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  • [ Silence ]

    [沉默]

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • >> So I'm going to start by walking you into a scene

    >>所以,我'要先帶你走進一個現場

  • in a movie and then I want y'all to tell me what happens next.

    在一部電影中,然後我希望y'都能告訴我接下來會發生什麼。

  • Okay, here's my black, Christmas eve, beautiful night,

    好了,這就是我的黑色,聖誕夜,美麗的夜晚。

  • light snowfall, young family of four in the car on the way

    小雪,年輕的四口之家,在路上的汽車上。

  • to grandma's house for dinner.

    到奶奶家吃飯。

  • They're listening to the radio station,

    他們在聽廣播電臺。

  • the one that starts playing the Christmas music

    那個開始播放聖誕音樂的人

  • like right at Halloween.

    就像在萬聖節一樣

  • [laughter] Jingle Bells comes on.

    [笑聲] 鈴兒響叮噹的聲音響起。

  • The kids in the backseat goes crazy,

    後座的孩子們都瘋了。

  • everyone breaks into song.

    每個人都打破了歌曲。

  • The camera pans in on the faces of the kids, the mom,

    鏡頭平移到孩子們的臉上,媽媽。

  • dad, what happens next?

    爸爸,接下來會發生什麼?

  • Car crash, 60% of people say car crash, 60%.

    車禍,六成人說車禍,六成。

  • Another 10% to 15% have equally fatalistic answers [laughter]

    另外10%到15%的人的答案同樣是宿命論[笑聲] 。

  • but more creative.

    但更有創意。

  • [laughter] I have the camera cuts to the oncologist

    [笑]我有相機切到腫瘤醫生。

  • who is just looking at the bad news that he is going

    誰只是看著他要去的壞消息。

  • to share the day after Christmas.

    來分享聖誕節後的一天。

  • I have they get to grandmother's house, everyone is dead,

    我有他們得到奶奶'的房子,每個人都死了。

  • a serial killer is on the loose.

    一個連環殺手在逃。

  • [laughter] And I had one dude who worked

    [笑]我有一個紈絝子弟誰的工作。

  • in a shark attack, I did.

    在鯊魚攻擊,我做到了。

  • What's interesting to me about this

    我對這個有意思的地方是

  • and it's an indictment a little bit of the media,

    和它'是一個起訴一點點的媒體。

  • which I wouldn't so much care about except

    我不會那麼多的關心,除了

  • that I'm a vulnerability researcher

    我是一個漏洞研究者。

  • and I've spent the last 10 years studying vulnerability

    我花了10年的時間研究脆弱性。

  • and I cannot tell you how many hundreds and hundreds of stories

    我不知道有多少個成百上千的故事。

  • that I've collected from people

    我從人們那裡收集到的

  • who that is their response not just to media

    誰,是他們的反應,不僅是媒體

  • but in their real lives.

    但在他們的現實生活中。

  • How many parents I've interviewed who will say

    我採訪過多少父母,他們會說

  • and I'm looking at my children and they're sleeping and I'm

    我看著我的孩子們,他們在睡覺,而我

  • on this verge of bliss

    沾沾自喜

  • and I picture something horrible happening.

    我想象著一些可怕的事情發生。

  • Do you know this?

    你知道嗎?

  • Yes. I get the promotion and I get to fly

    是的,我升職了,我可以坐飛機了

  • up to headquarters you know to find out about my new job

    去總部看看我的新工作吧。

  • and what's going to happen, plane crashes.

    和什麼'會發生,飛機墜毀。

  • The fatalistic response is not universal.

    宿命論的反應並不普遍。

  • We're not all like that.

    我們&39;不是所有的人都是這樣的。

  • But it is a symptom of an issue that is both universal

    但這是一個普遍性的問題的症狀。

  • and I believe profoundly dangerous.

    而且我認為是非常危險的。

  • And that is we are losing our tolerance for vulnerability.

    那就是我們正在失去對脆弱的容忍度。

  • And in our culture we, what do we think is synonymous

    而在我們的文化中,我們認為什麼是同義詞?

  • with vulnerability, weakness.

    與脆弱、軟弱。

  • Y'all are an excellent audience.

    y'都是優秀的觀眾。

  • [laughter] It's almost as if I trained you.

    [笑]這幾乎就像我訓練你。

  • It's perfect.

