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Erm, I got married recently.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thanks for playing along.
That's why I moved here. I married a British guy.
SCATTERED CHEERING
That lack of whooping when I say the word "British,"
that is the self-loathing I signed on for.
I love you guys.
I'm never going back!
So, he's British.
I married him for free health care, basically.
I know, right?
Not even a joke. Like, nothing turns an American on -
a decent personality, hot-rod bod -
I don't give a shit, OK?
Nothing is as good as being like,
"I can get all my moles removed for free?!"
Ahhhhh!
So hot, right? OK.
And anyway...
Jokes aside, erm...
It is genuinely this really exciting time
in my relaysh because I'm expecting. That's real.
That's real!
CHEERING
To have an affair. Now...
LAUGHTER
Here's the issue, right?
So, my husband and I, we've been together now for eight years
and this thing has started happening where people...like, people talk
about the seven-year itch. That's what gets the airtime.
And I got that. Didn't scratch it.
Thank you.
Mistake. Thank you!
Because now I have what I've coined the eight-year rash.
It happens about eight years in. Right?
And it's where whatever it is that initially draws you to someone,
eight years later,
that's the same shit that repels you.
See, I meet a guy, right?
In the beginning, fun and games, right?
In the beginning, you're like...
GIGGLES COYLY
You're, erm,
you're a little dirty, but...
GIGGLES
..I like it.
Eight years later.
Wash your balls!
Water and soap, asshole.
Ma'am, you're welcome.
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When Americans date the English... | Live At The Apollo - BBC

10 分類 收藏
林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 3 月 26 日
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