the Hedgehog. The difference between a hedgehog and a porcupine is that

刺蝟刺蝟和豪豬的區別在於

porcupines have no moral courage

豪豬無道德勇氣

and they are imaginary. Porcupines don't exist.

它們是虛構的。豪豬並不存在。

A hedgehog has two parts:

刺蝟有兩個部分：

a spiny exoskeleton and a fleshy underbelly called "the scrotum," by idiots.

它有一個帶刺的外骨骼和一個肉質的腹部，傻瓜們稱之為 "陰囊"。

In nature, the diet of a hedgehog consists of small insects, leaves, and grass and the tears of angels,

在自然界中，刺蝟的食物包括小昆蟲、樹葉、草和天使的眼淚、

which taste like chicken tears. The hedgehog is technically a legume.

味道像雞眼淚。嚴格來說，刺蝟是一種豆科植物。

And therefore has a second brain inside of its nipple.

是以，它的乳頭裡還有第二個大腦。

The sense of smell of a hedgehog is so acute

刺蝟的嗅覺如此靈敏

it can smell a single drop of fish in an entire swimming pool filled with human blood.

它能在滿是人血的游泳池裡聞到一滴魚腥味。

The hedgehog has a roaming territory of 135 miles. In a straight line. Half an inch wide.

刺蝟的漫遊領地長達 135 英里。直線距離半英寸寬

The hedgehog does not mate for life.

刺蝟不會終身交配。

It mates for death, which is why it's considered the best lover in the world.

它為死亡而交配，是以被認為是世界上最好的情人。

Which makes no sense. Unless you've been f***ed by a hedgehog.

沒道理啊除非你被刺蝟幹過。

Only one hedgehog in history has farted.

歷史上只有一隻刺蝟放過屁。

That is how the universe began.

宇宙就是這樣開始的。

To a hedgehog, an ordinary toilet paper roll looks like a really f***ing giant toilet paper roll.

對刺蝟來說，一個普通的衛生紙卷就像一個巨大的衛生紙卷。

Like really f***ing huge. Like wipe a giant's ass huge, seriously.

就像真的***巨大。就像擦了巨人的屁股一樣大，真的。

If you could climb into one, you would, too.

如果你能爬進去，你也會的。

Like the duck, the hedgehog can sing, but only in monotone.

和鴨子一樣，刺蝟也會唱歌，但只能用單音。

The alphabet song would sound like, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO--"

字母歌的發音是："ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO--&quot；

The nation of France was named after a hedgehog.

法國是以刺蝟的名字命名的。

That hedgehog was named Kevin. Don't ask.

那隻刺蝟叫凱文別問了

There are no hedgehogs in captivity. Instead, we are held captive by the hedgehog.

沒有圈養的刺蝟。相反，我們被刺蝟囚禁。