    它的完美。

  • Weakness, and I'm going to talk

    弱點,我就說說吧

  • about how that's not the case tonight.

    關於今晚的情況如何'不是這樣。

  • Vulnerability is absolutely at the core of fear and anxiety

    脆弱絕對是恐懼和焦慮的核心。

  • and shame and very difficult emotions that we all experience

    和恥辱以及我們都經歷過的非常困難的情緒。

  • but vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, of love,

    但脆弱也是快樂、愛的誕生地。

  • of belonging, of creativity, of faith,

    的歸屬感、創造力、信仰。

  • and so it becomes very problematic

    於是就很麻煩

  • when as a culture we lose our capacity to be vulnerable.

    當作為一種文化,我們失去了脆弱的能力。

  • So this kind of fatalistic car crash is a symptom.

    所以這種宿命論的車禍是一種症狀。

  • I refer to it as foreboding joy.

    我把它稱為預感的喜悅。

  • One of the symptoms that we're losing our capacity

    我們正在失去我們的能力的症狀之一。

  • for vulnerability is that joy actually becomes foreboding.

    對於脆弱的是,快樂實際上變成了預感。

  • Something good happens or we're looking at someone we love

    有好的事情發生,或者我們正在尋找我們所愛的人。

  • or we're thinking about something we care about

    或者我們正在思考一些我們關心的事情。

  • and then we become compelled to beat vulnerability to the punch.

    然後,我們就不得不把脆弱打得體無完膚。

  • Other symptoms, disappointment as a lifestyle,

    其他症狀,失望作為一種生活方式。

  • it is much easier to live disappointment then it is

    人生得意須盡歡

  • to feel disappointment and so this is the person in the

    感到失望,所以這是在的人。

  • after school movie that I don't want to play your stupid game

    放學後的電影,我不'想玩你的愚蠢的遊戲。

  • because it's dumb and boring and because really maybe

    因為它的愚蠢和無聊,因為真的也許

  • because nobody will ask me.

    因為沒有人會問我。

  • We sidestep getting excited about something

    我們避開了激動的東西

  • because we're not sure it's actually going to happen.

    因為我們'不確定它'是否真的會發生。

  • Low grade disconnection, is another symptom

    低級失聯,是另一個症狀。

  • of vulnerability avoidance.

    避開脆弱性;

  • We go through the motions.

    我們按部就班。

  • It's like low grade fever.

    就像低燒一樣。

  • It may not kill us but it keeps us pretty miserable.

    它可能不會殺死我們,但它讓我們相當痛苦。

  • Perfection is one of the, I call it the 200 pound shield,

    完美是其中之一,我稱它為200磅的盾牌。

  • how can anything go wrong if my life looks like an ad?

    如果我的生活看起來像一個廣告,怎麼會有什麼問題?

  • I'm going to perform and please

    我要去表演了,請你去。

  • and make sure everything's perfect.

    並確保一切'的完美。

  • And perfectionism has nothing to do with striving for excellence.

    而完美主義與追求卓越無關。

  • It's nothing to do with healthy striving.

    這'與健康的奮鬥無關。

  • Healthy strive, people who I interview

    健康奮鬥,我採訪的人

  • who are absolutely accomplished and people who strive

    有志者事竟成,有志者事竟成

  • for excellence are the biggest negotiators and compromisers

    追求卓越的人是最大的談判者和妥協者。

  • that I've ever interviewed.

    的,我'過採訪。

  • Perfection is a tool to protect ourselves.

    完美是保護自己的工具。

  • Extremism is a very simple equation,

    極端主義是一個很簡單的等式。

  • faith minus vulnerability equals extremism.

    信仰減去脆弱性等於極端主義。

  • Faith is the vulnerability that flows

    信仰是流露出來的脆弱

  • between the shores of certainty.

    在確定的兩岸之間。

  • Faith without vulnerability,

    信仰而不脆弱。

  • spirituality is inherently vulnerable.

    靈性本來就很脆弱。

  • It is believing in things we don't understand

    這是相信我們不理解的事情。

  • or really can't see.

    還是真的看不到。

  • And last I believe the most universal way

    最後我相信最普遍的方式

  • that we are dealing with an intolerance for vulnerability

    我們正在處理不容忍脆弱性的問題

  • in our culture is that we numb and I'll talk

    在我們的文化是,我們麻木和我'會說話。

  • about this in a minute.

