Creatures... I feel like I have had a lot of professional dealings

with animals.

I did a film with a lion once.

Had to shoot with it, a lion, you know, a wild lion.

Well, I say wild. He's been in films.

LAUGHTER

And so I arrived to shoot this scene,

and the first thing I noticed,

the camera crew were in a steel cage.

Only big enough to contain the camera crew.

I thought, I'd better ask some basic safety questions.

I said, what is the sort of safety thing here with this wild lion?

They said, "The first thing is we make sure before the lion works,

"we make sure he has sex, just to take the edge off."

I do that!

And I said, "I'm not particularly worried about...

"I'm not worried about a randy lion.

"I'm more worried about the eating kind."

They said, "That's all right because we will the lion.

"We won't feed him too much because then he'll go to sleep."

And I said, "Again, that's not really..."

Because I know what it's like, you open a packet of crisps,

you have one, but then you want more, don't you?

And the third thing they said, the third sort of safety measure,

was that "The lion's downhill, and he's very lazy

"and he probably won't chase you."

And again I was just not really reassured by this,

and I said to the chap, you know,

"If it does happen, what are you supposed to do?"

And he took great delight, this South African handler,

took great delight in telling me that if a lion charges you -

useful advice - you have to reach back...

..you take a handful of shit

and you throw it in the lion's face.

And I obviously said, "Where do you get the shit from?"

And he said, "Don't worry, it'll be there!"