"Are you a girl or a boy?"

and wanting to say, "Neither,"

or wanting to say, "Both."

If you are genderqueer, if you're non-binary,

if you're transgender, you're a freak.

Growing up, that message was definitely

something I heard every day.

I learned that if I wanted to get along,

or if I wanted to pass, I had to dress like a girl,

even though I didn't feel like a girl.

I remember googling, "Are you an alcoholic?"

and not thinking,

people who drink normally don't wonder that? [laughs]

That's not a normal people question.

I liked drinking and I liked using because it was like,

all of a sudden, all of the anxiety

and the discomfort I felt in my body,

and my shame,

all of it,

my circumstances, my surroundings, all of it was gone.

I struggled from between 18 and 23.

I really struggled.

At that point. I was using speed

every day,

and cocaine when I could get it

and opioids when I could get them.

I finally stopped drinking

in 2007, a couple of months after my 23rd birthday.

[music]

It's been an adventure,

truly an adventure.

I have found in myself,

resources and creativity and passion

that I didn't think were in there at all.

I'm finally discovering who I am.

All I had to do is not drink and use

and also be open to changing a lot of things about myself.

For me, that means

understanding that my gender is not what I thought it was.

This is who I am.

I heard every day that there was something wrong with me

and I believed it,

and I used alcohol to medicate my pain.

When I look at myself now

I see not only someone who has survived but I see a success.

[music]