    關於這個在一分鐘內。

  • Let's go to a bigger question

    讓我們進入一個更大的問題。

  • and that is what is driving this intolerance

    而這正是推動這種不容忍的原因

  • for vulnerability in us?

    對於我們身上的弱點?

  • And I believe the answer is scarcity.

    而我相信答案是稀缺性。

  • We live in a culture that tells us that there is never enough.

    我們生活在一種文化中,這種文化告訴我們,永遠都不夠。

  • That we are not enough, that we are not good enough,

    我們還不夠,我們還不夠好。

  • that we are not safe enough,

    我們還不夠安全。

  • that we can never be certain enough,

    我們永遠無法確定

  • that we're not perfect enough and maybe the one

    我們還不夠完美,也許是我們還不夠完美

  • that we really don't talk

    我們真的不說話

  • about that I think is perhaps the most dangerous is

    關於這一點,我想也許是最危險的是。

  • that we are not extraordinary enough.

    我們還不夠非凡。

  • In this world somehow an ordinary life has become

    在這個世界上,平凡的生活不知怎的就變得

  • synonymous with a meaningless life.

    毫無意義的生活的代名詞。

  • And so often we are missing what is truly important

    所以我們往往錯過了真正重要的東西。

  • because we are on the quest for what is extraordinary,

    因為我們是在追求不平凡的東西。

  • not understanding that in our ordinary lives,

    在我們平時的生活中不瞭解。

  • in the ordinary moments of our lives is really

    在我們生活中的平凡時刻,其實

  • where we can find the most joy.

    在那裡我們可以找到最快樂的地方。

  • One of the things that happens I think in our culture

    我認為在我們的文化中,發生的事情之一是:

  • of scarcity is that we are constantly collecting images

    稀缺性是我們不斷地收集影像。

  • and messages and experiences, I think it's unconscious.

    和資訊和經驗,我認為它'是無意識的。

  • I really don't think that we're aware of how many messages

    我真的不認為我們意識到有多少資訊。

  • and images of scarcity that we collect every day.

    以及我們每天收集的稀缺性影像。

  • And I want to tell a story about something that happened

    我想講一個故事 關於發生的事情

  • about six months ago that I think really illustrates this.

    大約六個月前,我認為真正說明了這一點。

  • So I have to catch a flight to go do a talk somewhere

    所以我得趕飛機去某個地方做演講。

  • and my daughter's, you know I have a five year old

    和我的女兒,你知道我有一個五歲的。

  • and an 11 year old, and my daughter is really struggling

    和一個11歲的孩子,和我的女兒真的很困難。

  • with a school project.

    與學校項目。

  • I am definitely in the scarcity mode.

    我絕對是稀缺模式。

  • I shouldn't be going.

    我不應該去。

  • I'm not a good enough mom.

    我不是一個足夠好的媽媽。

  • I can't balance all of this.

    我無法平衡這一切。

  • I have to go to my bank, which is inside of a grocery store,

    我得去我的銀行,那是在一家雜貨店裡面。

  • which is, I don't know if that happens here

    這是,我不知道如果發生在這裡

  • but in Texas all the banks have moved inside the grocery stores.

    但在德州,所有的銀行都搬到了雜貨店裡面。

  • [laughter] So I walk into the grocery store sliding glass,

    [笑]所以我走進雜貨店的滑動玻璃。

  • you know the sliding glass doors

    你知道滑動玻璃門

  • and there's a big code Adam sticker, which tells,

    並有'的大代碼亞當貼紙,這告訴。

  • if you don't know what that is,

    如果你不知道那是什麼。

  • it's an incredibly important program but it's a program

    它是一個非常重要的程序,但它是一個程序。

  • that says this store and its employees are trained

    說這家店和它的員工都受過訓練

  • that when a child has gone missing or nabbed,

    當一個孩子失蹤或被抓時;

  • everything in the store shuts down.

    店裡的所有東西都關閉了。

  • So I look at that and I think oh God, okay, just stay focused,

    所以我看著這些,我想哦,天啊,好吧,你就專心點吧。

  • Renee, no one is going to nab your kids while you're away.

    Renee,沒有人要抓你的孩子,而你'離開。

  • I go and get my money.

    我去拿我的錢。

  • I get back in the car and get on the freeway toward the airport

    我回到車上,上了高速公路,向機場駛去。

  • and I pass the Amber Alert, keep driving, Renee, keep driving.

