. That really creates a safe space for her to be
direct with you, too. And you may be surprised. You may have some habits that are driving
her absolutely nuts, so you have to really be receptive and be open to listening.

So, Kara, there you have it. Four ways to be more direct with your business partner.
And, remember, being direct does not mean you have to be nasty or confrontational. It’s
all about communicating with tact. And as Isaac Newton said, and, yes, it’s a tweetable:
“Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.”
So, Kara, that was my A to your Q, hope you enjoyed it. Let us know how it goes. Now I
would love to hear from you. Do you have something you’ve been wanting to say but you haven’t
been able to say it in a direct way? If so, I want you to use tip number three, say what
you mean, and in the comments below first write up the unedited version, so just say
it, and then below it write the cleaned up version in a direct and compassionate way.
Now, of course, if you have more to say on this topic I would love to hear that too.
As always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go
there and leave a comment now.
Did you like this video? If so, subscribe and share it with your friends. And if you
want even more great resources to create a business and a life that you love plus some
extra insight from me that I only talk about in email, come on over to MarieForleo.com
and sign up for email updates. Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because
the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and
I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.
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溝通戰略 (Communication Strategies)

1511 分類 收藏
姚易辰 發佈於 2014 年 3 月 29 日
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