    我通過安珀警報, 繼續駕駛,Renee,繼續駕駛。

  • About two miles past the Amber Alert there's a sign

    過了安珀警報大約兩英里,有一個標誌。

  • that tells me that 39 people have been killed

    這告訴我,39人已經被殺

  • on that specific stretch of highway [laughter]

    在那段特定的公路上[笑]

  • and please wear my seatbelt.

    請繫上我的安全帶

  • Then I get to the airport and of course I'm in line

    然後,我到了機場,當然,我'排隊。

  • to security getting naked

    向保全脫光

  • and I hear the threat code has been moved to orange.

    我聽說威脅代碼已經被移到橙色。

  • And then I go through this thing that I'm like oh my God,

    然後我經歷了這件事,我'我喜歡哦,我的上帝。

  • holy crap, is it always orange.

    神聖的廢話,它總是橙色的。

  • You know I was like I'm going to start writing on my hand

    你知道我就像我'要開始寫在我的手。

  • with a Sharpie, it's always orange.

    用夏普筆,它總是橙色的。

  • Orange is not, you know, hasn't gone bad.

    橙色不是,你知道,還沒有變壞。

  • I'm like what is it?

    我'像什麼呢?

  • Okay so I'm like orange, okay, it's orange.

    好吧,所以我'像橙色,好吧,它'的橙色。

  • I think it was orange yesterday.

    我想昨天是橙色的。

  • [laughter] Maybe something happened

    [笑] 也許發生了什麼事

  • and I was busy reading the Amber Alert,

    而我正忙著看安珀警報。

  • then trying to find a license plate.

    然後試圖找到一個車牌。

  • So I get to my gate and I sit down and they're

    所以,我到了我的門,我坐下來,他們'。

  • like do not leave unattended baggage, you know and I look

    像不要離開無人看管的行李,你知道和我看

  • down and there's a bag.

    下來,有'的一個袋子。

  • [laughter] And I'm like oh my God, wait, it's a diaper bag

    [笑]和我一樣,哦,我的上帝,等待,這是一個尿布袋。

  • and I know that mother is like 10 feet away chasing her kid

    我知道那個媽媽就在10英尺外追她的孩子。

  • and I'm like but I saw this on Law and Order [laughter]

    和我一樣,但我看到這個法律和秩序[笑]。

  • and I'm going to board that plane

    我將登上那架飛機。

  • and then the next thing you're going to hear is chink, chink,

    然後接下來你'會聽到的是叮噹,叮噹。

  • that Law and Order chink and then we're going to blow up.

    那法律和秩序的縫隙,然後我們'要炸燬。

  • So I get on the plane and I'm really getting ready to start,

    所以我上了飛機,我'真的準備開始了。

  • I'm in kind of what you would call,

    我在你所謂的那種。

  • I would say, an anxiety attack.

    我會說,焦慮症發作了。

  • So I'm having an anxiety attack and a guy comes in,

    所以,我'有一個焦慮症發作,一個人進來。

  • I'm flying business class and a guy comes in

    我坐商務艙的時候,有個人進來了

  • and he's sitting next to me.

    而他就坐在我旁邊。

  • He turns out to be a supply chain manager consultant.

    他原來是一個供應鏈經理顧問。

  • And so he looks over and he's like, are you okay?

    所以他看過來,他'的樣子,你還好嗎?

  • I'm good. What's up?

    我很好怎麼了?

  • And my phone rings and my son's face pops up.

    而我的手機響了,兒子'的臉就彈了出來。

  • Well he's five so that means his school is calling.

    好吧,他'五,所以這意味著他的學校是調用。

  • Hello, Charlie's got a fever.

    你好,查理髮燒了。

  • Can you come get him?

    你能來接他嗎?

  • So I'm like you know I text my husband.

    所以我'像你知道我給我老公發短信。

  • I take care of it.

    我會處理好的

  • And the guy next to me says really, are you okay?

    旁邊的人說真的,你還好嗎?

  • By this time you know the cabin doors are closed.

    這個時候你就知道機艙門已經關閉了。

  • And I said you know what, I'm good.

    我說你知道嗎,我'很好。

  • But I'm having that thing

    但我有那個東西

  • where I can't decide whether my gut is saying get off the flight

    在那裡我不能決定是否我的直覺是說下車的班機。

  • something's going to happen or I'm just freaking out

    我不知道會發生什麼,我只是嚇壞了

  • and I'm trying to figure out how to do something crazy enough

    我正在想辦法做一些足夠瘋狂的事情。

  • to get off the flight but to not end up on the no fly list.

    為了下飛機,但為了不被列入禁飛名單。

  • [laughter] So this, I'm a super blast to fly with.

    所以,這個,我'是一個超級爆炸的飛行。

  • [laughter] So then he said let me get you a drink.

    [笑]所以,然後他說,讓我給你喝一杯。

  • And I said you know, I don't drink.

    我說你知道,我不喝酒。

  • And he goes Xanax?

    他去了Xanax?

  • And I was like, no, I don't do Xanax either,

    我當時想,不,我也不做Xanax。

  • which is a shame but I don't.

    這是一個恥辱,但我不'。

  • But then when I realize is it really makes me think

    但當我意識到這一點時,它真的讓我覺得。

  • about my work because we numb vulnerability.

    關於我的工作,因為我們麻木了脆弱。

  • Now had he said chips and queso,

    現在他說的是薯片和奶酪。

  • that would have been a completely different issue.

    這將是一個完全不同的問題。

  • [laughter] Evidence of the numbing,

    [笑] 麻木的證據。

  • we are the most addicted, we are the most medicated,

    我們是最上癮的,我們是最吃藥的。

  • obese and in debt adult cohort in human history.

    人類歷史上肥胖和負債的成年群體。

  • We're numbing and this doesn't even include business.

    我們'麻木了,這還不包括生意。

  • I didn't even put the busy slide up.

    我甚至沒有把忙碌的幻燈片放上去。

  • You know when they start having busy recovering meetings they'll

    你知道,當他們開始有繁忙的恢復會議,他們'將

  • have to, busy 12 step meetings, they'll have to rent

    要,忙於12步會議,他們'將不得不租用。

  • out football stadiums because we just stay so busy that the truth

    因為我們太忙了,以至於事實的真相。

  • of our lives just can't catch up but that's the plan.

    我們的生活只是不能趕上,但這'計劃。

  • And so what are the consequences of numbing vulnerability?

    那麼麻木脆弱的後果是什麼呢?

  • What are the consequences of trying

    嘗試的後果是什麼?

  • to beat vulnerability to the punch?

    將弱勢打得落花流水?

  • Here's the consequence to numbing that I've learned.

    這裡'是我學到的麻木的後果。

  • You know as a vulnerability researcher I've spent the first

    你知道作為一個漏洞研究者,我'已經花了第一。

  • six years of my research studying shame, empathy

    六年來我對羞恥感、同情心的研究。

  • and courage and the last four years studying joy,

    和勇氣,以及過去四年研究快樂。

  • authenticity, love and belonging.

    真實性、愛和歸屬感。

  • And one of the things that I learned that was very startling

    而我學到的一件事,是非常驚人的。

  • for me personally and everyone I've ever met is

    對於我個人和我所見過的每個人都是

  • that you cannot selectively numb emotion.

    你不能選擇性地麻痺情緒。

  • When we numb the dark emotion, when we numb vulnerability

    當我們麻痺了黑暗的情緒,當我們麻痺了脆弱的情緒

  • and fear and shame of not being good enough,

    以及對自己不夠好的恐懼和羞愧。

  • we by default numb joy.

    我們默認麻木的快樂。

  • We cannot selectively just numb the dark emotions.

    我們不能選擇性地只麻痺黑暗的情緒。

  • We have interesting research around this.

    圍繞這個問題,我們有有趣的研究。

  • We have research that shows us in addition studies

    我們有研究表明,我們除了研究

  • that an intensely positive experience is as likely

    一個強烈的積極的經驗是很可能的。

  • to trigger relapse as an intensely negative experience.

    以引發復發,作為一種強烈的負面體驗。

  • Let me tell you, if vulnerability is a sharp edge,

    讓我告訴你,如果脆弱是一把利刃。

  • there may be nothing sharper than joy, to let yourself soften

    沒有什麼比快樂更犀利的了,讓自己軟化吧

  • into loving someone, to caring

    到愛一個人,到關心

  • about something passionately, that's vulnerable.

    關於一些激情的東西,那'的脆弱。